by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 15, 2025
Over the past few years, it has become a custom at holiday times to reflect on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). This story provides helpful insight to reduce the stress of family gatherings. Easing Holiday Stress | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Not surprisingly, modern stress management techniques utilize their timeless insights. Better Ways to Manage Your Holiday Stress | Psychology Today. In keeping with that tradition, I want to focus on Martha and show how her experience can help us to lower our level of anxiety and better deal with the stress that get-togethers can bring.
The Story
To refresh your memory, here is the text of Luke’s timeless account of Martha’s encounter with Jesus: “Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40
But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; 42 one thing is needful.[a] Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Applying The Story to Our Lives
Even a quick review reveals the relevance of this brief but poignant story. The story exposes a universal human dilemma, i.e., how quickly tension between family members can explode.
Although Martha was eager to please her guests, her distress and resentment toward her sister got the best of her. As a result, resentment led her to overlook the occasion’s larger significance, to be angry with her sister, and to snap at Jesus.
Rather than looking at family dynamics, however, I want to focus on how the experience of stress can corrupt our experience and behavior. Also, I want to highlight how Jesus responded to Martha’s outburst. He did not react to her crossness in kind. Instead, he calmly identified her anxiety with compassion.
Both Martha’s reaction and Jesus’ response provide helpful clues for us to deal with our stressful holiday situations.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 4, 2025
Everyone knows what a sigh is. But, just in case you’ve never really thought about it, and to be clear, a sigh is a natural, involuntary occurrence that is expressed as an audible exhaling of the breath … as in ahhh.
Typically, sighs express either exhaustion, sadness, or relief. Whatever the feeling, physically, there is a release and a sense of relaxation. And that is the point. Today, I want to talk about intentional sighing and how it can provide immediate stress relief in moments of emotional duress or panic.
Of course, there are a variety of breathing exercises used to manage stress and anxiety, https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-panic/ Some of them are complicated and or require being in a quiet space to do them. An important advantage of the intentional sigh is its simplicity and that it can be used anywhere at any time.
How to do an intentional sigh ?
An intentional sigh is sometimes called the physiological sigh. It is like a natural sigh except you can choose (intend) to employ when it’s needed. The Science of Physiological Sigh: Insights from Huberman Lab – PsychSolutions, Inc – Therapy In Edmonton, AB T5M 4C9
To do an intentional sigh, all you have to do is take 2 quick breaths followed by a long exhale. That’s it!
When to employ an intentional sigh ?
The key to the effectiveness of the intentional sigh is timing. You focus on your breathing as soon as you recognize that you are becoming upset. Becoming aware of brewing upsets starts with paying attention to muscular tension in your body.
Often, physical reaction precedes feeling stressed. For example, some folks will express stress as muscular tension in their chest or stomach area. Others may feel tightness in their shoulders or lower back. Still others may experience headaches or a clenching of their jaw or fist.
Wherever you feel the tension, you can learn to interpret the sensations as a stress alarm sounding. At this time, the alarm can remind you of your stress response and remind you to take an intentional breath.
In addition to learning how to short-circuit emotional overload, it’s also helpful to understand what happens in our bodies when we feel stressed.
The basics of emotional stress ?
by Rev. Michael Heath | Nov 14, 2025
MASCULINITY IN CRISIS: A REASONABLE RESPONSE
With the government shutdown finally resolved, other important issues are emerging. Of special concern is the quiet crisis among many young men regarding masculinity and what it means to be a man. Men and masculinity | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
To date, responses are polarized, either demonizing men on one hand or doubling down on traditional machismo. According to a professor and a governor,i there is a better way.
