by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 15, 2026
Recently, my wife and I went on vacation. Since our usual spot was closed for renovations, we decided to book a nearby resort. Unlike previous getaways, this place was not adult-only. Initially, I was somewhat concerned about what that would be like. Fortunately, my worries were quickly assuaged, and I was happily surprised. Indeed, what I discovered was the wonderful experience of watching parents taking pleasure in playing with their children.
It was touching to see the delight on a dad’s face as he tossed a ball to his son in the pool. Likewise, I got a kick out of listening to the laughter of children splashing together with mom in the ocean.
With that discovery in mind, here is why delighting in and finding joy with your children is important for both them and you.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 2, 2026
Feeling stressed because of upsetting headlines in the news is nothing new. Over the years, I’ve written about how to deal with numerous distressing media reports. Things like COVID-19, school shootings, and economic woes triggered panicked phone calls from folks seeking relief in counseling. TIPS FOR PANIC | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
More recently, the phones are ringing, especially because of things like ICE’s brutality, the Minneapolis shootings, and the withheld Epstein files. That said, something about these calls is different. Instead of an issue, folks express anger at Donald Trump. Not surprisingly, the most recent attack on Iran also spiked panicked calls
Ever since 2015, anxious reactions to Trump have been labeled Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS). (Who is credited with coining the phrase ‘Trump derangement syndrome’ (TDS), and why has it gained popularity among pundits, politicians, and others in recent years? – Quora.) This pseudoscientific perjorative refers to a condition where a person is obsessed and fearful of Donald Trump. (To be clear, the authoritative Diagnostic and Statistical Manual does not recognize this phenomenon as a psychological disorder.)
My concern today is to stress that to be obsessed, i.e., to be worried about disturbing Trump’s actions, is not necessarily pathological. Quite opposite. Under certain unusually dangerous conditions, not being obsessed is a state of denial. The difference between an unhealthy and healthy obsession is simple. Unhealthy obsessions are stuck and do not produce results. healthy ones, do.
Therefore, given the number of distressed calls, I think it is helpful to understand how healthy obsessions function. I then want to offer some tips for dealing with them.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Feb 16, 2026
Even though Valentine’s Day is past, it’s not too late to think about love; it is an opportunity to go beyond the hearts and flowers of the holiday and consider love’s deeper significance. As a therapist, I know that lasting, mature love is much more than desire. The kind of love that sustains a marriage goes beyond simple attraction. With that in mind, I want to share some thoughts on mature love and offer tips for nurturing true intimacy in a relationship.
The Complex Nature of Love and Desire
Indeed, love is not a simple experience. Unfortunately, the English word does not reveal its nuances. By contrast, the Greek language has five different words to express the different kinds of love:
— Eros, for sexual desire. — Storge for the instinctual love for one’s children, — Philia for brotherly or friendship love, — Agape for unconditional, selfless, divine love for others, and — Pragma for the mature, secure, committed love between husband and wife.
The components of mature love.
With this understanding, it is important to emphasize that the kind of love needed to sustain an adult relationship in marriage is a combination of three types of love: Eros, Philia and Pragma.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Feb 2, 2026
For many reasons, these are very strange times. For someone who helps individuals and couples deal with sexual issues, a glaring paradox stands out: On one hand, research shows that the use of internet pornography is on the rise. On the other hand, both individuals and couples report having less sex.
While some suggest that using porn leads to havingless sex, it’s not that simple. There is no convincing evidence that porn use diminishes interest in having sex with a partner. While not completely understood, here are some of the factors responsible for this perplexing trend:
The Internet and Pornography
The rise of problems connected to pornography correlates directly with the innovation of the internet. The impact of the dramatic change in pornography’s availability accounts for its increased use.
