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# Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

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- [Suicide: An Update](https://revmichaelheath.com/suicide-an-update/) - A recent article in the Syracuse Post-Standard cited the alarming rise in teen-age suicides and homicides beginning with COVID-19 which has continued to the present. https://www.syracuse.com/us-news/2023/06/suicides-and-homicides-among-young-americans-jumped-early-in-pandemic-study-says.html What is even more disturbing is the fact that suicide rates were already increasing before the pandemic. https://wjla.com/news/nation-world/more-than-a-mental-health-concern-nationwide-increase-in-suicides-prompts-newquestions?fbclid=IwAR1qWZbKn3G1ex_bv8XryK22NuohENbDSC2v87crC_YCcUBpyLoMM-BWEgI Given other reports on our current mental health crisis, it's probably a good time to update what we know about suicide. HOW TO TALK ABOUT SUICIDE To begin, an important change which has taken place in suicide discussions is the words that we use to talk about it. Instead of saying that someone committed suicide, a better way to express it is to say that the person died by suicide . While this might seem like a trivial distinction, the change emphasizes the fact that, in most cases, suicide is not a free choice or conscious act. In addition, the traditional expression of committing suicide denotes needless stigma and shame. A recent article in the Syracuse Post-Standard cited the alarming rise in teen-age suicides and homicides beginning with COVID-19 which has continued to the present. https://www.syracuse.com/us-news/2023/06/suicides-and-homicides-among-young-americans-jumped-early-in-pandemic-study-says.html What is even more disturbing is the fact that suicide rates were already increasing before the pandemic. https://wjla.com/news/nation-world/more-than-a-mental-health-concern-nationwide-increase-in-suicides-prompts-newquestions?fbclid=IwAR1qWZbKn3G1ex_bv8XryK22NuohENbDSC2v87crC_YCcUBpyLoMM-BWEgI Given other reports on our current mental health crisis, it's probably
- [Normal Sex: An Update](https://revmichaelheath.com/normal-sex-an-update/) - I want to talk about sex or, to be more precise, about what is normal sex? What do you think is normal ? I want to explore this topic because a lot of my clients worry that what they're doing or not doing wasn't normal. For example, they are anxious about not having enough sex,
- [Assertiveness & Incivility](https://revmichaelheath.com/assertiveness-incivility/) - There is no denying that over the past few years, civility in political rhetoric has declined. Unfortunately, the crudeness of our politicians has also coarsened the discourse of many regular Americans. Given this regrettable trend, it seems to be a good time to step back and remember that advocating for a position can be done
- [Exposing Toxic Religion](https://revmichaelheath.com/exposing-toxic-religion/) - PASTORAL COUNSELING: EXPOSING TOXIC RELIGION The recent merger of right-wing politics with Evangelical Christianity confuses clients who seek counseling from a pastoral counselor. So, I want to share some thoughts about what pastoral counseling means for me. Pastoral Counseling in Perspective Looking back over the years since Pine Ridge began, I realize how dynamic Pastoral
- [Marriage Tune-Up](https://revmichaelheath.com/marriage-tune-up/) - DOES YOUR MARRIAGE NEED A TUNE-UP ? How are things going in your marriage? Are you having more arguments and less sex ? Do you feel distant from one another ? Are you laughing less and shouting more ? The fact is, even the best marriages go through dry patches and rough times. That's because
- [Anti-Science Therapy](https://revmichaelheath.com/anti-science-therapy/) - Science Assaulted with the Reprieve of Reparative “Therapy” With the soaring price of gas, the Iran War, and the Supreme Court's latest assault on civil rights, Americans have a lot to worry about. Don't look now, but there is another, ongoing problem that is getting worse, viz., the growing anti-science mentality of our government's leadership.
- [Ageism and Sexual Stigma](https://revmichaelheath.com/ageism-and-sexual-stigma/) - AGEISM AND THE STIGMA OF SENIOR SEXUALITY Recently, I attended a workshop about sexual well-being for seniors, and it was a real eye-opener. Although my practice specializes in human sexuality, I was surprised to learn just how much the healthcare system fails older folks when it comes to sex. Neglect in attending to their sexual
- [Intimate Listening 101.](https://revmichaelheath.com/intimate-listening-101/) - "Why can't s/he just listen to me ? " is a common complaint I hear regularly from couples. Over the years, men have been criticized a lot for jumping in with solutions to problems rather than taking the time to listen to what their wives were trying to express. Indeed, I've even written about
- [Parents, Children & Play](https://revmichaelheath.com/parents-children-play/) - The Importance of Finding Joy with Your Kids Recently, my wife and I went on vacation. Since our usual spot was closed for renovations, we decided to book a nearby resort. Unlike previous getaways, this place was not adult-only. Initially, I was somewhat concerned about what that would be like. Fortunately, my worries were quickly
- [TDS & Healthy Obsessions](https://revmichaelheath.com/tds-healthy-obsessions/) - Feeling stressed because of upsetting headlines in the news is nothing new. Over the years, I've written about how to deal with numerous distressing media reports. Things like COVID-19, school shootings, and economic woes triggered panicked phone calls from folks seeking relief in counseling. TIPS FOR PANIC | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY More recently, the
- [On Mature Love](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-mature-love/) - Even though Valentine's Day is past, it's not too late to think about love; it is an opportunity to go beyond the hearts and flowers of the holiday and consider love's deeper significance. As a therapist, I know that lasting, mature love is much more than desire. The kind of love that sustains a marriage
- [The Erotic Paradox](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-erotic-paradox/) - For many reasons, these are very strange times. For someone who helps individuals and couples deal with sexual issues, a glaring paradox stands out: On one hand, research shows that the use of internet pornography is on the rise. On the other hand, both individuals and couples report having less sex. While some suggest that
- [On Men and Listening](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-men-and-listening/) - Over the years, I've found that it's difficult for men to listen to their wives, i.e. to really hear what she is trying say. Part of the problem is that men and women are psychologically different. Fundamental differences A fundamental difference in their emotional makeup creates misunderstanding. According to the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator, 75%
- [Look Beneath the Surface](https://revmichaelheath.com/look-beneath-the-surface/) - Okay, it’s the beginning of the new year and many folks are energized and filled with lots of good ideas and resolutions to improve their lives. Numerous studies show, however, that, despite good intentions, most plans for change fall apart in the first week . New Year’s Resolutions | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY Don’t get
- [Looking Beneath the Surface : Why Keeping New Year's Resolutions Are So Hard](https://revmichaelheath.com/looking-beneath-the-surface-why-keeping-new-years-resolutions-are-so-hard/) - Most New Year's resolutions fail within the first week. The problem is an inadequate an understanding of the challenge. Here are some tips to help yours succeed
- [Learning from Martha](https://revmichaelheath.com/learning-from-martha/) - Over the past few years, it has become a custom at holiday times to reflect on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). This story provides helpful insight to reduce the stress of family gatherings. Easing Holiday Stress | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY Not surprisingly, modern stress management techniques utilize their timeless insights.
- [The Intentional Sigh](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-intentional-sigh/) - ioni Everyone knows what a sigh is. But, just in case you've never really thought about it, and to be clear, a sigh is a natural, involuntary occurrence that is expressed as an audible exhaling of the breath ... as in ahhh. Typically, sighs express either exhaustion, sadness, or relief. Whatever the feeling, there is
- [The Slap: Why we "lose it"](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-slap-why-we-lose-it/) - Actor Will Smith stunned America when he slapped comedian Chris Rock during the Oscars and both the news and social media went wild. Reactions to the incident ran the entire gamut from praise to disgust. Some saw it as a chivalrous act. Others viewed it as a disgusting example of toxic masculinity. Still others felt is was evidence of mental condition. CNN+ | Interview Club | Interview - Why the Oscars Altercation Between Will Smith and Chris Rock Was Such a Trigger As a therapist I help people learn to control their dysfunctional impulses, It would be helpful to learn from this unfortunate incident and clear up some fundamental misunderstandings about anger. This event can be an opportunity to shed light on the serious but misunderstood societal problem of poor impulse control. With respect to Will Smith, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it. What he did was wrong and unacceptable on so many levels. In addition, the audience's calm reaction to it all demonstrates that the problem is much greater than the act of an individual. The whole situation is a glaring and a sad commentary about how callous and insensitive our culture has become to aggressive behavior. To be clear, my concern, here, is neither to judge nor defend the man but to explain the psychology of impulsive behavior. Indeed, it must be acknowledged that. under the right circumstances, any one of us is capable of a similar reaction. Rather than seeing this as Will Smith's problem, it is more helpful to view it as a human problem. That is, I want to explain how impulse control issues are rooted in the fundamental structure of our brain. Here are a couple of basic facts which debunk some common myths about anger:
- [COVID and Public Mistrust](https://revmichaelheath.com/covid-and-public-mistrust/) - Last month marked three years since Covid-19 exploded in America and began devastating the world. Sadly, over this period, trust in our public health officials and government agencies, like the Centers for Disease Control, has plunged. Recently, public health expert, Dr. Leana Wen, commented about the growing mistrust of science and public health policies.
