The news of Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s passing stunned me—not in a shocking sense. She was 96 years old; it’s just that, having been inspired and guided by her for over 40 years, it’s hard to think of her not being around.
Her death made me realize how important this woman’s work was to my professional development and personal outlook on life. Beyond my personal appreciation, I want to share some of the innovative and groundbreaking contributions she made to sex education and American culture.*
DR. RUTH IN HISTORICAL CONTEXT
It is important to acknowledge that her message was not original. She belongs to an exceptional group of educators and stands on the shoulders of other great leaders who came before her and talked to America calmly and rationally about sex.
For example, in the 40s, Alfred Kinsey conducted groundbreaking sexual research, which was continued and advanced in the 50s by Masters and Johnson. In the 60s, Helen Singer Kaplan, through her teaching and writing, provided the gold standard for sex therapy. In the 70’s, Phil and Lorna Sarrell humanized sexuality studies at Yale Medical School. Here in Syracuse in the 80s, Sol Gordon was an important voice who used humor to bring sex education out of the dark ages.
What was truly unique about Ruth Westheimer was the way she looked and talked about sex. While others dressed in white coats and spoke academically, she looked like your grandmother and cracked jokes.
Dr. Ruth dared to talk about sex like no doctor had before. In general, she taught America to lighten up about sex and stop being so serious. More importantly, she helped us to stop feeling guilty for even talking about it. Here are some areas of her profound and lasting influence.
MEDICAL EDUCATION
Prior to Ruth Westheimer, many medical doctors shied away from talking about sex. They would dodge the topic with patients by not asking questions as they would about other medical issues. Dr. Ruth on sex education for medical students (researchgate.net)
She helped young doctors realize that a physician’s job, in addition to diagnosing and treating disease, was to help patients talk about whatever concerned them – including sex.
In training medical students, she made it clear that sexual health was just as important as any other medical issue. She impressed upon them the importance of being aware of and dealing with their own sexual hangups so that they could help their patients deal with theirs.
SEX THERAPY
Before Dr. Ruth, couples who sought counseling were often reluctant to bring up non-medical sex concerns. If they did, they would not be explicit about the details of their concerns or problems. They often hesitated because of guilt and shame and because they felt that their thoughts or desires were abnormal.
While empathic to her patient’s discomfort, Dr. Ruth was also honest and direct. Because of her benign persona, she could say startling things without offending. She answered questions about things folks really wanted to know in a way no one had heard before, with humor and without embarrassment. Her relaxed and nonjudgmental style encouraged couples to talk honestly about what was really bothering them about sex.
For both couples and single people, Dr. Ruth normalized formerly forbidden topics such as masturbation, fellatio, and other forbidden sexual fantasies and practices. In doing so, she helped millions of people eliminate the false guilt and shame that certain religions and cultures had instilled.** Put simply, Dr. Ruth helped couples to realize that sex was not dirty.
Beyond her impact on medical education and sex therapy, the most significant and enduring contributions Dr. Ruth made were the changes she brought about in American culture toward sex. Through her use of wit and humor, she took away shame and let millions of people know that it was okay to talk freely and feel good about sex.
AS A CULTURAL ICON
Dr. Ruth stood out from all other sex educators in two ways that made her a super-star: 1)The shocking and incongruous impact she made as a diminutive elderly woman who spoke so frankly but entertainingly about sex. 2) Her media savvy and success made her a household name. Her incongruous presentation, along with her nationwide exposure, made her and her message a cultural icon.
She became a symbol of the dramatic change that liberated American culture, especially women, from puritanical views of sex. Given the media today, it is difficult for young folks to appreciate how restricted things used to be on television or in movies concerning sex even 60 years ago.
For example, television had strict rules prohibiting saying certain words or even implying sexual behavior. The word pregnant was banned, and a married couple’s bedroom had separate beds.
In 1981, Dr. Ruth helped change things with her radio show Sexually Speaking. People were asked to call in and ask Dr. Ruth their questions about sex. Since it was only a 15-minute program playing during a “dead air” time late on Sundays, no one was paying attention or complaining about what was being said. Her frank and direct answers were shocking to executives at first but her popularity quickly overcame any objections.
Looking back, her rise to media stardom was amazing. Her local 15-minute show quickly grew to an hour-long nationally syndicated program. Soon, due to her immense popularity, Dr. Ruth’s outreach greatly expanded to include books, magazine columns, and a television show.
Along with Phil Donahue, she helped America mature and talk about important but forbidden topics. In doing so, she introduced conversations and increased understanding regarding difficult issues like AIDS, homosexuality, and transgender.
IN SUMMARY
Her passing is a huge loss. Even though America has made great strides to sexually liberate our society, the war against ignorance and repression is not over.
Currently, powerful cultural and political forces strive to turn back the clock on sex. Likewise, the changes and threats to sexual mores created by new AI technologies on the internet and smartphones are daunting. Nonetheless, we must learn and be inspired by Dr. Ruth’s example as we take on these new challenges and continue to confront sexual ignorance and prejudice wherever and in whatever form it occurs.
Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC July 16, 2024
* Christianity, Sex & Shame | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) ** Remembering a pioneering sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer (knau.org)