Here is a helpful idea for couples who have trouble talking with one another about problems or conflicts without raising their voices and getting into arguments: The Couple’s Journal.

The Couple’s Journal.A Couple’s Journal can be a literal book or an on-going text or e-mail or even letters sent snail mail, (whatever) in which one partner writes to the other partner about an issue she would like to discuss.  When the other partner sees that a question or issue has been raised, s/he promises to respond by writing back. The written correspondence continues back and forth until the issue is resolved or until both agree that the discussion needs to stop.

This method takes some time and thoughtful effort and that is just the point.   Too many times, when couples try to talk about problems, they are often upset and do not think carefully about the impact of their words before speaking.  Likewise, response can be emotional personal attacks rather than substantive responses to the issue.  Taking the time to write a comment, can often reduce the emotionality and keep the discussion on track.

I’ve used this technique with many couples and the impact is rapid and dramatic.   Good Luck with it and don’t give up. With a little practice, you’ll be amazed at how good you can get at it.