- [Tips for Coping with Shelter-In-Place Living](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-coping-with-shelter-in-place-living/) - Recently, I was interviewed by Spectrum News to help families regarding the challenges presented by shelter-in-place living. Here is a summary of that interview: The threat of the coronavirus has resulted in many new restrictions on our every day living. One particularly difficult change has been the order to shelter-in-place (SIP). Since schools and businesses are closed and other organizations have ordered their employees to work from home, many folks are struggling to adjust to a new daily routine in their over-crowded living spaces. Change of any kind is difficult for most folks but the sudden and radical changes created by SIP are especially precarious for household harmony. Here are some tips to help you cope with this unexpected and disruptive situation: (By the way, everything I recommend are common sense things that you already know. I'm just here to remind and encourage you.)
- [Masculinity in Crisis](https://revmichaelheath.com/masculinity-in-crisis/) - MASCULINITY IN CRISIS: A REASONABLE RESPONSE With the government shutdown finally resolved, other important issues are emerging in the media. Of special concern is the quiet crisis among many young men regarding masculinity and what it means to be a man. Men and masculinity | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY To date, responses are polarized,
- [SEX & SHAME](https://revmichaelheath.com/sex-shame/) - Recently, I wrote about the history of Church's hostile attitude toward sex. Sadly , one unfortunate consequence of its antipathy is the negative impact that it's had on parents' ability to talk rationally about sex with their children. Frankly, many parents just don't know how to talk to their kids about sex without shaming them.
- [INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS](https://revmichaelheath.com/marital-conversations/) - Feeling loved and desired is a problem for many couples who have been together for a while. I frequently hear from a husband or wife who feels romantically stuck. Although things weren't bad in their relationship, they felt that the spark had gone out. The good news is that, while it's common for romance and
- [Christianity and Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/christianity-and-sex/) - Recently, a client contacted me to talk about the guilt and embarrassment he felt when talking to his wife about sex. Indeed, over the years, I've heard this concern many times. Not surprisingly, he came from a conservative Christian background. While it is no secret that Christianity has had its problems with sex, many do
- [TIPS FOR PANIC](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-panic/) - TIPS TO COPE WITH DISTURBING NEWS. The bombshell of Charlie Kirk’s assassination has exploded across the American political scene, creating a wide range of emotions and reactions. In light of the growing list of politically violent incidents, it is becoming increasingly difficult for folks to process such tragic events and remain calm. https://www.npr.org/2025/09/11/nx-s1-5537098/a-look-at-recent-acts-of-political-violence-in-the-u-s Not wishing
- [Mental Health Language](https://revmichaelheath.com/re-thinking-crazy/) - RETHINKING THE LANGUAGE OF MENTAL DISORDERS: From nuts and crazy to irrational and dysregulated. Recently, a husband in a counseling session turned and asked me to tell his wife that she was crazy. In declining to do so, I asked if he could tell me what he was feeling when he made his request. He
- [Beware of Abusive Religion](https://revmichaelheath.com/beware-of-abusive-religion/) - Usually, as a pastoral counselor, I demonstrate how mental health and religion go together. I help clients who identify as persons of faith by translating unfamiliar psychological concepts into the more familiar language of their religious tradition. My concern is to demonstrate that their religious beliefs and mental health are compatible. Pastoral Counseling ? |
- [Therapy Advances](https://revmichaelheath.com/therapy-advances/) - Psychotherapy, like other healthcare fields, is a constantly evolving endeavor. Over the years, research and practice have expanded our understanding and refined the techniques used to treat psychological disorders. 47 years of practicing psychotherapy helps me appreciate how things have changed. Here are some observations. Counseling: An Update. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY Psychotherapy: From
- [A.I. in Perspective](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-i-in-perspective/) - It's not an exaggeration to say that artificial intelligence (AI) has become a dominant force in modern culture. What started out as simple things, like speech-to-text software, has become a mind-boggling technology that can not only analyze data but also solve problems and produce images and videos that are almost indistinguishable from actual recordings. And
- [Rethinking Foregiveness](https://revmichaelheath.com/rethinking-foregiveness/) - What comes to mind when you hear the word forgiveness ? When one is betrayed or treated unjustly, it's normal to feel anger and resentment. Sometimes, however, the initial reaction doesn't go away and the ill feelings can disrupt relationships and get in the way of living. Religion and moral teachings have taught us that
- [Violence in the News](https://revmichaelheath.com/violence-in-the-news/) - Recently, the news has been filled with so much violence that it's impossible to shrug it off. As the reports from the Israeli/Iran war grow more disturbing each day, breaking news screams the shocking details of the Minnesota shootings. Although most people aren't directly affected by these events, the non-stop media coverage wears away our
- [Counseling: An Update.](https://revmichaelheath.com/counseling-an-update/) - Over the years, attitudes about counseling as well as counseling itself have changed. While the stigma connected to counseling may have declined, many misconceptions about it still endure. In addition, new research has significantly changed how we understand and treat emotional problems. Today, I want to update your understanding and answer some common questions that
- [AGING and DENIAL](https://revmichaelheath.com/aging-and-denial/) - Recently, the release of the audio recording of Special Counsel Robert Hur's interview of Joe Biden exposed, in painful detail, evidence of the president's cognitive decline. Biden’s Interview With Hur Confirms What Many Suspected - The New York Times The tape confirmed what critics of the president had previously alleged. Likewise, it raised a firestorm
- [Connecting Momments](https://revmichaelheath.com/connecting-momments/) - I've been a counselor since 1978 but I have never seen anything like what has been going on over the past few months. People are calling me in the midst of panic, worrying that they are going crazy. Fortunately, most often, a brief examination of their situation reveals that they are quite sane. Their panic
- [Easter: a Soulful View](https://revmichaelheath.com/easter-a-soulful-view/) - With Easter upon us, many take time to reflect on its enduring meaning. For Christians, Easter commemorates the resurrection of Jesus. Apart from Christianity, Easter celebrates the arrival of spring as new life emerges from the death of winter. In past segments, I've written about Easter as a metaphor( Easter as Psychological Metaphor: The Resurrection
- [Anti-Trans Myths](https://revmichaelheath.com/confronting-trans-myths/) - Recently, I saw a meme (below) that stopped me cold. It deepened my awareness of how vulnerable gay and trans teens are. Worse, it underscored how deadly anti-gay/trans rhetoric and policies can be. The Trevor Project - Suicide Prevention for LGBTQ+ Young People To be clear, higher suicide rates for gay and trans individuals are
- [Affirmations & Self-Esteem](https://revmichaelheath.com/affirmations-self-esteem/) - Many people have poor self-esteem. Likewise, many believed that repeating self-affirmations was a way to improve one's self-regard. Of course, everyone wants and needs self-affirmation, but it is overrated as a therapeutic technique. Self-affirmation was a big deal in pop psychology 30 years ago. Bookstores and novelty shops promoted it with posters and T-shirts featuring
- [RU NDNA DEFICIENT ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/ru-ndna-deficient/) - Having just returned from vacation, it's time for my annual segment on leisure and self-care. ABOUT LEISURE DEFICIENCY | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY, Specifically, I want to discuss the importance of NON-DEMAND NEURAL ACTIVITY (NDNA). NDNA is a conscious self-aware/observational/experiential activity that does not stress the brain and neural circuitry. In addition, it helps to
- [Reconciling Love & Desire](https://revmichaelheath.com/reconciling-love-desire/) - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY ! Valentine's Day is a celebration of romance. Thus, it's the perfect time to reflect on the complexity and mystery of love and sex. While its name, Saint Valentine, has a Christian origin, the festival itself began as the Roman fertility festival, Lupercalia. While Pope Gelasius banned Christians from celebrating Lupercalia in
- [Men, Sex & Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/men-sex-anxiety/) - With Valentine's Day not far away, romance will be in the news. While the 14th of February is a special time for many, for others, it's difficult. Although the focus of Valentine's Day tends to be on women, the day can be especially difficult for men. One major obstacle to romance for men is the
- [Non-Empathic Listening](https://revmichaelheath.com/non-empathic-listening/) - Good communication between partners is one of the most important skills for married couples. Not surprisingly, it is also the most common problem for couples seeking counseling. While there are different kinds of communication skills, the ability to empathize is essential for maintaining loving relationships. Today, I want to talk about a major obstacle to
