For many reasons, these are very strange times. For someone who helps individuals and couples deal with sexual issues, a glaring paradox stands out: On one hand, research shows that the use of internet pornography is on the rise. On the other hand, both individuals and couples report having less sex.
While some suggest that using porn leads to having less sex, it’s not that simple. There is no convincing evidence that porn use diminishes interest in having sex with a partner. While not completely understood, here are some of the factors that contribute to this perplexing situation:
The Internet and Pornography
The rise of problems connected to pornography correlates directly with the innovation of the internet. The advent of internet porn sites’ easy and widespread availability explains their increased use.
In the past, sexual materials used to be kept from pubic view. For example, drug stores hid Playboy magazines under the counter. Today, however, porn is instantly available to anyone, including children, with the click of a mouse. 2025 Porn Addiction Statistics – Rates, Demographics & Effects – Addiction Resource
To be clear, however, the rise in folks viewing pornography does not mean that most people prefer porn to sex. There are other reasons folks are less turned on to one another.
The Decline of Sex and Intimacy
Numerous studies have reported that only 50% of single people under 40 years of age have had sex. Likewise, married couples are also reporting a decline in having sex and the rise of “sexless” marriages increases. Americans are having a record low amount of sex. In 1990, 55% of adults ages 18–64 reported having sex weekly. By 2024, the number fell to 37%. Sexual frequency is dropping across all demographic groups, including age and marital status, but the decline is larger among young adults. : r/psychologyofsex
The rise of suspicion and mistrust.
While the divorce rate remains fairly constant at 50%, more and more individuals are reporting not being in an intimate relationship. Social media and dating sites initially provided a boost for folks looking for love, but over the past few years, their popularity has declined.
The growing mistrust between men and women is another factor contributing to increased social isolation. Both the MeToo and incel phenomena express the growing unrest.
Covid-19 and economic stress.
Another important change affecting relationships is the lingering effects of COVID-19. The socially isolating and negative economic effects of COVID-19 have made meeting and dating difficult. In addition,, studies show that due to economic stress, many folks in their 20 and even 30s are still living at home. Why many young adults in the U.S. are still living with their parents
Some Facts about Arousal and Desire
When looking at sexual and sociological changes, it is important to understand the fundamentals of sexual arousal and desire. In addition to individual factors, interpersonal factors can inhibit sexual interest. Things like resentment, a lack of trust, or feeling unsafe can interfere with being or being able to get in the mood. Having less sex? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Seen in this light, it is not surprising that folks are not getting together like they used to. Financial uncertainties, as well as greater mistrust between men and women, distract from having desire. Likewise, these distractions make it difficult to relax and be present in the moment. Putting other concerns aside is necessary to become aroused. As a result, instead of pursuing relationships or sex, many folks say they are focused on their careers and on economic independence.
Some Tips to Improve Your Love Life
So, with these thoughts in mind, whatever your situation, if you feel porn is a problem or you would like a relationship or you would like more sex with your partner, here are some tips.
1) Watching too much porn ? Find the underlying problem.
Most porn problems are similar to drug or alcohol ones. Technically, the term porn addiction is a compulsive behavior. It. Like other compulsive behaviors, it is used to cope with a difficult situation that lacks an immediate solution. If using porn distresses you or interferes with your life or relationship, finding and dealing with the underlying problem,
Many times, clinical depression and anxiety are present with heavy use of pornography. In addition to understanding, seeing a doctor for medication can help not only with easing the depression or anxiety, which will reduce your porn use.
Stress is also another underlying issue related to heavy porn use., Thus learning stress management techniques like journaling, aerobic exercise, and calming breathing exercises can provide immediate relief that can interrupt the impulse to use porn.
2) If you or your partner has lost interest in sex :
Sometimes the loss of sexual desire has a medical basis. Certain changes in hormones, illnesses, and other conditions can take away an interest in sex. Likewise, anxiety and depression can cause a loss of libido and an interest in sex. Talking with your doctor, like for any other reason, is advised.
Another reason folks lose interest in sex is anger and resentment. Grudges, misunderstandings and unresolved conflicts. Anger literally interrupts and blocks the neuro-pathways of arousal. It is helpful to view the loss of intimacy as a symptom of a solvable problem.
3) If you would like more sex with your partner, talk to them about it.
Poor communication is another source of declining sexual activity. Sadly, many folks find talking about sex embarrassing and, thus, avoid it. In addition to embarrassment, many folks lack accurate information about sex. People sometimes hold unrealistic or false ideas about their sexuality and poor communication perpetuates these myths.
Like with any other issue, sexual communication involves saying what you feel and what you want. While uncomfortable at first, most find that talking honestly about sex gets easier with practice.
Indeed, sex is like water running through a hose. It flows naturally unless there is a kink. Remember, good communication helps you find the kink and restore the flow.
Rev Michael Heath, LMHC , Fellow AAPC 2 2 2026
