by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 17, 2025
Usually, as a pastoral counselor, I demonstrate how mental health and religion go together. I help clients who identify as persons of faith by translating unfamiliar psychological concepts into the more familiar language of their religious tradition. My concern is to demonstrate that their religious beliefs and mental health are compatible. Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Over the years, however, I’ve discovered a different aspect of pastoral counseling. I have discovered that a pastoral counselor is not just a cheerleader for religion. In fact, it is increasingly an obligation is to call out religious abuse.
For example, many folks who presented with what looked like depression or anxiety were. in fact, suffering from the consequences of an abusive religious upbringing, specifically, certain strains of Christianity. They what could be labeled religious PTSD.
Of late, it is clear that the word Christian conveys dramatically different meanings. Thus, one can’t assume that faith and psychology go together. For the most part, the individual beliefs themselves are not abusive, but, when exaggerated or taken in isolation or out of context, they can be.
Sometimes the abusiveness stems from the way some forms of Christianity interpret Jesus’ teaching. Worse, when religious tenets conflict with established science, they have the potential to be psychologically harmful. Abusive, unhealthy traditional Christianity, theology, and practice — Unadulterated Love
With this in mind, I want to call out and address specific religious teachings that not only inflict needless emotional pain but also cause psychological harm.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 3, 2025
Psychotherapy, like other healthcare fields, is a constantly evolving endeavor. Over the years, research and practice have expanded our understanding and refined the techniques used to treat psychological disorders.
47 years of practicing psychotherapy helps me appreciate how things have changed. Here are some observations. Counseling: An Update. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Psychotherapy: From the Beginning
Many people are unaware that the counseling profession is relatively young. Of course, clergy and teachers have helped folks over the centuries, but the start of a medical profession dates back to the late 19th century and Sigmund Freud.
Freud discovered that mental problems could, in addition to medical causes, be the result of psychological trauma. His approach in sessions was to listen while the patient “free associated”, i.e., to say whatever came into their minds.
Freud believed that given time, a person would uncover emotional conflicts created by childhood trauma and that the therapist’s job was to interpret the meaning of what the patient said. In other words, therapy “connected the dots”, and revealed how the past interferes with the person’s present experience.
This increased awareness freed a person from the control of unconscious trauma. In addition to feeling better, greater self-knowledge helped the person to change and eliminate unwanted behaviors.
Behaviorism
In the early 20th century, behavioral therapies, inspired by Pavlov and Watson, arose as an alternative to analytic approaches. Unlike analysis, behavioral therapies placed an emphasis on redirecting conditioned responses rather than increasing awareness.
They believed that understanding is unnecessary to treat psychological problems. Essentially, creating new behavior patterns changes behavior, which changes how you feel,
Some Other Changes
Somewhere in the 1950’s two other developments took place which complicated the treatment of mental disorders. The field of psychopharmacology introduces medication for depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.
Likewise, psychologists, social workers, and other types of mental health practitioners who were not medical doctors began counseling. These new professions spawned a variety of therapies Different approaches to psychotherapy
As a result, since these new practitioners were not medical doctors, a new attitude toward the people served emerged. Individuals, couples and families were regarded as clients and not as patients.
In addition to these changes, here are 6 major advances in psychotherapy which define the state of the art today:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 18, 2025
Many people have poor self-esteem. Likewise, many believed that repeating self-affirmations was a way to improve one’s self-regard. Of course, everyone wants and needs self-affirmation, but it is overrated as a therapeutic technique.
Self-affirmation was a big deal in pop psychology 30 years ago. Bookstores and novelty shops promoted it with posters and T-shirts featuring affirming platitudes. Likewise, business offices posted them prominently in waiting areas.
While there is nothing wrong with ego-boosting messages, the value of simply repeating them to yourself is limited. Remember comedian Al Franken? He lampooned and exposed the fallacy of this craze through his SNL character, Stuart Smalley, who began each day by reciting empty self-affirmations.
While, internet apps have pretty much replaced posters, the emphasis is still pretty much the same. SELF: Self-Care & Self-Love – Apps on Google Play Although, self-affirmations are not a bad thing, they can’t take the place of psychotherapy to repair significant self-esteem issues.