- [Self-Care is Not a Luxury](https://revmichaelheath.com/self-care-is-not-a-luxury/) - As 2025 begins, many will be thinking about making New Year's resolutions. While losing weight, exercising, and cutting back on alcohol consumption, along with other self-improvement goals, are important, it's a researched fact that most resolutions are not accomplished. In fact, the success rate for keeping resolutions is a dismal 9%. New Year's Resolutions Statistics
- [From Anger to Advocacy](https://revmichaelheath.com/from-anger-to-advocacy/) - Now that the dust from the sensational United HealthCare CEO murder has settled, it’s time to reflect on the larger significance of these events. To be clear, there is no justification or moral support for what the assassin did. Legitimate social protest must never involve physical violence. That said, the intensity of the “volcanic” reaction to Thompson’s
- [Easing Holiday Stress](https://revmichaelheath.com/easing-holiday-stress/) - 2024 has been a rough year. As we head toward the finish line, holiday gatherings can add even more stress. https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-around-the-holidays-a-pastoral-counseling-approach/ As a pastoral counselor, I’m asked what advice the Bible has for dealing with the holidays. Actually, one story is particularly helpful. , Indeed, the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10: 38-42) is
- [Flirting with your Spouse?](https://revmichaelheath.com/flirting-with-your-spouse-2/) - How long has it been since you flirted with your spouse ? If it's been a while, here are some things to think about if flirting with your parter sounds like fun. To begin, flirting has a some what questionable reputation due to its association with an activity conducted with someone to whom one is
- [First-Aid for Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/first-aid-for-anxiety-2/) - Given the recent election results, I have received many panicked phone calls from folks terrified about what will happen to our country. While I do not wish to get into political discussions, I do wish to respond to those feeling anxious and provide concrete steps to take to reduce their discomfort. Anxiety is a serious
- [Improving Communication](https://revmichaelheath.com/improving-communication/) - Poor communication is a major problem in many relationships. In fact, of all the problems that bring couples to counseling, poor communication is at or close to the top . Why Do Couples Seek Marital Therapy? | Request PDF (researchgate.net) Of course, there are different types of communication. There are simple informational exchanges like "What
- [Prof. Pastoral Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/pastoral-counseling-2/) - Despite being around for over 50 years, many people are still confused about what professional pastoral counseling (PPC) is. Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com)This confusion is understandable since the term is imprecise. For example, any minister who gives guidance is, in a sense, a pastoral counselor. I wish to use the
- [COPING WITH PANIC](https://revmichaelheath.com/coping-with-panic/) - Anxiety and panic attacks are serious mental health problems. Over the past twenty years, neuroscientists, especially those who study the autonomic nervous system (ANS), have learned a lot about why we worry. Fortunately, the research has also produced more effective techniques to deal with these issues. Our increased understanding of the neurology of panic has
- [Young Men's Crisis](https://revmichaelheath.com/men-in-crisis/) - Is masculinity bad ? Many young men are in crisis over what it means to be a man says Professor Scott Galloway during a recent interview on CNN's Smerconish. Although Galloway has the data to back it up, very few are aware of or seem to care about it. Galloway, who teaches marketing at New
- [REMEMBERING PHIL DONAHUE](https://revmichaelheath.com/remembering-phil-donahue/) - Amid all the political hoopla, I was saddened to hear of Phil Donahue’s death. Phil Donahue, influential TV talk show host, dead at 88 - ABC News (go.com) Although he was among the most popular TV personalities during the late ‘70s and '80s, I wonder if folks still remember him or appreciate his lasting contributions
- [POST-RECOVERY GRIEVING](https://revmichaelheath.com/post-recovery-grieving/) - Recently, a client who had made significant strides in recovering from childhood trauma reported that she was puzzled by feelings of melancholy when thinking about her abusive parents. She noted that, although she no longer felt angry at her abusive father and her mother who had not protected her, she nontheless felt sad about the
- [Online Misinformation](https://revmichaelheath.com/online-misinformation/) - The spectacle and athletic excellence in the Paris Olympics have offered a welcome respite and an uplifting alternative to the world's harsh realities. Sadly, two incidents demonstrated that not even the Olympic Games are safe from the growing plague of social media misinformation. For example, protests erupted over a scene presented during the opening ceremony
- [REMEMBERING "DR. RUTH"](https://revmichaelheath.com/remembering-dr-ruth/) - The news of Dr. Ruth Westheimer's passing stunned me—not in a shocking sense. She was 96 years old; it's just that, having been inspired and guided by her for over 40 years, it's hard to think of her not being around. Her death made me realize how important this woman's work was to my professional
- [Tips for Living Together](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-living-together/) - Recently, I've noticed that more couples are coming to me seeking help before moving in together. While I've done pre-marital counseling for many years, what is surprising is that unmarried couples who plan to live together want help too. Some of these folks have never lived with another person and are looking for basic information
- [SOCIAL MEDIA ALERT!](https://revmichaelheath.com/social-media-alert/) - [et_pb_section][et_pb_row][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text] Recently, you may have heard that the Surgeon General of the United States urged Congress to place a black box warning label on social media. We’ve all seen them before on various prescription bottles as well as on all tobacco products. In this case, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy told Congress that the labels
- [Having less sex?](https://revmichaelheath.com/having-less-sex/) - Recent studies reveal that people are having less sex. For single folks under 40, more than half haven't had sex in a year. This trend is also reported among married folks as well. Americans Are Having Less Sex, So Experts Say It’s Time to Shift Our Focus From Quantity to Quality | GQ The stress
- [Leave it to Beaver](https://revmichaelheath.com/leave-it-to-beaver/) - Recently, FETV began airing the original Leave It to Beaver television series and I couldn't resist watching it. Leave it to Beaver | FETV CBS first aired the series on Friday, October 4th, 1957 at 700 pm. In 1958 it switched to ABC on Thursday night. List of Leave It to Beaver episodes - Wikipedia
- [Smartphones & Phubbing](https://revmichaelheath.com/smartphones-phubbing/) - Every new major technology disrupts the cultural and social patterns into which it emerges. The radio and then television changed the evening routines of many households in America. So, it is no surprise that the smartphone impacts how we interact and relate to one another. It is not an exaggeration to say that smartphones have
- [First-Aid for Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/tipp-for-anxiety/) - With the stressors of inflation, cultural polarization and wars, more and more people are feeling anxious. It seems that every day new reports are showing how anxiety levels are climbing throughout the world. The social and economic consequences of COVID-19 have resulted in more people seeking professional help to cope. In many places, the demand
- [Psychology and Easter](https://revmichaelheath.com/psychology-and-easter/) - Happy Easter, Everyone ! Having said that, I realize that Easter means different things to different people. As a child, Easter meant Easter Baskets and brightly colored eggs. For others, it's a celebration of Nature and the return of Spring after a long and cold winter. For many Christians, Easter is all about the miracle
- [Myth of Needing Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/myth-of-needing-counseling/) - This week marked the fourth anniversary of switching my counseling practice from in-person to tele-therapy. This change was due to the threat posed by the COVID-19 pandemic. Beyond changing the way counseling is delivered, COVID-19 affected mental health in a variety of ways. Multiple studies agree that COVID raised anxiety and depression levels in America
- [Guilt: True and False](https://revmichaelheath.com/guilt-true-and-false/) - Over the past few years, healthcare professionals have consistently pointed to the lack of individual self-care as a serious mental health concern. Indeed, many Americans suffer from a self-care deficiency. Lack of self-care reduces our resiliency and ability to cope with stress and makes us vulnerable to increased anxiety and depression. In my practice, I
- [V'Day for the rest of us.](https://revmichaelheath.com/vday-for-the-rest-of-us/) - IMPROVING SEXUAL COMMUNICATION: The Key to Rekindling Romance and Passion It's Valentine's Day. Beyond the hearts and flowers, it's important to understand that the day means different things to different people. For those intoxicated by infatuation, Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and sexual passion. ( Actually, the thrills of infatuation are not love.