Sexually erotic materials used to be kept from pubic view. For example, drug stores used to hide Playboy magazines under the counter. Today, however, porn is instantly available to anyone, including children, with the click of a mouse. 2025 Porn Addiction Statistics – Rates, Demographics & Effects – Addiction Resource
To be clear, however, the rise in folks viewing pornography does not mean that most people prefer porn to sex. There are other reasons which explain why folks are having less sex.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jan 7, 2026
Okay, it’s the beginning of the new year and many folks are energized and filled with lots of good ideas and resolutions to improve their lives. Numerous studies show, however, that, despite good intentions, most plans for change fall apart in the first week . New Year’s Resolutions | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Don’t get me wrong; I believe that dramatic change is possible and worth the effort. But, from my 47 years of experience helping people to change, I have learned why many efforts to change, fail. The Psychology Behind Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail
The typical cliches, like a person “didn’t try hard enough” or that they lacked “willpower”, miss the point. In fact, significant change is difficult. Significant change is complicated and influenced by unconscious factors. Indeed, unconscious conflicts are why so many of the self-help books don’t work. It’s not that their advice isn’t sound; factors about which we are unaware, our factors interfere.
Most often, they don’t work because changes we are aware of and want to make are tied to old conflicts we are unaware of. So, if one has had problems reaching a life-change goal , some personal exploration beneath one’s conscious surface will be necessary to succeed.
— Think of an Iceberg
An image that helps conceptualize unconscious obstacles to change is an iceberg. There is much more to the challenge of changing below the water line than above it. Thus, it is necessary to look beneath the surface to fully understand both why efforts failed and what is necessary to succeed.
Some Questions to Help You Look Beneath the Surface
Since many people attempt to make changes with an inadequate understanding of the problems involved and without it is no wonder the success rate is so low. Here are some important questions that will help you peek below the surface if you want to increase your odds of succeeding:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 15, 2025
Over the past few years, it has become a custom at holiday times to reflect on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). This story provides helpful insight to reduce the stress of family gatherings. Easing Holiday Stress | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Not surprisingly, modern stress management techniques utilize their timeless insights. Better Ways to Manage Your Holiday Stress | Psychology Today. In keeping with that tradition, I want to focus on Martha and show how her experience can help us to lower our level of anxiety and better deal with the stress that get-togethers can bring.
The Story
To refresh your memory, here is the text of Luke’s timeless account of Martha’s encounter with Jesus: “Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40
But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; 42 one thing is needful.[a] Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Applying The Story to Our Lives
Even a quick review reveals the relevance of this brief but poignant story. The story exposes a universal human dilemma, i.e., how quickly tension between family members can explode.
Although Martha was eager to please her guests, her distress and resentment toward her sister got the best of her. As a result, resentment led her to overlook the occasion’s larger significance, to be angry with her sister, and to snap at Jesus.
Rather than looking at family dynamics, however, I want to focus on how the experience of stress can corrupt our experience and behavior. Also, I want to highlight how Jesus responded to Martha’s outburst. He did not react to her crossness in kind. Instead, he calmly identified her anxiety with compassion.
Both Martha’s reaction and Jesus’ response provide helpful clues for us to deal with our stressful holiday situations.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 4, 2025
Everyone knows what a sigh is. But, just in case you’ve never really thought about it, and to be clear, a sigh is a natural, involuntary occurrence that is expressed as an audible exhaling of the breath … as in ahhh.
Typically, sighs express either exhaustion, sadness, or relief. Whatever the feeling, physically, there is a release and a sense of relaxation. And that is the point. Today, I want to talk about intentional sighing and how it can provide immediate stress relief in moments of emotional duress or panic.
Of course, there are a variety of breathing exercises used to manage stress and anxiety, https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-panic/ Some of them are complicated and or require being in a quiet space to do them. An important advantage of the intentional sigh is its simplicity and that it can be used anywhere at any time.
How to do an intentional sigh ?