Today, I want to review some basic facts about self-esteem and explain how recent research in neuroscience has increased our understanding of how self-esteem can be damaged and why it is so difficult to repair. Within that context, the legitimate place of affirmations can be better appreciated.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jan 5, 2025
As 2025 begins, many will be thinking about making New Year’s resolutions. While losing weight, exercising, and cutting back on alcohol consumption, along with other self-improvement goals, are important, it’s a researched fact that most resolutions are not accomplished. In fact, the success rate for keeping resolutions is a dismal 9%. New Year’s Resolutions Statistics and Trends [2024]
On the contrary, studies show that overwhelmingly, people feel compelled to change because of external expectations and demands. What is important to understand is that guilt and shame are not effective motivators for long-lasting change.
Again, although people make changes for a while, studies show that to sustain lasting change, the motivation for must come from within. It’s like the old joke goes, “How many people does it take to change a light bulb? One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.”
Data reveals that focusing on self-care rather than giving-in to external pressures or feelings of the obligation to change is the best way to make important changes in one’s life.
To be clear, self-care may not involve change or resolving problems so much as it does learning how to better cope with difficult situations that may not have a simple or immediate solution.
Although any significant change is difficult, committing to self-care is especially hard because both religion and culture are against it. That said, developing good self-care habits is not impossible. Here are some basics for those who are interested in committing to increased self-care: Goal 2023: Self-Care | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jul 17, 2024
The news of Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s passing stunned me—not in a shocking sense. She was 96 years old; it’s just that, having been inspired and guided by her for over 40 years, it’s hard to think of her not being around.
Her death made me realize how important this woman’s work was to my professional development and personal outlook on life. Beyond my personal appreciation, I want to share some of the innovative and groundbreaking contributions she made to sex education and American culture.*
DR. RUTH IN HISTORICAL CONTEXT
It is important to acknowledge that her message was not original. She belongs to an exceptional group of educators and stands on the shoulders of other great leaders who came before her and talked to America calmly and rationally about sex.
For example, in the 40s, Alfred Kinsey conducted groundbreaking sexual research, which was continued and advanced in the 50s by Masters and Johnson. In the 60s, Helen Singer Kaplan, through her teaching and writing, provided the gold standard for sex therapy. In the 70’s, Phil and Lorna Sarrell humanized sexuality studies at Yale Medical School. Here in Syracuse in the 80s, Sol Gordon was an important voice who used humor to bring sex education out of the dark ages.
What was truly unique about Ruth Westheimer was the way she looked and talked about sex. While others dressed in white coats and spoke academically, she looked like your grandmother and cracked jokes.
Dr. Ruth dared to talk about sex like no doctor had before. In general, she taught America to lighten up about sex and stop being so serious. More importantly, she helped us to stop feeling guilty for even talking about it. Here are some areas of her profound and lasting influence.
by Rev. Michael Heath | May 15, 2024
Recently, FETV began airing the original Leave It to Beaver television series and I couldn’t resist watching it. Leave it to Beaver | FETV CBS first aired the series on Friday, October 4th, 1957 at 700 pm. In 1958 it switched to ABC on Thursday night. List of Leave It to Beaver episodes – Wikipedia
LTB was my favorite TV shows when I was growing up. I suppose that was due, in part, to the fact that Jerry Mathers, (who played Theodore Cleaver, “The Beaver”) and I were the same age. I could really relate to his weekly adventures and mishaps.
The Critics
Over the years, critics panned the show for idealizing and avoiding difficult reality. It, along with other shows like Ozzie and Harriet and The Donna Reed Show, are often cited as prime examples of the sugar-coated programming of the 1950s .
Many critics have rightly noticed that everything in the Cleaver household was just too perfect. Indeed, serious problems were never explored. Each episode presented a neat and tidy moral lesson and a happy ending. To be fair, the Zeitgeist of the 50s was softer than the coarser texture of today’s culture.
