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Hi! I am Michael Heath and this is the Pine Ridge Pastoral Counseling Web Page. Pine Ridge is a place for folks who are looking for the best mental health care but who are turned off by large clinics or impersonal facilities.
Since 1994, Pine Ridge has offered a distinctive and more personal alternative for mental health needs while providing a comprehensive range of psychological services to help individuals, couples and families deal with a wide range of emotional, relational, crisis related, life phase and spiritual problems.
Since I am both a state Licensed Psychotherapist and a nationally Certified Pastoral Counselor, I offer a comprehensive therapeutic approach which can relate to both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of life’s difficulties .
This web site is a great place to learn about my areas of expertise and to find answers to questions you may have concerning psychotherapy, marriage counseling, couples counseling, and other counseling related issues. If you can’t find what you’re looking for, please contact me and I’ll be glad to help.
Helping the people of Central New York since 1978 with:
- ANXIETY / DEPRESSION / OCD
- PTSD / SEXUAL ABUSE
- STRESS MANAGEMENT
- OBSESSIONS / COMPULSIONS
- LOSS AND GRIEVING
- SPIRITUAL CONFUSION / LOSS OF FAITH
- SHAME / GUILT / LOW SELF-ESTEEM
- POOR COUPLE COMMUNICATION
- ARGUMENTS / CONFLICT
- SEX / NO SEX
- PORNOGRAPHY / SEX ADDICTION
- BETRAYAL / INFIDELITY
- SEPARATION / DIVORCE
- MONEY / KIDS / INLAWS
Latest Blog Articles
By Rev. Michael Heath
Affirmations & Self-Esteem
Many people have poor self-esteem. Likewise, many believed that repeating self-affirmations was a way to improve one’s self-regard. Of course, everyone wants and needs self-affirmation, but it is overrated as a therapeutic technique.
Self-affirmation was a big deal in pop psychology 30 years ago. Bookstores and novelty shops promoted it with posters and T-shirts featuring affirming platitudes. Likewise, business offices posted them prominently in waiting areas.
While there is nothing wrong with ego-boosting messages, the value of simply repeating them to yourself is limited. Remember comedian Al Franken? He lampooned and exposed the fallacy of this craze through his SNL character, Stuart Smalley, who began each day by reciting empty self-affirmations.
While, internet apps have pretty much replaced posters, the emphasis is still pretty much the same. SELF: Self-Care & Self-Love – Apps on Google Play Although, self-affirmations are not a bad thing, they can’t take the place of psychotherapy to repair significant self-esteem issues.
Today, I want to review some basic facts about self-esteem and explain how recent research in neuroscience has increased our understanding of how self-esteem can be damaged and why it is so difficult to repair. Within that context, the legitimate place of affirmations can be better appreciated.
RU NDNA DEFICIENT ?
Having just returned from vacation, it's time for my annual segment on leisure and self-care. ABOUT LEISURE DEFICIENCY | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY, Specifically, I want to discuss the importance of NON-DEMAND NEURAL ACTIVITY (NDNA). NDNA is a conscious self-aware/observational/experiential activity that does not stress the brain and neural circuitry. In addition, it helps to heal neuropathways damaged by stress. Although the science is relatively new, the wisdom of not stressing activity is ancient. Indeed, the growth in acceptance of meditation expresses Western medical science's high regard for this ancient Eastern practice. Healthy neural activity has even been associated with longevity and avoiding dementia related disorders. Nervous system activity might influence human longevity, neural activity — Harvard Gazette Modern research supports the value of meditation. Activities...
Reconciling Love & Desire
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY !
Valentine’s Day is a celebration of romance. Thus, it’s the perfect time to reflect on the complexity and mystery of love and sex.
While its name, Saint Valentine, has a Christian origin, the festival itself began as the Roman fertility festival, Lupercalia. While Pope Gelasius banned Christians from celebrating Lupercalia in the 5th century, the actual observance of St Valentine’s Day did not begin until sometime in the 14th century.
Apart from its historical origins, the meaning of the day is complicated by an ongoing tension between the different meanings of the word love. The Greeks had many words to express the different kinds of love. e.g.:
Philia or brotherly love
Agape, or love for everyone
Storge, or motherly/familial love; and
Eros, or sexual passion.
The real tension among these types of love was between eros and agape. (10 Key Things That Differentiate Love and Desire)
Men, Sex & Anxiety
With Valentine’s Day not far away, romance will be in the news. While the 14th of February is a special time for many, for others, it’s difficult.
Although the focus of Valentine’s Day tends to be on women, the day can be especially difficult for men. One major obstacle to romance for men is the sexual anxiety and worries about their penis.
The emotional toll that erectile dysfunction takes on men is often overlooked. Because sex therapy and medication have proven to be effective in eliminating ED, many, including doctors, assume that it is no longer a problem. Likewise, because of embarrassment, many men avoid seeking help. (More on this later.)
So today, let’s talk about this overlooked problem. I want to share simple ways to resolve the cognitive dissonance of struggling with sexual anxiety on the one hand but not reaching out to get safe and effective treatment on the other.
To be clear, there are a number of medical issues that first need to be checked out by a physician. Things such as low hormone levels, certain medications, too much alcohol or normal aging can cause a problem. Causes of ED: Anger, Performance Anxiety, and More
For those who do not have a physical problem or depression (We will discuss depression and sex another time.), anxiety is a significant cause of erectile dysfunction.
