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Hi! I am Michael Heath and this is the Pine Ridge Pastoral Counseling Web Page. Pine Ridge is a place for folks who are looking for the best mental health care but who are turned off by large clinics or impersonal facilities.
Since 1994, Pine Ridge has offered a distinctive and more personal alternative for mental health needs while providing a comprehensive range of psychological services to help individuals, couples and families deal with a wide range of emotional, relational, crisis related, life phase and spiritual problems.
Since I am both a state Licensed Psychotherapist and a nationally Certified Pastoral Counselor, I offer a comprehensive therapeutic approach which can relate to both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of life’s difficulties .
This web site is a great place to learn about my areas of expertise and to find answers to questions you may have concerning psychotherapy, marriage counseling, couples counseling, and other counseling related issues. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, please contact me and I’ll be glad to help.
Helping the people of Central New York since 1978 with:
- ANXIETY / DEPRESSION / OCD
- PTSD / SEXUAL ABUSE
- STRESS MANAGEMENT
- OBSESSIONS / COMPULSIONS
- LOSS AND GRIEVING
- SPIRITUAL CONFUSION / LOSS OF FAITH
- SHAME / GUILT / LOW SELF-ESTEEM
- POOR COUPLE COMMUNICATION
- ARGUMENTS / CONFLICT
- SEX / NO SEX
- PORNOGRAPHY / SEX ADDICTION
- BETRAYAL / INFIDELITY
- SEPARATION / DIVORCE
- MONEY / KIDS / INLAWS
Latest Blog Articles
By Rev. Michael Heath
SEX AS A HOBBY ?
In trying to keep up with “what’s happening now” in the field of sexuality, I came across the phrase “sex-as-a-hobby”. Recently, this way of looking at sex has become popular, especially among those who identify as asexual. They find the perspective useful because it understands sex as something that one does and not as a defining characteristic of who one is. Sex As A Hobby: A Transhumanist’s Perspective – Philosophy, Politics, and Science – Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)
Others, such as sex coach Ruth Ramsay, employ the sex-as-a-hobby approach to de-mystify the highly emotional topic of sexuality. She finds the concept useful to help couples learn to discuss and deal with sex-related problems more rationally. Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila – YouTube
At first I laughed at the notion of thinking of sex was like a hobby but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it made sense., Although a hobby might not be the best metaphor, we do need to redefine and change how we think about sex. Here’s why:
Common Porn Myths
Recently, I have noticed a significant up-tick in the numbers of clients contacting me who erroneously feared that they had a pornography addiction. After a careful examination, it was clear that, while they had been suffering from misinformation, they did not have an addiction.
It needs to be understood from the outset that even though “pornography addiction” is a popularly used term, I do not find it a help way to conceptualize the problem nor is it listed in the DSM5 as a disorder. Religious or moralistic discussions often denounce problematic masturbation and porn viewing as immoral or a lack of self-control without understanding of its psychological origins.
Although pornography is part of the problem with which these men struggle , it rarely was not the root. Prior childhood trama, religiously induced guilt and shame about sex and marital dischord are common underlying culprits.
The last time I wrote on this subject was four years agao. A Reasonable Approach for Discussing Masturbation and Pornography: Part 1 | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) . Given that misunderstanding has not declinced, I wish to debunk some of the most common myths about pornography.
A recent article in Slate on-line provides an excellent segue for this discussion. What NoFap does to your brain: Why so many people who abstain from masturbation end up suicidal. (slate.com) Although it’s focus is on a particular anti-masturbation effort, NoFap, it provides a goosd summary of the major false notions about pornography.
JOURNALING CONFUSION
For many years, journaling has been a helpful tool for those dealing with stress and emotional issues. Even our military recognized the benefits of journaling and has incorporated the practice to help deployed soldiers.
It is important to appreciate, however, that not all personal writing is the same . In addition to individual journaling, marital journaling is a distinct practice and can be an important way for couples to improve their intimate communication.
That said, there are significant differences between individual journaling and marital journaling which need to be understood.