One wonders how Ward and June would have faired if they were confronted with a serious medical crisis or an alcohol or infidelity problem. Likewise, we are curious how they would have dealt with things like social media or internet porn. The SG on SM & Kids | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com)
Those differences noted, rewatching the episodes surprised me. Despite its age, I believe the series offers important lessons for us today but not in the traditional way.
Praise for Leave it to Beaver has centered around its wholesome moral lessons, While true, I found LTB’s greater contribution was not so much in its moralizing but in the ways it used constructive communication and empathy skills to deal with everyday problems.
Despite the dramatic changes in culture and technology, I found the fundamental ways that the Cleavers talked to and treated one another amazing. Even though I-statement training was not around until after the series had ended, they used its insights and refrained from blaming or name-calling.
I have found the shows so helpful that I have started using LTB episodes with couples and families to show what important communication and empathy concepts look like in action. Here are some examples from an episode from 1958.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 3, 2024
Over the past few years, healthcare professionals have consistently pointed to the lack of individual self-care as a serious mental health concern. Indeed, many Americans suffer from a self-care deficiency. Lack of self-care reduces our resiliency and ability to...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Feb 13, 2024
It’s Valentine’s Day. Beyond the hearts and flowers, it’s important to understand that the day means different things to different people. For those intoxicated by infatuation, Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and sexual passion. ( Actually, the thrills of infatuation are not love. They are sensations caused by dopamine, phenylethylamine and norepinephrine.)
Many relationships are more sober. The initial chemical rush has run its course and the blush of new love has calmed down. Their experience of Valentine’s Day can be different. Indeed, for many, Valentine’s Day can be awkward. Ironically, as the media raises expectations for romance, for a lot of folks, the flames of passion have died down or even gone out.
Fortunately, even though passion may have waned, it can be reignited. Valentine’s Day, then, can be an opportunity for couples to reflect on their love and talk about ways to add more sexual excitement to their relationship.
Unfortunately, many folks find talking about sex difficult, especially with their partner. To be clear, sexual communication is necessary to revive sexual interest and enjoyment. If your sexual communication needs some help, here are some tips: : Tips for Talking to your Partner about Sex | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com)
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 2, 2023
In trying to keep up with “what’s happening now” in the field of sexuality, I came across the phrase “sex-as-a-hobby”. Recently, this way of looking at sex has become popular, especially among those who identify as asexual. They find the perspective useful because it understands sex as something that one does and not as a defining characteristic of who one is. Sex As A Hobby: A Transhumanist’s Perspective – Philosophy, Politics, and Science – Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org)
Others, such as sex coach Ruth Ramsay, employ the sex-as-a-hobby approach to de-mystify the highly emotional topic of sexuality. She finds the concept useful to help couples learn to discuss and deal with sex-related problems more rationally. Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila – YouTube
At first I laughed at the notion of thinking of sex was like a hobby but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it made sense., Although a hobby might not be the best metaphor, we do need to redefine and change how we think about sex. Here’s why:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jul 15, 2023
Recently, I have noticed a significant up-tick in the numbers of clients contacting me who erroneously feared that they had a pornography addiction. After a careful examination, it was clear that, while they had been suffering from misinformation, they did not have an addiction.
It needs to be understood from the outset that even though “pornography addiction” is a popularly used term, I do not find it a help way to conceptualize the problem nor is it listed in the DSM5 as a disorder. Religious or moralistic discussions often denounce problematic masturbation and porn viewing as immoral or a lack of self-control without understanding of its psychological origins.
Although pornography is part of the problem with which these men struggle , it rarely was not the root. Prior childhood trama, religiously induced guilt and shame about sex and marital dischord are common underlying culprits.
The last time I wrote on this subject was four years agao. A Reasonable Approach for Discussing Masturbation and Pornography: Part 1 | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) . Given that misunderstanding has not declinced, I wish to debunk some of the most common myths about pornography.
A recent article in Slate on-line provides an excellent segue for this discussion. What NoFap does to your brain: Why so many people who abstain from masturbation end up suicidal. (slate.com) Although it’s focus is on a particular anti-masturbation effort, NoFap, it provides a goosd summary of the major false notions about pornography.