- [Trending:Throupling?](https://revmichaelheath.com/throuple-curiosity/) - With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I wondered what to write about for my blog. Over the past 18 years, I've written all kinds of articles about love, marriage and sex. With them, I've helped couples rekindle the flames of passion. A Valentine's Day Primer for Couples who want more Romance in their Marriage. | Pastoral
- [The Depressive "Hole"](https://revmichaelheath.com/perception-and-depression/) - Everyone knows what it's like to feel depressed. Indeed, we commonly associate depression with sadness and tears, but there is so much more to this painful condition. DEPRESSION | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) When bad things happen to us, it is normal to feel depressed for a while. With time, most folks adjust and
- [New Year's Resolutions](https://revmichaelheath.com/new-years-resolutions/) - Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. Personally, I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Goal Setting Foundations - Arc of Monroe (arcmonroe.org) The goals, like getting in shape, losing weight, eating healthier, not smoking or drinking less, are good things to strive for. The problem lies in the fact that making and sustaining significant change is complicated. That said, it is still important to have self-improvement goals and not to give up. Today, I want us to look at the practice of making New Year's resolutions historically. By doing so, we can gain both perspective on this ancient practice and some insight to help us achieve our goals. Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. Personally, I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Goal Setting Foundations - Arc of Monroe (arcmonroe.org) The goals, like getting in shape, losing weight, eating healthier, not smoking or drinking less, are good things to strive for. The problem lies in the fact that making and sustaining significant change is complicated. That said, it is still important to have self-improvement goals and not to give up. Today, I want us to look at the practice of making New Year's resolutions historically. By doing so, we can gain both perspective on this ancient practice and some insight to help us achieve our goals. Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. Personally, I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Goal Setting Foundations - Arc of Monroe (arcmonroe.org) The goals, like getting in shape, losing weight, eating healthier, not smoking or drinking less, are good things to strive for. The problem lies in the fact that making and sustaining significant change is complicated. That said, it is still important to have self-improvement goals and not to give up. Today, I want us to look at the practice of making New Year's resolutions historically. By doing so, we can gain both perspective on this ancient practice and some insight to help us achieve our goals. Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. Personally, I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Goal Setting Foundations - Arc of Monroe (arcmonroe.org) The goals, like getting in shape, losing weight, eating healthier, not smoking or drinking less, are good things to strive for. The problem lies in the fact that making and sustaining significant change is complicated. That said, it is still important to have self-improvement goals and not to give up. Today, I want us to look at the practice of making New Year's resolutions historically. By doing so, we can gain both perspective on this ancient practice and some insight to help us achieve our goals. Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. Personally, I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions. Goal Setting Foundations - Arc of Monroe (arcmonroe.org) The goals, like getting in shape, losing weight, eating healthier, not smoking or drinking less, are good things to strive for. The problem lies in the fact that making and sustaining significant change is complicated. That said, it is still important to have self-improvement goals and not to give up. Today, I want us to look at the practice of making New Year's resolutions historically. By doing so, we can gain both perspective on this ancient practice and some insight to help us achieve our goals. Okay, it's the start of a new year and many folks are making New Year's resolutions. Indeed there are lots of folks offering tips on how to succeed. I have written over 10 articles myself on this topic. And yet, even with all this help, many are disappointed by their inability to keep their resolutions.
- [Giving the Gift of Empathy](https://revmichaelheath.com/giving-the-gift-of-empathy/) - As Christmas fast approaches, some are still struggling with what gifts to give and how much to spend. While presents and festive wrappings are fun to get, there is one priceless gift that lasts a lifetime and doesn't cost a cent: empathy. At a time when tensions are high and conflicts seems to be everywhere, showing understanding and compassion is in great demand. Empathy and Compassion: Building a Stronger Support Community - (b-present.org) Here are some basic tips to help you spread the love of the season and lift the spirits of those you meet with an empathic encounter: As Christmas fast approaches, some are still struggling with what gifts to give and how much to spend. While presents and festive wrappings are fun to get, there is one priceless gift that lasts a lifetime and doesn't cost a cent: empathy. At a time when tensions are high and conflicts seems to be everywhere, showing understanding and compassion is in great demand. Empathy and Compassion: Building a Stronger Support Community - (b-present.org) Here are some basic tips to help you spread the love of the season and lift the spirits of those you meet with an empathic encounter: As Christmas fast approaches, some are still struggling with what gifts to give and how much to spend. While presents and festive wrappings are fun to get, there is one priceless gift that lasts a lifetime and doesn't cost a cent: empathy. At a time when tensions are high and conflicts seems to be everywhere,
- [The Story of Mary & Martha](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-story-of-mary-martha/) - Some people believe that religion and psychology are fundamentally at odds with one another. While there are instances where science contradicts literal interpretations of certain events depicted in the Bible, there are also many stories found in scripture that reveal important psychological truths. https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-around-the-holidays-a-pastoral-counseling-approach/ Indeed, as a pastoral counselor, I find that using stories from
- [Thanksgiving & Stress](https://revmichaelheath.com/thanksgiving-stress/) - Thanksgiving is just around the corner and many families are busy with cooking or travel plans. Although this is a festive time of year, there are those for whom the season is difficult and filled with pain. Sometimes the contrast between the Norman Rockwell painting and a person's reality can be depressing. Indeed, having unrealistically
- [LETTING GO OF SHAME](https://revmichaelheath.com/letting-go-of-shame/) - Shame is one of the most common and destructive of all human emotions. Further, I can say, without reservation or qualification, that shame is a completely useless experience. One of my goals as a therapist is to help eliminate shame whenever I encounter it. Sadly, many folks misunderstand what shame is. Even dictionaries confuse it with guilt Shame Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster. To be clear, guilt is what we feel when we do something that we know is wrong. Guilt refers to feelings of regret over having done something that violates our sense of morality or ethics. Guilt is something that you can do something about to make amends. I disagree with Webster. Shame does not stem from behavior. I believe that the sense of shame that a person feels stems from an underlying lack of self-worth. It is the comprehensive feeling of self-condemnation for who one is. Shame is an irrational, pervasive, and negative sense of self that falsely seems hopeless and unchangeable. Another important thing to know is that shame is learned. People have a natural sense of embarrassment but not shame. Shame is the consequence of abuse, be it physical, emotional or verbal. With these thoughts in mind, I want to focus today on sexual shame: where it comes from, how to get rid of it and how not to shame others. Shame is one of the most common and destructive of all human emotions. Further, I can say, without reservation or qualification, that shame is a completely useless experience. One of my goals as a therapist is to help eliminate shame whenever I encounter it. Sadly, many folks misunderstand what shame is. Even dictionaries confuse it
- [WAR ,MEDIA and KIDS](https://revmichaelheath.com/war-media-and-kids/) - The Hamas attacks on Israel have shocked the world. In response, the media has responded with wall-to-wall coverage of the bloody details. All of this horrifying news has had an negative impact on our emotional health. The graphic descriptions of beheadings and setting innocent civilians on fire go beyond the human capacity to process all of this information normally. As a result, folks are reporting that they feel more anxious and depressed than usual. Part of the problem, apart from the war itself, is the accelerated ways that we receive information. Fifty years ago people learned about the Viet Nam war on the six o'clock news. Today, however, the omni-present media coverage has amplified its impact. The effects on children can be even worse. Graphic stories and images available on smart phones make those far-away threats feel like they are right next door. Further, the problem is only going to get worse. It is clear that the war is just beginning and the news is not likely to get better in the foreseeable future. In light of this development, parents need to be on the lookout for tell-tale signs of trouble, Unusual nightmares, out of character crying and other unexplained frightened behaviors which could be warning signs that the news is traumatizing their children. That said, many parents tell me that they are not sure how to react or what to say to their young ones for whom the war is upsetting. Here are some basic guidelines for helping children deal with disturbing news: (These tips can not only help you to help your children concerning the war but they also can promote better, over-all communication in the family: How to Talk With Your Child About the Israel-Gaza War - HealthyChildren.org )The Hamas attacks and Israel's response have shocked the world. In response, the media has gone with wall-to-wall coverage of the bloody details. Apart from the devastation itself, the accelerated ways that we receive information from the 24/7 media has created a collateral problem. Fifty years ago, people learned about the Viet Nam war on
