Okay, it’s the beginning of the new year and many folks are energized and filled with lots of good ideas and resolutions to improve their lives. Numerous studies show, however, that, despite good intentions, most plans for change fall apart in the first week . New Year’s Resolutions | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Don’t get me wrong; I believe that dramatic change is possible and worth the effort. But, from my 47 years of experience helping people to change, I have learned why many efforts to change, fail. The Psychology Behind Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail
The typical cliches, like a person “didn’t try hard enough” or that they lacked “willpower”, miss the point. In fact, significant change is difficult. Significant change is complicated and influenced by unconscious factors. Indeed, unconscious conflicts are why so many of the self-help books don’t work. It’s not that their advice isn’t sound; factors about which we are unaware, our factors interfere.
Most often, they don’t work because changes we are aware of and want to make are tied to old conflicts we are unaware of. So, if one has had problems reaching a life-change goal , some personal exploration beneath one’s conscious surface will be necessary to succeed.
— Think of an Iceberg
An image that helps conceptualize unconscious obstacles to change is an iceberg. There is much more to the challenge of changing below the water line than above it. Thus, it is necessary to look beneath the surface to fully understand both why efforts failed and what is necessary to succeed.
Some Questions to Help You Look Beneath the Surface
Since many people attempt to make changes with an inadequate understanding of the problems involved and without it is no wonder the success rate is so low. Here are some important questions that will help you peek below the surface if you want to increase your odds of succeeding:
Do you really want to change?
Seriously, I know that sometimes you may think that you want to change, but in fact, your real motivation may be that you think you ought to or have to change. Many people say they want to lose weight, but if they are honest, they really don’t.
And here is the thing: real change only happens when a person sincerely wants to change. Just because a person understands that making a change would be a good idea, or even necessary, does not mean the person really wants to change.
Research shows that trying to force yourself to do something that you really don’t want to do doesn’t work. Further, it often results in resentment, which could even make the issue that you’re trying to deal with worse.
Are there reasons not to change ?
So, before beginning, be honest with yourself. Pay attention to and address any conflicting or negative feelings you may have. We often try to do things we are not completely on board with. It is important to assess any reservations and not ignore them.
Is this a good time to make a significant change in your life ?
Just because a person wants to change doesn’t mean that all of the stars are properly aligned to do so. Timing is very important when making major life changes. Apart from individual desire, other factors such as time, money, health, etc., are also critical to success.
Having the patience to wait for the right time is an important factor when making major life changes. Real progress is rarely the result of an impulsive action or simply feeling in the mood. Instead, it is rather the result of sustained behavior over a long period of time.
Are there significant unresolved emotional obstacles that block the way to making changes ?
Apart from motivation and good timing, another important factor is unresolved psychological problems, which might obstruct or make a profound change more difficult.
The steps to breaking old bad habits or sustaining new, good ones are rational and straightforward. Implementing them, however, is not. It is crucial to understand and address the irrational obstacles that frustrate your goals .
For example, if a person wants to lose weight, the solution is obvious: eat less and exercise more. But if a person uses food to calm their anxiety, s/he must first figure out another way to deal with the anxiety,
How strong is your support network ?
Major lifestyle changes are rarely accomplished in isolation. Everyone needs support and encouragement. Doing it all by yourself rarely works. Thus, before beginning, make sure that your partner, friends, family, and a counselor, doctor, or other helping professionals are in place to support you along the way.
Seeing people change and improve their lives is a source of great satisfaction for me as a therapist. It is essential to understand that the desired behavioral change is just the tip of the iceberg. Understanding and addressing the complex labyrinth of emotional issues beneath the surface is the key to meaningful and lasting change.
Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC 1/ 7/ 2026