Here are some tips to help with these common causes of anxiety that cause erectile dysfunction and get in the way of erotic intimacy and sensual pleasure:
Non-Empathic Listening
Good communication between partners is one of the most important skills for married couples. Not surprisingly, it is also the most common problem for couples seeking counseling.
While there are different kinds of communication skills, the ability to empathize is essential for maintaining loving relationships.
Today, I want to talk about a major obstacle to empathy. Men, especially, struggle with what I call the “Wheel of Fortune” problem (WOF).
“The Wheel of Fortune” Listening
You’re familiar with the game show, right? Vanna White would turn hidden letters to reveal a familiar phrase. Contestants vied to identify a familiar phrase with the fewest uncovered letters.
In my experience, some partners, mostly men, think listening is like playing the Wheel of Fortune. In other words, they understand a conversation to be an exchange in which their mate presents a problem.
The WOF approach to communication is problem-solving rather than emphatic listening. From this perspective, the point of listening is to figure out a solution to a problem as quickly as possible
The problem with WOF is that, while partners may sometimes ask their mates for help dealing with a difficult issue or situation, not all conversations are about solving problems.
Self-Care is Not a Luxury
As 2025 begins, many will be thinking about making New Year’s resolutions. While losing weight, exercising, and cutting back on alcohol consumption, along with other self-improvement goals, are important, it’s a researched fact that most resolutions are not accomplished. In fact, the success rate for keeping resolutions is a dismal 9%. New Year’s Resolutions Statistics and Trends [2024]
On the contrary, studies show that overwhelmingly, people feel compelled to change because of external expectations and demands. What is important to understand is that guilt and shame are not effective motivators for long-lasting change.
Again, although people make changes for a while, studies show that to sustain lasting change, the motivation for must come from within. It’s like the old joke goes, “How many people does it take to change a light bulb? One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.”
Data reveals that focusing on self-care rather than giving-in to external pressures or feelings of the obligation to change is the best way to make important changes in one’s life.
To be clear, self-care may not involve change or resolving problems so much as it does learning how to better cope with difficult situations that may not have a simple or immediate solution.
Although any significant change is difficult, committing to self-care is especially hard because both religion and culture are against it. That said, developing good self-care habits is not impossible. Here are some basics for those who are interested in committing to increased self-care: Goal 2023: Self-Care | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
From Anger to Advocacy
Now that the dust from the sensational United HealthCare CEO murder has settled, it’s time to reflect on the larger significance of these events. To be clear, there is no justification or moral support for what the assassin did. Legitimate social protest must never involve physical violence.
That said, the intensity of the “volcanic” reaction to Thompson’s death exposes the anger many feel toward private health insurance. This public outcry is pervasive and thus needs serious consideration.
Easing Holiday Stress
2024 has been a rough year. As we head toward the finish line, holiday gatherings can add even more stress. https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-around-the-holidays-a-pastoral-counseling-approach/
As a pastoral counselor, I’m asked what advice the Bible has for dealing with the holidays. Actually, one story is particularly helpful. , Indeed, the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10: 38-42) is as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago. This beloved biblical classic has an important lesson for those who struggle with family and social gatherings at this time of year. https://uihc.org/health-topics/coping-holiday-anxiety-and-stress
THE TEXT
“Now, as they went on their way, he entered a village, and a woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; 42 one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Lk 10.38-42 RSV)
Flirting with your Spouse?
How long has it been since you flirted with your spouse ? If it’s been a while, here are some things to think about if flirting with your parter sounds like fun.
To begin, flirting has a some what questionable reputation due to its association with an activity conducted with someone to whom one is not married, It’s rarely talked about when considering ways to improve one’s marriage or sex life. Let me explain why it is important for both enriching a relationship and protecting marriage from infidelity.
Infidelity and Flirting
Infidelity is a huge problem for many relationships. While there are many reasons why partners cheat, not feelling appreciated and feeling taken for granted rank high on the list.
After a few years of marriage, there is a tendency for folks to slip into comfortable but not necessarily excioting routines. As a result, they stop trying to be attractive to or flirt with their mates.
Many of the efforts made while courting disappear. The way we dress, the way we talk to each other become mundane. Little surprises and considerate gestures become fewer and fewer. Thus, romance dims.
Flirting and Neuro-chemistry
By contrast, one reason that affairs occur is because they are new and exciting and energized. People involved in affairs go out of their way to make each other feel special. That special feeling is the result of a complex release of substances like dopamine, phenylethylamine and serotonin. .
This special attention is very attractive and powerful. The narcotic-like substances that the brain releases are addictive. Sadly, when that neuro-transmitter hit is not forthcoming at home, some folks look to find it elsewhere.
Behaviorally, affairs often begin innocently with flirting, that is playful gestures of attraction which are meant for amusement more than a serious intent. However, if continued, the playful can become serious and lead to an actual acting out of infidelilty.
When taken with the fact that many couples complain that their love life isn’t what it used to be, affairs, even though wrong and risky, can happen. To make matters even worse, the technology of the internet and explicit affair-arranging websites like Ashley Madison have made having sex outside of marriage as easy as making a few key strokes .
Many marriages start out with flirting but, over the years, the playful banter stopped. The good news is that couples who flirt with each other can reignite playfulness and passion as well as reduce their risk having affairs.
So, here is some information about flirting that can help you to put the spark back in your marriage and protect it from affairs..
For more recent and past Mental Health postings, visit our Blog archive.