- [SPIRITUAL ANXIETY](https://revmichaelheath.com/spiritual-anxiety/) - People often ask me about the origins of pastoral counseling. While I have written about what pastoral counseling is Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) , I haven't spent much time explaining its history or its therapeutic foundations. Historically, clergy have always counseled people with their problems but often their guidance was given clinical training or expertise. However in the early 60s, things changed. A group of ministers who were also trained psychotherapy got together to form a professional group of pastoral counselors. They called their organization the American Association of Pastoral Counseling. AAPC's goal was to elevate the quality of pastoral counseling by requiring more clinical training, supervision and personal therapy for therapists. Pastoral counselors offered a holistic approach to psychotherapy which included religious experience. This new perspective integrated the psychological and spiritual dimensions of life and its problems. Not everyone cheered this development. Fundamentalist skeptics condemned professional pastoral counselor for putting psychology ahead of the Bible and of turning to psychotherapy. They viewed science as a threat to traditional religion. Rather than being a threat to faith, pastoral counseling sought to reduce the tension between religion and science. Pastoral counselors understand science and religion as complementary. Rather than conflicting, they function on two different levels of reality: the physical and the metaphysical (spiritual). Although religion and science dwell in different realms, they are not disjointed. Earlier in the 20th century, Christian theologians like Rudolf Bultmann believed that the mythic husk of tradition religious language contained a valuable kernel of truth which needed to revealed to fully understood . Pastoral counseling uses existential psychology to translate/de-mythologize religion's supernatural/pre-scientific language into expression which are more understandable to the modern world. Psychology provides a way to understand ancient religious wisdom in modern terms. The existential theologian, Paul Tillich, identified anxiety as the human experience which bridges both worlds of religion and psychology. In his book ,The Courage to Be, he explains how spiritual anxiety underlies psychological anxiety. Paul Tillich - excerpts from “The Courage to Be” - Religious Naturalism To fully appreciate the significance of Tillich’s insights, it's important to understand how anxieties differ and how to tell them apart: 
- [JIMMY BUFFETT AND FUN](https://revmichaelheath.com/jimmy-buffett-and-fun/) - Like millions of others, I was saddened by the news of Jimmy Buffett’s passing. But I was frustrated by the term used by a number of media outlets to describe the significance of his life and music : escapism. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/02/arts/jimmy-Buffett-dead.html?fbclid=IwAR16ox4eBhTkMHnSUGp_88lndNnGy6KjitCVhJAHMAFGCsThb4wm1gWGOYc Rather than escapism, Buffett understood what many others do not: namely that having fun is important. As a therapist I would say that leisure time is not a luxury ; it is an integral part of balanced life style. Indeed, his life expressed this balance. In addition to being a successful musician and entrepreneur, he always found time for leisure. As he has aid on numerous occasions, “It’s important to have as much fun as possible while we’re here. Frankly, fun is an interesting word which deseerves more respect. Everyone likes ot have fun but fun itself is seen as trivial and the ursuit of which is not respected. Today I want to share some thoughts to address the under-appreciatiion of fun. I suggest, that despite its trivial associations, having fun it a vital part of a healthy life style. Given the high level of stress so many experience, Buffett’s perspective on life is a much-needed counterbalance to America's dominant, hard-work ethic. This stern attitude has permeated the American psyche since our country’s inception. Here are some thoughts to help you bring your work/play division in balance. Like millions of others, I was saddened by the news of Jimmy Buffett’s passing. But I was frustrated by the term used by a number of media outlets to describe the significance of his life and music : escapism. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/02/arts/jimmy-Buffett-dead.html?fbclid=IwAR16ox4eBhTkMHnSUGp_88lndNnGy6KjitCVhJAHMAFGCsThb4wm1gWGOYc Rather than escapism, Buffett understood what many others do not: namely that having fun is
- [Labor Day & Self Care](https://revmichaelheath.com/labor-day-self-care/) - With Labor Day approaching, we mark the end of summer qnd the start of school and the Fall season. Historically, the Labor Day holiday is a tribute to the contributions that the American worker and organized labor unions have made to our country. In addition to its social significance, I want us to recognize the contribution Labor Day has made to America's mental health, i.e. its appreciation of the importance of self-care. APPRECIATING THE DEEPER SIGNIFICANCE OF LABOR DAY: The importance of leisure and self care | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) It must not be forgotten that the American labor movement gave us important self-care structures such as the week-end and the 40 hour work-week. These work-limits, which we now take for granted, were mightily opposed by many and were difficult to attain. Implicitly, these work-rules recognized the necessity for workers to have time off from work and to enjoy leisure and rest . Despite the immense work-place progress which allows for self-care, many still minimize the importance of self-care. So, today I want to take a deep dive into the basics of what real self-care involves. Specifically, having restful sleep, good nutrition, physical activity, adequate leisure, knoiwing effective stress management, having strong social relationships and getting regular medical/psychological wellness exams are vital for us to be at our best. In doing so, we can learn how these 7 elements work together to promote our mental health and happiness.With Labor Day approaching, we mark the end of summer qnd the start of school and the Fall season. Historically, the Labor Day holiday is a tribute to the contributions that the American worker and organized labor unions have made to our country. In addition to its social significance, I want us to recognize the
- [Talking or Arguing.](https://revmichaelheath.com/talking-or-arguing/) - You probably know that communications is a big deal in couples therapy. Although not # 1, numerous surveys have found that, along with money and sex, poor communications is one of the most common reasons that couples seek counseling. Indeed, many partners report that talking to one another is so bad that they have completely given up on even trying to discuss problems. That's because what starts out as a simple conversation often winds up as an unpleasant argument. Today I will show you why you need to 1) Stop using You Statements, 2) Start using You-Statments and 3) Begin using a Marital Journal will help you to dramatically transform your intimate communcateions.You probably know that communications is a big deal in couples therapy. Although not # 1, numerous surveys have found that, along with money and sex, poor communications is one of the most common reasons that couples seek counseling. Indeed, many partners report that talking to one another is so bad that they have completely
- [SEX AS A HOBBY ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/sex-as-a-hobby/) - In trying to keep up with "what's happening now" in the field of sexuality, I came across the phrase "sex-as-a-hobby". Recently, this way of looking at sex has become popular, especially among those who identify as asexual. They find the perspective useful because it understands sex as something that one does and not as a defining characteristic of who one is. Sex As A Hobby: A Transhumanist's Perspective - Philosophy, Politics, and Science - Asexual Visibility and Education Network (asexuality.org) Others, such as sex coach Ruth Ramsay, employ the sex-as-a-hobby approach to de-mystify the highly emotional topic of sexuality. She finds the concept useful to help couples learn to discuss and deal with sex-related problems more rationally. Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila - YouTube At first I laughed at the notion of thinking of sex was like a hobby but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it made sense., Although a hobby might not be the best metaphor, we do need to redefine and change how we think about sex. Here's why:In trying to keep up with "what's happening now" in the field of sexuality, I came across the phrase "sex-as-a-hobby". Recently, this way of looking at sex has become popular, especially among those who identify as asexual. They find the perspective useful because it understands sex as something that one does and not as a
- [Common Porn Myths](https://revmichaelheath.com/common-porn-myths/) - Recently, I have noticed a significant up-tick in the numbers of clients contacting me who erroneously feared that they had a pornography addiction. After a careful examination, it was clear that, while they had been suffering from misinformation, they did not have an addiction. It needs to be understood from the outset that even though "pornography addiction" is a popularly used term, I do not find it a help way to conceptualize the problem nor is it listed in the DSM5 as a disorder. Religious or moralistic discussions often denounce problematic masturbation and porn viewing as immoral or a lack of self-control without understanding of its psychological origins. Although pornography is part of the problem with which these men struggle , it rarely was not the root. Prior childhood trama, religiously induced guilt and shame about sex and marital dischord are common underlying culprits. The last time I wrote on this subject was four years agao. A Reasonable Approach for Discussing Masturbation and Pornography: Part 1 | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) . Given that misunderstanding has not declinced, I wish to debunk some of the most common myths about pornography. A recent article in Slate on-line provides an excellent segue for this discussion. What NoFap does to your brain: Why so many people who abstain from masturbation end up suicidal. (slate.com) Although it's focus is on a particular anti-masturbation effort, NoFap, it provides a goosd summary of the major false notions about pornography. Recently, I have noticed a significant up-tick in the numbers of clients contacting me who erroneously feared that they had a pornography addiction. After a careful examination, it was clear that, while they had been suffering from misinformation, they did not have an addiction. It needs to be understood from the outset that even though. 