Professor Scott Galloway’s new book Notes on Being a Man and Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom’s recent criticisms of his own party for “walking away” from men suggest a more reasonable alternative. Gavin Newsom says Democratic Party ‘walked away’ from masculinity crisis | Fox News
Some Background
The crisis with masculinity is a dilemma: How can men be men without being toxic to women? The term toxic masculinity arose in the wake of high-profile sex abuse trials involving the likes of Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein. What is Toxic Masculinity and How it Impacts Mental Health
The me too.Movement impacted young men differently. For some, it expanded their self-awareness and motivated more respectful behavior toward women,
For others, however, the effect was negative. Multiple studies reveal that it contributed to a number of serious problems, including: Alienation, Rage, Declining Performance, Increasing Clinical Depression and Suicide. (Amanpour and Company | Scott Galloway Sounds the Alarm on the Crisis Facing Young Men | Season 2025 | PBS)
by Rev. Michael Heath | Nov 2, 2025
Recently, I wrote about the history of Church’s hostile attitude toward sex. Sadly , one unfortunate consequence of its antipathy is the negative impact that it’s had on parents’ ability to talk rationally about sex with their children. Frankly,...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Oct 17, 2025
Feeling loved and desired is a problem for many couples who have been together for a while. I frequently hear from a husband or wife who feels romantically stuck. Although things weren’t bad in their relationship, they felt that the spark had gone out.
The good news is that, while it’s common for romance and desire to fall into a rut, there are effective ways for couples to work their way out of it. The key is to learn how to talk to one another about what they are feeling. Intimate Communication | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
The problem is that talking about intimate feelings is difficult.
The Problem: Bad Habits.
For many folks, talking to one another is difficult because they have gotten out of the habit. While they talked a lot when they first fell in love, over the years, people get busy. Intentionally not setting limits for jobs, kids and other responsibilities results in there being no time for sharing.. Fortunately, one couples realize the need for creating time for each other, new habits can be created that will rekindle old passions.
Start with Simple Things.
I recently read an article that listed 15 questions that good wives ask their husbands. Women who are excellent wives constantly ask their husbands these 15 questions
In fact, this list of questions was not simply for wives; Husbands can talk with their spouses about them as well. Indeed, these simple and positive questions can help couples who have difficulty talking to one another about their feelings break the ice.
The key is to start slowly and think positively. While serious conversations about interpersonal problems can be difficult, they are doable. The key is for couples to understand that intimate communication is a process and not a single conversation,
With this understanding, couples realize that issues don’t have to be resolved all at once. Over time, positive experiences with smaller items help couples gain the confidence to speak honestly. This success with small conversations builds the trust necessary for tackling more complicated issues successfully.
With some effort and repetition, however, couples can get the hang of it and learn to share their experience. With this in mind, let’s look at some helpful conversation starters that can break the ice and begin the journey to better communication:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Oct 3, 2025
Recently, a client contacted me to talk about the guilt and embarrassment he felt when talking to his wife about sex. Indeed, over the years, I’ve heard this concern many times. Not surprisingly, he came from a conservative Christian background.
While it is no secret that Christianity has had its problems with sex, many do not know that it was not always that way. Over the years, I’ve discovered that getting to know the history of how sex became an embarrassment helps explain the real source of the underlying conflict. Likewise, increased understanding reduces embarrassment and shame. So, let’s take a look.
History of the Early Church’s Views toward Sex
Jesus and Paul on Sex
Frankly, the New Testament doesn’t record Jesus talking about sex or say anything about his sexual life. We do know that he had compassion and did not shame the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).
Stepping back, Christianity’s problem with sex begins with Jesus’s and his early followers’ belief that the end of the world was near and that the Kingdom of God was at hand. (Mark 1:15) Paul believed that Jesus would return and bring in the new age within his own lifetime. (Thessalonians 4:15–17).
From this point of view, sex becomes unimportant. The Kingdom of God initiated by Jesus was a spiritual reality. In it, male and female distinctions and sex would no longer exist. (Gal. 3:28)
And here is an important fact that is often overlooked. Even in this Apocalyptic context, early Christians did not have a negative view of sex. They shared Jewish beliefs, which held that sex was fine within the bounds of marriage. Sex for early Christians was not a negative thing. The Origins of Christian Teachings on Human Sexuality – World History Encyclopedia
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 15, 2025
TIPS TO COPE WITH DISTURBING NEWS.
The bombshell of Charlie Kirk’s assassination has exploded across the American political scene, creating a wide range of emotions and reactions. In light of the growing list of politically violent incidents, it is becoming increasingly difficult for folks to process such tragic events and remain calm. https://www.npr.org/2025/09/11/nx-s1-5537098/a-look-at-recent-acts-of-political-violence-in-the-u-s
Not wishing to comment on politics, I am concerned about the negative psychological impact these reports are having on people’s, including our leaders’, emotional stability.