Here are some thoughts to help couples who are confused:
Suicide: An Update
A recent article in the Syracuse Post-Standard cited the alarming rise in teen-age suicides and homicides beginning with COVID-19 which has continued to the present. https://www.syracuse.com/us-news/2023/06/suicides-and-homicides-among-young-americans-jumped-early-in-pandemic-study-says.html
What is even more disturbing is the fact that suicide rates were already increasing before the pandemic. https://wjla.com/news/nation-world/more-than-a-mental-health-concern-nationwide-increase-in-suicides-prompts-newquestions?fbclid=IwAR1qWZbKn3G1ex_bv8XryK22NuohENbDSC2v87crC_YCcUBpyLoMM-BWEgI
Given other reports on our current mental health crisis, it’s probably a good time to update what we know about suicide.
HOW TO TALK ABOUT SUICIDE
To begin, an important change which has taken place in suicide discussions is the words that we use to talk about it. Instead of saying that someone committed suicide, a better way to express it is to say that the person died by suicide .
While this might seem like a trivial distinction, the change emphasizes the fact that, in most cases, suicide is not a free choice or conscious act. In addition, the traditional expression of committing suicide denotes needless stigma and shame.
The SG on SM & Kids
Recently, you may have heard about the U.S. Surgeon General’s warning to parents about the possible harm that social media poses for children. Surgeon General: Why Social Media Harms Youth Mental Health | Time Today, I want to summarize and comment on his main concerns.
To begin, social media has a positive side. Studies have shown that platforms such as Instagram and Facebook provide children outlets for creative expression as well as for making positive social connections. Social media use can be positive for mental health and well-being | News | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health
That said, the Surgeon General wants parents to know that, at this time, there are no conclusive studies which show that social media is safe or harmless for kids. Further, there are indications that, for some young adults and situations, social media can be harmful to a child’s mental health in several ways. Here is a summary of concerns along with some useful tips to help you cope with this omni-present technological reality.
ATTACKS ON GAC EXPLAINED
May is mental health awareness month. This year I want to explain why some states are banning Gender Affirming Care (GAC) and expose the wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing scam called Gender Explorative Therapy (GET).
To be clear from the get-go, GAC is a legitimate treatment for gender dysphoric young folk . GET is a religiously backed hoax which ignores medical science and is harmful to transgendered non-conforming (TGNC) youth . https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/15/magazine/gender-therapy.html
THE ISSUE Under the misleading banner of protecting children, a number of conservative state legislatures have chosen to pass laws which follow religious dogma rather than science.
Opponents of GAC want it banned because they believe gender dysphoric children, i.e. kids whose gender identity conflicts with the gender which was assigned at birth, is simply a transient emotional confusion and is not a real medical condition. Thus, they view the medical aspect of GAC such as puberty blocking drugs, as not only unnecessary but also harmful.
In fact, the effort to interfere with necessary medical treatment poses a real threat to the health and well being of gender dysphoric youngsters. https://wyofile.com/health-experts-gender-affirming-care-saves-lives/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwmN2iBhCrARIsAG_G2i4XSt60BiHr5nb8PATeCdfcS0gu92BPDRgRXpT9tqkIw9HnblP9xnAaAtPKEALw_wcB
(Here is a link which lists the large number of medical/ professional organizations which oppose both the laws banning GAC and GEC. https://transhealthproject.org/resources/medical-organization-statements)
Even worse, the number of states banning GAC is growing. Here is a map which shows states that are considering such legislation. https://abcnews.go.com/US/map-gender-affirming-care-targeted-us/story?id=97443087
ABOUT LEISURE DEFICIENCY
Recent hospitalization and death statistics related to COVID-19 reveal that the pandemic’s medical threat has dramatically declined. Covid in the U.S.: Latest Maps, Case and Death Counts – The New York Times (nytimes.com) That said, other studies show that the pandemic, together with other factors, has had a devastating impact on America’s mental health. Rates of anxiety and depression have risen among all age groups and the number of people seeking counseling is sky-rocketing.