- [JOURNALING CONFUSION](https://revmichaelheath.com/journaling-confusion/) - For many years, journaling has been a helpful tool for those dealing with stress and emotional issues. Even our military recognized the benefits of journaling and has incorporated the practice to help deployed soldiers. It is important to appreciate, however, that not all personal writing is the same . In addition to individual journaling, marital journaling is a distinct practice and can be an important way for couples to improve their intimate communication. That said, there are significant differences between individual journaling and marital journaling which need to be understood. Here are some thoughts to help couples who are confused:For many years, journaling has been a helpful tool for those dealing with stress and emotional issues. Even our military recognized the benefits of journaling and has incorporated the practice to help deployed soldiers. It is important to appreciate, however, that not all personal writing is the same . In addition to individual journaling, marital
- [The SG on SM & Kids](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-surgeon-general-on-sm/) - Recently, you may have heard about the U.S. Surgeon General's warning to parents about the possible harm that social media poses for children. Surgeon General: Why Social Media Harms Youth Mental Health | Time Today, I want to summarize and comment on his main concerns. To begin, social media has a positive side. Studies have shown that platforms such as Instagram and Facebook provide children outlets for creative expression as well as for making positive social connections. Social media use can be positive for mental health and well-being | News | Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health That said, the Surgeon General wants parents to know that, at this time, there are no conclusive studies which show that social media is safe or harmless for kids. Further, there are indications that, for some young adults and situations, social media can be harmful to a child's mental health in several ways. Here is a summary of concerns along with some useful tips to help you cope with this omni-present technological reality. Recently, you may have heard about the U.S. Surgeon General's warning to parents about the possible harm that social media poses for children. Surgeon General: Why Social Media Harms Youth Mental Health | Time Today, I want to summarize and comment on his main concerns. To begin, social media has a positive side. Studies have
- [ATTACKS ON GAC EXPLAINED](https://revmichaelheath.com/attacks-on-gac-explained/) - ATTACKS ON GENDER-AFFIRMING CARE EXPLAINED May is mental health awareness month. This year I want to clear up confusion about Gender Affirming Care (GAC) and the wolf-in- sheep’s-clothing scam called Gender Explorative Therapy (GET). The former is legitimate treatment for gender dysphoric yopung folk . The latter is a religiously backed hoax which ignores medical science and is harmful to transgendered non-conforming (TGNC) youth . https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/15/magazine/gender-therapy.html THE PROBLEM Under the misleading banner of protecting children, a number of cosnervative state legislatures have chosen to pass laws which follow religious dogma rather than science. As a result medically necessary treatment is unavailable for gender dysphoric children who live in those states. Even though there is scientific consensus about the harmfulness of the laws, these politicians pander to ignorance and fears concerning inter-sex conditions. https://transhealthproject.org/resources/medical-organization-statements Even worse, as the graphic shows, many more states are considering such legislation. https://abcnews.go.com/US/map-gender-affirming-care-targeted-us/story?id=97443087May is mental health awareness month. This year I want to explain why some states are banning Gender Affirming Care (GAC) and expose the wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing scam called Gender Explorative Therapy (GET). To be clear from the get-go, GAC is a legitimate treatment for gender dysphoric young folk . GET is a religiously backed hoax which ignores
- [ABOUT LEISURE DEFICIENCY](https://revmichaelheath.com/about-leisure-deficiency/) - Recent hospitalization and death statistics related to COVID-19 reveal that the pandemic's medical threat has dramatically declined. Covid in the U.S.: Latest Maps, Case and Death Counts - The New York Times (nytimes.com) That said, other studies show that the pandemic, together with other factors, has had a devastating impact on America's mental health. Rates of anxiety and depression have risen among all age groups and the number of people seeking counseling is sky-rocketing. Experts believe that the cause of this problem is complex and actually pre-dates COVID-19. Such things as the internet and 24/7 on-line and cable news as well as the omni presence of smart phones and social media have over-loaded our ability to process so much distressing information. Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? - The Atlantic In other words, it's not just the alarming content of things like mass shootings or war but the non-stop bombardment of the reports which have created a mental health crisis. Another crucial element exacerbating the problem is America's poor level of self-care and trivialized attitude toward leisure. Studies have shown that our nation's traditional hard-work-no time-for play ethic has interfered with our society's ability to cope with stress. Not giving ourselves sufficient time to recharge has caught many Americans with dead emotional batteries. Despite various attempts to educate the public about the importance of self care, disdain for recreation persists. Evidence of this view is seen in Cadillac's 2014 Super Bowl commercial. In it, a smarmy guy strolls around his pool extoling America's superior work ethic over European's who take so many vacations. His message is that only by working hard can one afford to buy expensive cars. Ironically, studies have shown that people who push too much and recreate too little are less productive. Indeed, self-care is not a luxury or waste of time. Leisure is not only important for personal happiness and resilient mental health, it also is necessary for top performance. In addition to being false, the hard work myth creates a psychological problem. The persistence in traditional attitude has caused many to develop a psychological condition that I would call Leisure Deficiency. Fortunately, leisure deficiency is treatable. Thus, today, I want to discuss 1) How this false belief arose, 2) How to tell if you suffer from leisure deficiency and 3) Why leisure is important and 4) What can be done to incorporate leisure into your regular routine.Recent hospitalization and death statistics related to COVID-19 reveal that the pandemic's medical threat has dramatically declined. Covid in the U.S.: Latest Maps, Case and Death Counts - The New York Times (nytimes.com) That said, other studies show that the pandemic, together with other factors, has had a devastating impact on America's mental health. Rates
- [BEING PRESENT](https://revmichaelheath.com/being-present-2/) - One of the most common problems reported by couples, (not feeling listened to or heard), can, with some practice, be fixed. Learning to pay attention and truly be present with one's partner is crucial for good communication in any relationship. It is especially important in intimate ones. https://www.healthline.com/health/being-present Being present is especially challenging when what a person is expressing is negative, angry, fearful or discouraged feelings. Rather than patiently listening, our natural inclination may be to change the subject, tune out or physically withdraw. That's because listening to intense negative emotion can trigger stressful feelings within us which make it difficult to respond rationally. Men may have an even more difficult time with empathy because of their natural tendency is to solve problems and provide solutions. While that might sound helpful, it often, isn't. Offering premature solutions can be experienced as an interruption which stops the person from completing what they are trying to say. Many communication difficulties stems from a fundamental confusion and oversimplification of why people talk to one another. Sometimes verbal communication is simple and direct. When you go to a bank and ask the teller for twenty dollars, the transaction is concrete. It doesn't matter what either party is feeling as long as the teller correctly does what the customer asked. Most human communications, however, are complex and take place on two levels: the concrete/literal level and the subtext/feeling level. What many couples don't understand is that a connection on the feeling level must be made FIRST before moving to the concrete or literal meaning of the words. Being there emotionally is what empathy and good communication is all about. For example, imagine a wife comes home from an appointment with a new hair dresser and asks her husband , "What do you think ?" Although the sentence sounds like simple question, it isn't. Any man who thinks that it is will have a serious problem on his hands. In fact, the meta-level/emotional level expressed by her facial expressions, body language and voice tone reveals that what she is asking for is not his opinion but reassurance that the new stylist did not butcher her hair. thttps://www.healthline.com/health/being-present In order for the husband to respond in a helpful way, he needs to give her his full attention. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills, assist you in being a better listener and be more fully present in conversationsOne of the most common problems reported by couples, (not feeling listened to or heard), can, with some practice, be fixed. Learning to pay attention and truly be present with one’s partner is crucial for good communication in any relationship. It is especially important in intimate ones. https://www.healthline.com/health/being-present Being present is especially challenging when what
