by Rev. Michael Heath | Jul 12, 2020
One of the fundamental assumptions of psychotherapy is that, emotionally, we often confuse one thing for another. For example, a man has problems with his boss and then comes home and takes his anger out on his dog or his wife. That phenomenon is called displacement. Another example is when a person is feeling depressed and so they drink too much to numb the pain. That is called self-medicating the symptom. To effectively resolve hidden issues like anger or depression, the underlying problem must be identified and directly addressed. In these examples, the real issues, the conflict with one’s boss or the source of the person’s depression must be recognized and treated.
Sometimes behavioral problems are assumed to have psychological causes when, in fact, they may also stem from or at least involve medical ones. Overlooking physiological dimensions is sometimes the case with “stress” eating or having difficulties sticking to a diet to lose weight. Research has found that sometimes we confuse preliminary dehydration with feelings of hunger. Sometimes over-eating is associated with stress and anxiety when, in fact, it also is a sign that the body is saying that it needs more water. https://www.health.com/weight-loss/11-reasons-youre-always-hungry . If exclusively psychologically-focused efforts to help you stop over-eating or to lose weight have failed , you may want to consider dehydration as a complicating factor. Here is my personal story:
A while back I
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jun 13, 2020
As restrictions caused by the coronavirus continue and the frustration they have created mount, one of the common casualties reported by many folks is unwanted weight gain. This phenomenon is especially problematic for those who are sheltered-at-home. Changes and restriction in daily customs and work routines has created situations where folks don’t know what to do with large amounts of idle and unstructured time. This over-abundance of unstructured time has resulted in boredom which has in turn has driven many folks to distract and soothe themselves with comfort foods and by binge eating. Likewise, the food’s people are likely to choose for anxiety-based eating , things which are usually loaded with sugar , simple carbs and fats, are not helpful for maintaining a stable weight. Uncontrolled stress-eating combined with reduced activity levels spell trouble for anyone trying to avoid putting one a few pounds.
You get the point. Folks whose lives are normally filled with jobs and other vigorous activities have been caught off guard by the social side effects of COVID-19. The absence of a normal routine and a lack of meaningful stimulation has resulted in people feeling bored. Uncontrolled eating has been what many have relied upon to cope with this unresolved public health crisis.
Nevertheless, it is important to understand that unhealthy weight gain is not inevitable that but preventing it will take some increased awareness and intentional effort. If you are struggling with this issue, here are seven tips to help you resist the impulse to pig-out :
by Rev. Michael Heath | May 28, 2020
With more and more people working at home and sheltering, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, many couples are spending additional time in physical proximity to one another. This increased togetherness has resulted in many partners taking advantage of the increased opportunity and having more sex.
Unfortunately, for other couples, the forced togetherness has exposed previously avoided problems of intimacy and romance and created some uncomfortable awkwardness.
As a clinician who helps couples have better sex lives, I see the coronavirus crisis as an excellent opportunity to address and fix an embarrassing and discouraging problem.
The good news is that the solution is really fun but doesn’t involve sex at all. The key for many couples to re-ignite the flames of passion is unlocking pent up inhibitions and learning how to get silly . Yes, that is not a typographical error. Increasing silliness in couple is good and allows passion to follow. Let me explain:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Feb 14, 2020
Depending on your romantic situation, Valentine’s Day can mean dramatically different things. For lovers and married folks, it can be a joyful time to reflect on and express love and affection for one another.
However, this heavily media-hyped day can be an excruciating and heartbreaking time for folks who have lost, are without partners or who are in the midst of relational strife or divorce. Indeed, the plight of those who are lonely can be overlooked and ignored in the wake of the red-hearted deluge of the holiday.
We need to remember that, for these folks, Valentine’s Day is at best awkward and at worst a painful reminder of loneliness, frustration, disappointment and loss.
Beyond the pain of being without or losing a loving partner is the destructive impact on one’s self-esteem . Unfortunately, partner-less and divorcing folks often blame themselves for their lack of romantic success and see themselves as defective or permanently damaged such that they will always be alone.