Experts believe that the cause of this problem is complex and actually pre-dates COVID-19. Such things as the internet and 24/7 on-line and cable news as well as the omni presence of smart phones and social media have over-loaded our ability to process so much distressing information. Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? – The Atlantic In other words, it’s not just the alarming content of things like mass shootings or war but the non-stop bombardment of the reports which have created a mental health crisis.
Another crucial element exacerbating the problem is America’s poor level of self-care and trivialized attitude toward leisure. Studies have shown that our nation’s traditional hard-work-no time-for play ethic has interfered with our society’s ability to cope with stress. Not giving ourselves sufficient time to recharge has caught many Americans with dead emotional batteries.
Despite various attempts to educate the public about the importance of self care, disdain for recreation persists. Evidence of this view is seen in Cadillac’s 2014 Super Bowl commercial. In it, a smarmy guy strolls around his pool extoling America’s superior work ethic over European’s who take so many vacations.
His message is that only by working hard can one afford to buy expensive cars. Ironically, studies have shown that people who push too much and recreate too little are less productive. Indeed, self-care is not a luxury or waste of time. Leisure is not only important for personal happiness and resilient mental health, it also is necessary for top performance.
In addition to being false, the hard work myth creates a psychological problem. The persistence in traditional attitude has caused many to develop a psychological condition that I would call Leisure Deficiency.
Fortunately, leisure deficiency is treatable. Thus, today, I want to discuss 1) How this false belief arose, 2) How to tell if you suffer from leisure deficiency and 3) Why leisure is important and 4) What can be done to incorporate leisure into your regular routine.
COVID and Public Mistrust
Last month marks three years since Covid-19 exploded in America and began devastating the world. Sadly, over this period trust in our public health officials and government agencies, like the Centers for Disease Control, has plunged.
Recently, public health expert, Dr. Leana Wen, commented about the growing mistrust of science and public health policies. Her remarks deserve our attention. She explained how the government’s messaging about COVID-19 created confusion and mistrust. I would like to build on her remarks and explain the psychology of public misturst whichhas grown during the crisis.
BEING PRESENT
One of the most common problems reported by couples, (not feeling listened to or heard), can, with some practice, be fixed. Learning to pay attention and truly be present with one’s partner is crucial for good communication in any relationship. It is especially important in intimate ones. https://www.healthline.com/health/being-present
Being present is especially challenging when what a person is expressing is negative, angry, fearful or discouraged feelings. Rather than patiently listening, our natural inclination may be to change the subject, tune out or physically withdraw. That’s because listening to intense negative emotion can trigger stressful feelings within us which make it difficult to respond rationally.
Men may have an even more difficult time with empathy because of their natural tendency is to solve problems and provide solutions. While that might sound helpful, it often, isn’t. Offering premature solutions can be experienced as an interruption which stops the person from completing what they are trying to say.
Many communication difficulties stems from a fundamental confusion and oversimplification of why people talk to one another. Sometimes verbal communication is simple and direct. When you go to a bank and ask the teller for twenty dollars, the transaction is concrete. It doesn’t matter what either party is feeling as long as the teller correctly does what the customer asked.
Most human communications, however, are complex and take place on two levels: the concrete/literal level and the subtext/feeling level. What many couples don’t understand is that a connection on the feeling level must be made FIRST before moving to the concrete or literal meaning of the words.
Being there emotionally is what empathy and good communication is all about. For example, imagine a wife comes home from an appointment with a new hair dresser and asks her husband , “What do you think ?”
Although the sentence sounds like simple question, it isn’t. Any man who thinks that it is will have a serious problem on his hands. In fact, the meta-level/emotional level expressed by her facial expressions, body language and voice tone reveals that what she is asking for is not his opinion but reassurance that the new stylist did not butcher her hair. thttps://www.healthline.com/health/being-present
In order for the husband to respond in a helpful way, he needs to give her his full attention. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills, assist you in being a better listener and be more fully present in conversations
For more recent and past Mental Health postings, visit our Blog archive.