An intentional sigh is sometimes called the physiological sigh. It is like a natural sigh except you can choose (intend) to employ when it’s needed. The Science of Physiological Sigh: Insights from Huberman Lab – PsychSolutions, Inc – Therapy In Edmonton, AB T5M 4C9
To do an intentional sigh, all you have to do is take 2 quick breaths followed by a long exhale. That’s it!
When to employ an intentional sigh ?
The key to the effectiveness of the intentional sigh is timing. You focus on your breathing as soon as you recognize that you are becoming upset. Becoming aware of brewing upsets starts with paying attention to muscular tension in your body.
Often, physical reaction precedes feeling stressed. For example, some folks will express stress as muscular tension in their chest or stomach area. Others may feel tightness in their shoulders or lower back. Still others may experience headaches or a clenching of their jaw or fist.
Wherever you feel the tension, you can learn to interpret the sensations as a stress alarm sounding. At this time, the alarm can remind you of your stress response and remind you to take an intentional breath.
In addition to learning how to short-circuit emotional overload, it’s also helpful to understand what happens in our bodies when we feel stressed.
The basics of emotional stress ?
by Rev. Michael Heath | Oct 3, 2025
Recently, a client contacted me to talk about the guilt and embarrassment he felt when talking to his wife about sex. Indeed, over the years, I’ve heard this concern many times. Not surprisingly, he came from a conservative Christian background.
While it is no secret that Christianity has had its problems with sex, many do not know that it was not always that way. Over the years, I’ve discovered that getting to know the history of how sex became an embarrassment helps explain the real source of the underlying conflict. Likewise, increased understanding reduces embarrassment and shame. So, let’s take a look.
History of the Early Church’s Views toward Sex
Jesus and Paul on Sex
Frankly, the New Testament doesn’t record Jesus talking about sex or say anything about his sexual life. We do know that he had compassion and did not shame the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).
Stepping back, Christianity’s problem with sex begins with Jesus’s and his early followers’ belief that the end of the world was near and that the Kingdom of God was at hand. (Mark 1:15) Paul believed that Jesus would return and bring in the new age within his own lifetime. (Thessalonians 4:15–17).
From this point of view, sex becomes unimportant. The Kingdom of God initiated by Jesus was a spiritual reality. In it, male and female distinctions and sex would no longer exist. (Gal. 3:28)
And here is an important fact that is often overlooked. Even in this Apocalyptic context, early Christians did not have a negative view of sex. They shared Jewish beliefs, which held that sex was fine within the bounds of marriage. Sex for early Christians was not a negative thing. The Origins of Christian Teachings on Human Sexuality – World History Encyclopedia
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 15, 2025
TIPS TO COPE WITH DISTURBING NEWS.
The bombshell of Charlie Kirk’s assassination has exploded across the American political scene, creating a wide range of emotions and reactions. In light of the growing list of politically violent incidents, it is becoming increasingly difficult for folks to process such tragic events and remain calm. https://www.npr.org/2025/09/11/nx-s1-5537098/a-look-at-recent-acts-of-political-violence-in-the-u-s
Not wishing to comment on politics, I am concerned about the negative psychological impact these reports are having on people’s, including our leaders’, emotional stability.
This concern has been increased by the increased number of calls I’ve received from anxious folks troubled by the shocking details reported in the media. Many say that they feel overwhelmed by the bombardment of non-stop coverage.
One might think that, given the increased frequency of such events, we would have become less affected by them, but this does not seem to be the case. Kirk’s death is especially poignant, however, given that it happened the day before the twenty-fourth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Back then, I wrote about how the chaos of 9/11 affected our spiritual mourning and the foundations of faith. (Syracuse Post Standard 10/1/2001) Today I want to look at the emotional impact of unexpected horror and offer some tips, based on new research, that can help those who are struggling with anxiety and panic.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 9, 2025
RETHINKING THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL DISORDERS: From nuts and crazy to irrational and dysregulated. Recently, a husband in a counseling session turned and asked me to tell his wife that she was crazy. In declining to do so, I asked if he could tell me what he was feeling...