This concern has been increased by the increased number of calls I’ve received from anxious folks troubled by the shocking details reported in the media. Many say that they feel overwhelmed by the bombardment of non-stop coverage.
One might think that, given the increased frequency of such events, we would have become less affected by them, but this does not seem to be the case. Kirk’s death is especially poignant, however, given that it happened the day before the twenty-fourth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Back then, I wrote about how the chaos of 9/11 affected our spiritual mourning and the foundations of faith. (Syracuse Post Standard 10/1/2001) Today I want to look at the emotional impact of unexpected horror and offer some tips, based on new research, that can help those who are struggling with anxiety and panic.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 9, 2025
RETHINKING THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL DISORDERS: From nuts and crazy to irrational and dysregulated. Recently, a husband in a counseling session turned and asked me to tell his wife that she was crazy. In declining to do so, I asked if he could tell me what he was feeling...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 17, 2025
Usually, as a pastoral counselor, I demonstrate how mental health and religion go together. I help clients who identify as persons of faith by translating unfamiliar psychological concepts into the more familiar language of their religious tradition. My concern is to demonstrate that their religious beliefs and mental health are compatible. Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Over the years, however, I’ve discovered a different aspect of pastoral counseling. I have discovered that a pastoral counselor is not just a cheerleader for religion. In fact, it is increasingly an obligation is to call out religious abuse.
For example, many folks who presented with what looked like depression or anxiety were. in fact, suffering from the consequences of an abusive religious upbringing, specifically, certain strains of Christianity. They what could be labeled religious PTSD.
Of late, it is clear that the word Christian conveys dramatically different meanings. Thus, one can’t assume that faith and psychology go together. For the most part, the individual beliefs themselves are not abusive, but, when exaggerated or taken in isolation or out of context, they can be.
Sometimes the abusiveness stems from the way some forms of Christianity interpret Jesus’ teaching. Worse, when religious tenets conflict with established science, they have the potential to be psychologically harmful. Abusive, unhealthy traditional Christianity, theology, and practice — Unadulterated Love
With this in mind, I want to call out and address specific religious teachings that not only inflict needless emotional pain but also cause psychological harm.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 3, 2025
Psychotherapy, like other healthcare fields, is a constantly evolving endeavor. Over the years, research and practice have expanded our understanding and refined the techniques used to treat psychological disorders.
47 years of practicing psychotherapy helps me appreciate how things have changed. Here are some observations. Counseling: An Update. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Psychotherapy: From the Beginning
Many people are unaware that the counseling profession is relatively young. Of course, clergy and teachers have helped folks over the centuries, but the start of a medical profession dates back to the late 19th century and Sigmund Freud.
Freud discovered that mental problems could, in addition to medical causes, be the result of psychological trauma. His approach in sessions was to listen while the patient “free associated”, i.e., to say whatever came into their minds.
Freud believed that given time, a person would uncover emotional conflicts created by childhood trauma and that the therapist’s job was to interpret the meaning of what the patient said. In other words, therapy “connected the dots”, and revealed how the past interferes with the person’s present experience.
This increased awareness freed a person from the control of unconscious trauma. In addition to feeling better, greater self-knowledge helped the person to change and eliminate unwanted behaviors.
Behaviorism
In the early 20th century, behavioral therapies, inspired by Pavlov and Watson, arose as an alternative to analytic approaches. Unlike analysis, behavioral therapies placed an emphasis on redirecting conditioned responses rather than increasing awareness.
They believed that understanding is unnecessary to treat psychological problems. Essentially, creating new behavior patterns changes behavior, which changes how you feel,
Some Other Changes
Somewhere in the 1950’s two other developments took place which complicated the treatment of mental disorders. The field of psychopharmacology introduces medication for depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.
Likewise, psychologists, social workers, and other types of mental health practitioners who were not medical doctors began counseling. These new professions spawned a variety of therapies Different approaches to psychotherapy
As a result, since these new practitioners were not medical doctors, a new attitude toward the people served emerged. Individuals, couples and families were regarded as clients and not as patients.
In addition to these changes, here are 6 major advances in psychotherapy which define the state of the art today:
