Sex and Religion : Confessions of a Pastoral Counselor.
Okay, let’s start with a little Rorschach test. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the words sex and religion ? Not so good. Certainly not like cookies and milk. They just don’t go together very well.
From its inception, Christianity has never been comfortable with the topic of sex. It is important to remember that, when Christianity arose, Roman culture ‘s decadence was at its worst. It is understandable but unfortunate, that to escape its licentiousness, the early church fathers were unable to understand the spiritual aspects of human sexuality and totally separated it from faithful devotion.
Perhaps Christianity’s failure to integrate sexuality into its theology and deal with it realistically was due in part to its expectation of Christ’s imminent return. From that point of view, things concerning the body would be of little concern. However, St. Paul’s discomfort with sex seems to go beyond that. His writings about sex and women are suspect and reveal that he was not actually comfortable with sex at all. For example, he preferred celibacy and only recommended marriage as a way to prevent sexual immorality and deal with sexual desire. (1Cor 7)
For whatever reason, subsequent leaders of the church were never able to fully embrace sexuality in a healthy way. As comedian George Carlin once quipped, the sacrament of marriage was never really able to transform something which was regarded as “dirty” or disgusting into something divine. Sex was largely appreciated for being a means to the end of creating children. (Thomas Aquinas) Little effort was spent extolling the sheer joy of the experience. Worse, church doctrine tended to take natural human curiosity and interest about sex and normal physiological impulses like masturbation, and turn them into mortal sins e.g. having impure thoughts or self-abuse. Indeed, throughout its history, the church has elevated celibacy and sexual purity as the most virtuous and godly state.
I reflect on Christianity’s negative bias against sex in the past because, I, as a pastoral counselor , see the pain caused by religiously induced guilt and shame over sex. Today, the omnipresence of sex in our culture (in advertising and through internet pornography) heightens the conflict. Without positive alternatives to offer, the traditional emphasis on sexual purity is psychologically abusive. The conservative messages are abusive because they give the impression that normal sexual impulses are evil or sinful desires.
Instead of helping folks learn to how to morally and responsibility navigate the choppy waters of the sexual environment found in modern life, the emphasis on purity simply preaches avoidance and condemnation. This attitude exposes the fundamental inability of some churches to understand that sex is not the enemy of faith . Likewise, these beliefs are oblivious to the fact that human sexuality is a vital aspect of a spiritually and psychologically healthy person.
Over the years, the physical abuse of children by clergy has been a terrible reality for many people. Beyond the physical abuse, however, it is clear that the guilt and shame created by ignorant and phobic attitudes towards sex and sexual diversity is an even more extensive and pervasive problem which has been often minimized or ignored.
