With Valentine’s Day not far away, romance will be in the news. While the 14th of February is a special time for many, for others, it’s difficult.
Although the focus of Valentine’s Day tends to be on women, the day can be especially difficult for men. One major obstacle to romance for men is the sexual anxiety and worries about their penis.
The emotional toll that erectile dysfunction takes on men is often overlooked. Because sex therapy and medication have proven to be effective in eliminating ED, many, including doctors, assume that it is no longer a problem. Likewise, because of embarrassment, many men avoid seeking help. (More on this later.)
So today, let’s talk about this overlooked problem. I want to share simple ways to resolve the cognitive dissonance of struggling with sexual anxiety on the one hand but not reaching out to get safe and effective treatment on the other.
To be clear, there are a number of medical issues that first need to be checked out by a physician. Things such as low hormone levels, certain medications, too much alcohol or normal aging can cause a problem. Causes of ED: Anger, Performance Anxiety, and More
For those who do not have a physical problem or depression (We will discuss depression and sex another time.), anxiety is a significant cause of erectile dysfunction.
Here are some tips to help with these common causes of anxiety that cause erectile dysfunction and get in the way of erotic intimacy and sensual pleasure:
STRESS
A significant cause of anxiety and erectile dysfunction is stress. Stress comes in many forms, such as the demands of work, ill health, or family/relationship conflicts.
These are just a few examples of factors that can distract our attention away from enjoying sex. Indeed, distraction is a major mental cause of erectile dysfunction.
Simply, we can not do two things simultaneously: think and feel. Thinking about problems while trying to have sex keeps us from being present in our sexual experience and having satisfying erections.
Employing stress-management techniques and reducing exposure to excessive stress factors are effective ways to restore enjoyable relations. STRESS AND SEX | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Unresolved Resentment and Anger
Another source of ED that is misunderstood is an ongoing resentment toward one’s mate. Neurologically, sexual arousal and self-protection ( fight or flight reactions) are on the same circuit.
In the service of the preservation of the species, self-protection was given priority over sex. Thus, arousal is blocked when a threat is perceived, which can be experienced as resentment and anger.
Sometimes, folks are not aware or conscious of the underlying frustration. Becoming aware of conflicts that have not found solutions and then discussing them openly is a powerful way to clear the air and restore desire and eliminate ED.
Performance Anxiety
Ironically, a primary reason that men have problems with erections is that they think about it too much. The media places so much emphasis on erections and penile/vaginal sex that having erections becomes an emotionally worrisome obligation and demand.
As a result, men can develop a condition called anticipatory or performance anxiety. In other words, instead of being in the moment with your mate and enjoying, a man can get caught up in worrying about what might happen.
Physiologically, vascular changes occur that cause loss of or prevent erections. This condition is exacerbated by a person’s poor understanding of normal sexual response.
Specifically, many men don’t realize that it is normal to occasionally be unable to have an erection and not a reason for concern or a sign of a problem. Sadly, being unaware of this fact causes unnecessary worry that leads to anxiety-related impotence. Performance Anxiety Program | Overcome ED | Between Us Clinic
Some thoughts about Viagara
Fortunately, ever since 1998, the medication of Viagara (Sildenafil) has provided safe and effective relief for ED. Unfortunately, as mentioned earlier, despite this treatment, many men shy away from talking about their problems with their doctor or therapist.
Besides the embarrassment, there is also a general hesitancy for some to take any drug. This attitude contributes to not seeking help. Many times, my clients have said that they didn’t think that the problem was severe enough to take medication.
I wish to challenge that avoidant attitude and suggest that anyone who experiences any worry about having an erection or sustaining it has good reason to talk to their doctor about it.
As long as your doctor has ruled out any medical reason not to take it, erectile medications provide not only a physical benefit but also great emotional relief.
Clients who have had worries about erections have expressed surprise and joy at how wonderful it is not to worry when having sex. They have said with enthusiasm how having confidence in their erections completely changed their sexual experience for the better.
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My concern today is to reassure anyone who suffers from this condition that there is help. Breaking the ice and talking about the problem will lead to satisfying results.
Frankly, life is too short to suffer needlessly with a problem that can be easily fixed. As Valentine’s Day approaches, if you have avoided ED, don’t delay. Give your doctor a call. You will be glad you did!
Rev, Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C.