While some folks do suffer from emotional issues which make sustaining intimate relationships difficult or problematic, that is not the case for most. And for those who are bummed out on Valentine’s Day, here are some thoughts and tips for coping with loneliness until Cupid’s arrows work their magic.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jan 14, 2020
Recent studies have repeatedly shown that Americans are having less sex. One statistic reveals that over half of single folks under forty haven’t had sex in a year. Factors such as work-related anxiety and financial worries leave many singles either too busy or too stressed out to bother with sex.
Shockingly, more and more married couples are reporting that they aren’t having sex either. Sexless marriage hasn’t been talked about much in the past but, lately, it’s attracting more clinical attention because the fact that couples aren’t having sex is emerging more frequently with patients who are seeking help for other issues.
Sadly, many sexless couples don’t seek help because they are discouraged and feel that there is nothing that can be done. Unfortunately, untreated, the problem only becomes worse and worse. While sex may not be the most important thing in life, it’s probably in the top ten. Therefore, couples need to know that sexual problems in marriage, while difficult to talk about at first, are very treatable.
Here are some important facts about sexless marriages:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 15, 2019
It is tough to be blue during the holidays. Amid the hustle and bustle of the pre – Hanukkah and Christmas hype there are many folks for whom the season is not joyous or bright.
Although many of us look forward to Christmas as a time for gifts and to celebrate family and friends, there are many others for whom the occasion is difficult and even painful. Death , divorce, financial troubles , loneliness , depression and failing health are but a few of the reasons which keep many folks from experiencing the full joy of the holiday.
While we can’t make things all better when we encounter someone who is blue, being aware of his or her plight can help us to be more sensitive and compassionate in our interactions with them. It is important to remember that what folks who are blue really need during this painful time is empathy and understanding. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills and to show more kindness and sensitivity to those you meet :
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 1, 2019
Infidelity is one of most painful issues married couples ever face. While the emotional wounds created by the break in trust are sometimes too great to repair, I have found that if the offending partner is sincerely repentant, remorseful and willing to work on the individual or relational issues which lead to the problem and, if the offended partner is sincere in his/her desire to reconcile and accepts that most infidelity stems from deeper relational issues which involve both partners, the wound can be healed, trust can be rebuilt and the marriage can actually grow and mature in deeper intimacy.
Over my many years of practice, I have discovered a fundamental communication deal, which, if agreed to and followed by both partners, can , with practice, accelerate healing and renewed confidence in their loyalty and fidelity. However, although the terms of the deal are very simple , carrying out the deal is complicated and difficult. Let me explain.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Apr 15, 2019
America’s Stress Epidemic and what to do about it. Although opioids and measles are getting most of the attention, there is no denying that America is facing another devastating epidemic – STRESS. Unbelievably , by comparison, more people are being...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 16, 2019
If you have ever witnessed an amazing sunset, looked up at the stars and imagined the vastness of the universe or simply stood at the base of an immense, magnificent building, you know the feeling of awe — that reverential feeling of amazement ,fear and wonder which comes from realizing that you are but a small part of the immense larger reality which is the universe. Recently, science is reporting just how important the feeling of awe is for our emotional, spiritual, physical and social health. If it has been too long since you have felt real awe, don’t despair. You can learn to discover something awesome in almost any situation.* To begin:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 7, 2019
Despite all of the research and medical science, discomfort about masturbation continues especially among older conservative Christians who view it as immoral and sinful. Indeed , the harsh and threatening lessons regarding masturbation learned in childhood have created deep feelings of shame are hard to shake. Further, the anti-forces and especially the evangelicals and Mormons (who also oppose women’s and LGBTQ rights) are still at work. In recent years there have been anti-masturbation campaigns and political candidates who have who have falsely equated and linked masturbation with serious offenses such sex abuse, human trafficking, and child pornography . Others have warned that masturbating will prevent you from being able to love or to function sexually with your spouse or even … going to Heaven. With a view of history it is easy to see why the guilt and shame surrounding masturbation is unnecessary. Many people live under the false impression that, if they masturbate to an erotic image, they are mentally ill or addicted to pornography. It is indeed liberating for these folks to discover that masturbation is normal and that it does not poes a medical risk.
It is also important for people of faith to understand masturbating does not conflict with being a Christian. Just like with other social issues, Christianity is split. The harsh and intolerant views regarding masturbation express only the views of fundamentalist thought and not the only or even main outlook of Christianity .