- [Mindfullness Psycotherapy](https://revmichaelheath.com/mindfullness-psycotherapy/) - Recently I was explaining my therapeutic approach to a new client . When I mentioned that one of the goals of therapy was to increase mindfulness, she interrupted and said that she was not "into" yoga! While mindful meditation is a part of the practice of yoga, the importance of mindfulness extends much further. The meaning
- [Intimate Communication](https://revmichaelheath.com/intimate-communication/) - Valentine's Day is all about expressing love and creating romance; but, not for everyone. While these are a high-priority concerns for those who are in new relationships, many folks who have been married for a while have a different experience. Many report that, although getting together sexually was never a problem in the beginning, over time things changed. The addition of kids, busy schedules and familiarity would often interfere with spontaneous exciting rendezvouses. As a result, occasions like Valentine's Day can be awkward and stressful for couples who have not learned how to communicate their intimate desires and carve out time for intimacy. For others, Valentine's Day serves simply to reveal that a couple's sexual routines have gone stale and fallen into a rut. What was once new and exciting can become predictable and ho-hum. One reason for this dilemma is that the fact that many couples take sex for granted and assume that having good sex in marriage just happens naturally. In fact, it does not. Sustaining good sex in marriage takes planning, good communication and novelty. An essential factor for good sexual communication is clear sexual messaging. Sadly, many couples are uncomfortable revealing their desires. Likewise, little attention has been paid to help couples overcome obstacles such as embarrassment which inhibit talking freely and honestly about sex. Today I want to offer some suggestions to help couples improve their intimate communication and create fresh and comfortable sexual signals.Valentine's Day is all about expressing love and creating romance; but, not for everyone. While these are a high-priority concerns for those who are in new relationships, many folks who have been married for a while have a different experience. Many report that, although getting together sexually was never a problem in the beginning, over
- [Why Romance Matters](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-romance-matters/) - As Valentine's Day approaches, the media will flood us with all sorts of romantic hype and I'm glad. Frankly, many couples, who have been together for a while, suffer from a romance deficit. So today I want to talk about why romance is so important and essential for lasting and satisfying intimate relationships. Unfortunately, even though marital therapists realize the importance of romance, many couples don't. When asked, however, most partners say that they would like more of it in their relationship. Sadly, many suffer from erroneous beliefs about romance. For example, many falsely believe that, once the romantic spark is gone, it's gone for good with no way to get it back. The good news is that there are plenty of ways to rekindle romantic feelings and restore passionate excitement to your marriage. Given all of the misinformation surrounding romance and desire, here are the facts as well as some tips for increasing it in your relationship :As Valentine's Day approaches, the media will flood us with all sorts of romantic hype and I'm glad. Frankly, many couples, who have been together for a while, suffer from a romance deficit. So today I want to talk about why romance is so important and essential for lasting and satisfying intimate relationships. Unfortunately, even
- [Santos and the Truth](https://revmichaelheath.com/santos-and-the-truth/) - The long list of George Santos' resume lies seems unending. They are an ongoing fountain of material for comedians and meme creators as well as being a huge source of amusement for Democrats. Beyond its entertainment value, however, the George Santos debacle raises questions about the psychology of one who seems almost incapable of telling the truth. What causes one to compulsively lie ? While this is a complicated question that can’t be answered here, let's clear up some of the confusion which exists about the phenomenon of lying in general:The long list of George Santos' resume lies seems unending. They are an ongoing fountain of material for comedians and meme creators as well as being a huge source of amusement for Democrats. Beyond its entertainment value, however, the George Santos debacle raises questions about the psychology of one who seems almost incapable of telling
- [Goal 2023: Self-Care](https://revmichaelheath.com/goal-2023-self-care/) - Happy New Year ! For millions, the start of a new year is the time for making resolutions, i.e. things that folks resolve to do to improve their lives. Losing weight, exercising more and stopping smoking perennially top the most mentioned goals. BABY STEPS : An Effective Way to Approach Your New Year’s Resolutions. — | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) While all worthy endeavors, this year, I suggest that your efforts be about improving your mental health by focusing on self-care/mindfulness. Indeed, recent studies reveal that, due to the stress of COVID, political tension and other uncertainties, our mental health has declined. One major reason for this decline is Americans' poor level of self-care. Fortunately, there is a lot which can be done to improve it. The key to improving self-care is to appreciate its importance and to make it a priority. Unfortunately, wellness-mindfulness is sometimes misunderstood. It's often seen as just another resolution that one knows that they should do but really don't want to do. Resistance to self-care is often due the fact that it is externally imposed, e.g., a doctor's recommendation to lose weight. Pursuing healthy mindfulness often feels like having to endure deprivation of something you like or engaging in an unpleasant activity, e.g. giving up favorite foods or engaging in painful or boring activities. A better way of looking at self-care is to view it as a commitment to one's well-being. It's the practice of "taking an active role in protecting one's own physical and emotional well-being and happiness, particularly during periods of stress " "What is self-care? | Global Self-Care Federation (selfcarefederation.org) When seen this way, being good to yourself avoids the resistance and resentment of an externally imposed demand. Self-care becomes a freely made choice to ay attention to things that promote our health and make our lives easier. Here are some commonly asked questions to help you get started improving your self-care: What does self-care involve? What keeps us from taking better care of ourselves? 3) What can help you to improve your self-care? Happy New Year ! For millions, the start of a new year is the time for making resolutions, i.e. things that folks resolve to do to improve their lives. Losing weight, exercising more and stopping smoking perennially top the most mentioned goals. BABY STEPS : An Effective Way to Approach Your New Year’s Resolutions. — Happy New Year ! For millions, the start of a new year is the time for making resolutions, i.e. things that folks resolve to do to improve their lives. Losing weight, exercising more and stopping smoking perennially top the most mentioned goals. BABY STEPS : An Effective Way to Approach Your New Year’s Resolutions. —
- [Inaccurate Self-Esteem](https://revmichaelheath.com/inaccurate-self-esteem/) - The problem of low self-esteem ( LSE) has been around for many years. In fact, LSE has almost become a psychological cliche which in some ways is misunderstood. Nonetheless, having a poor self-image can cause a number of emotional and relational problems. Loneliness and the Human Need for Connection | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com)
- [Christianity, Sex & Shame](https://revmichaelheath.com/christianity-sex-shame/) - #post_contentRecently, I wrote about the problem of false guilt and shame which can interfere with a person's ability to think clearly and relate rationally to others. False Guilt and Shame | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Today I want to talk about shame and guilt about sex and the major source of these destructive feelings, i.e. traditional religious teachings about sex and pleasure. Over the centuries, traditional Roman Catholic and Protestant doctrines have caused of a lot of needless stress. And, as hard as it is to believe, they continue to be a source of pain for many. From a psychological point of view, traditional Christian beliefs viewed normal sexual feelings to be in conflict with God's law and, therefore, sinful. Thus, lacking positive teachings about sex, natural desires evoked feelings of sinfulness and even self-hatred. Those who suffer with this conflict need to know that this antipathy was not always the case. It is important to understand the evolution of Christian thought and how the delights of sex found in Song of Solomon were squelched and replaced with negative views. While complex, two major developments are largely responsible for this change: 1) apocalyptic expectations. and 2) The disappointment of those expectations experienced by the delay of the Jesus' 2nd coming (the Parousia). Let me explain,
- [The Internet and Addiction](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-internet-and-addiction/) - #post_contentI recently wrote about how the advent of internet pornography had made raising children much more difficult for parents. ON PORN AND PARENTING | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Today, I want to discuss how frequent internet activity triggers dopamine release in the brain and may lead to addiction. Specifically, I will explain how excessive time on a smart-phone use can hook its unsuspecting users . Although addiction is an age-old problem, smart-phone technology presents a new risk . Research has confirmed the problem that parents and unhappy spouses have struggled with for years: How to get members of their family to put their phones down? To better grasp the risk that smart phones pose for addiction we need to understand 1) Some basic neuro-chemistry. Particularly how dopamine creates addictive behaviors. 2) How folks can become addicted to their smart phones. 3) How to tell if someone is addicted to their phone. and 4) Successful treatment strategies for smart-phone addiction.
- [ON PORN AND PARENTING](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-porn-and-parenting/) - Few would disagree that omnipresent internet pornography harms children and poses a difficult challenge for parents. That said, many who oppose it don't understand the real damage that it does. Worse, many of the common approaches exacerbate the problem or interfere with open communication . Although internet porn has been around for over twenty-five years, we are now just beginning to understand how it impacts a child's social and psychological development. To be clear, internet porn is more difficult to deal with than pornography from an earlier era. The Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents: A Review of the Research: Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity: Vol 19, No 1-2 (tandfonline.com) In response, I want to examine the problem and provide some help for parents. Specifically, I want to: -- Explain why internet pornography is different from earlier X-rated materials. -- Dispel some common myths about pornography. -- Clarify how internet pornography is harmful for young children and teens. -- Debunk popular approaches to dealing with porn which do not work. and -- Offer a rational approach for teaching children about porn on the internet.
- [Before Seeing a Therapist](https://revmichaelheath.com/before-seeing-a-therapist/) - #post content Recently, I received a questionnaire from my new doctor in advance of my annual wellness exam and this got me to thinking: Why not do the same for my new clients ? In the past I've written a number of articles which try to explain what counseling is. Becoming Reasonable: Updating our Notions of Mental Health and Counseling. (revmichaelheath.com) Likewise, there are many books and articles which explain what to expect from counseling but not a lot which help you to mentally prepare for your first session. --What to Expect from Therapy | JED (jedfoundation.org) Many wonder if it is okay to just show up? Although many folks do come in for their first session unrehearsed, I have found, over the years, that it's helpful for a client to take a little time before the first appointment and ask themselves some basic questions about what it is that is bothering them. So, today's segment is just that, some things for folks to consider who have never gone to counseling before and who are a little uncertain about how to proceed. After all, it is intimidating to sit down with a complete stranger and talk about personal and even embarrassing problems. How does one begin ? Reflecting on what's bothering you not only helps to calm the jitters but it also can provide an important context from which the issue emerged. This wider perspective is necessary for the counselor to accurately assess and treat what is of concern to you. Here are some questions to ask yourself which can help you clarify / communicate your experience to your counselor and help you get started:
- [Religious Talk in Therapy](https://revmichaelheath.com/religious-talk-in-therapy/) - There was a very interesting article in the Washington Post, recently, about how more and more therapists were opening their counseling approach to include religious beliefs and concerns. More psychotherapists are incorporating religion into their practices - The Washington Post As a pastoral counselor, I wish to applaud this development and make some observations that I have learned over the past forty-five years of practice. Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) First off, it is important acknowledge and to understand why religious language has been a problem for some therapists in the past. Even though cultural sensitivity and inclusiveness has increased toward race, gender and sexuality, spirituality, however, has been neglected.
- [WHY DO MEN CHEAT ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-do-men-cheat/) - Why do men cheat ? I suppose, to be fair, that one should ask why do people cheat. That said, statistics show that, after the age of 25, men do tend to be more unfaithful to their spouses than women. And, as we age, the disparity increases. After age 60, the percentage of women's extra-marital Why do men cheat ? I suppose, to be fair, that one should ask why do people cheat. That said, statistics show that, after the age of 25, men do tend to be more unfaithful to their spouses than women. And, as we age, the disparity increases. After age 60, the percentage of women's extra-marital Why do men cheat ? I suppose, to be fair, that one should ask why do people cheat. That said, statistics show that, after the age of 25, men do tend to be more unfaithful to their spouses than women. And, as we age, the disparity increases. After age 60, the percentage of women's extra-marital
- [False Guilt and Shame](https://revmichaelheath.com/false-guilt-and-shame/) - P sychologists write a lot about guilt and shame. Shame vs. Guilt - Brené Brown (brenebrown.com) False guilt and trauma induced shame are two of the most emotionally destructive experiences felt by clients and challenging for therapists to treat. Despite their notoriety, folks often confuse their meaning. Guilt-Tripping and Emotional Manipulation | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) For example, it is common for people to use the terms interchangeably. In fact, their meanings are quite different. Today, we'll highlight the differences between guilt and shame and suggest ways to deal with and reduce their impact. Guilt: Real and FalsePsychologists write a lot about guilt and shame. Shame vs. Guilt - Brené Brown (brenebrown.com) False guilt and trauma induced shame are two of the most emotionally destructive experiences felt by clients and challenging for therapists to treat. Despite their notoriety, folks often confuse their meaning. For example, it is common for people to use
- [Guilt-Tripping and Emotional Manipulation](https://revmichaelheath.com/guilt-tripping-and-emotional-manipulation-no-one-likes-to-be-guilt-tripped-yet-it-happens-all/) - No one likes to be guilt-tripped, yet it happens all the time. Parents do it. Kids do it. Spouses do it. Friends do it. We do it so often we aren't even aware of it. on the other hand, no none likes to feel emotionally extorted. Today we are going to learn more about this
- [WHAT IS LOVE ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/what-is-love/) - Has there ever been a word more written about than love ? Everyone seeks it. Most folks think they know what it is. But, ironically, couples often worry about if they are loved or if they are able to love . Over the centuries, no one has improved on what St. Paul had to say Has there ever been a word more written about than love ? Everyone seeks it. Most folks think they know what it is. But, ironically, couples often worry about if they are loved or if they are able to love . Over the centuries, no one has improved on what St. Paul had to say about love in I Corinthians 13.4-7 (rsv) : " Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." St. Paul is clear about what love (agape) is in relation to a friend or neighbor. However, when love is understood in the context of marriage, it is a little more complicated. The intimacy of a committed adult relationship adds the elements of sexual passion and desire. Navigating and balancing concerns for one's beloved and for oneself own can be challenging and confusing. Is It Love or Chemistry? Tips for knowing when real love comes along. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) To make matters even worse for couples , many of the romantic myths, found in popular literature and media, have created unrealistic expectations about relationships which distort many folks' understanding of love. Here is an approach that can help us to sort it all out.
- [Stigma and Depression](https://revmichaelheath.com/stigma-and-depression/) - There is good news for those who worry about the stigma associated with mental health. The amount of stigma surrounding counseling is much less than it used to be. When I first started counseling in the late 70s, some men would not schedule appointments during daylight hours for fear of being seen going to a counselor's office. Although attitudes have improved, many people still view getting help with emotional problems as embarrassing or even shameful. In large part, this discomfort is due to certain lingering myths about mental health. Common myths created misunderstandings about psychological disorders and their treatment. Here are some common notions which are misleading and or false:
- [988 IS NOW OPEN !](https://revmichaelheath.com/988-opens-today/) - Have you heard about 988 ? This national service begins today (July 16th 2022) ! In the wake of so many unsettling events, the need for increased mental health services has never been greater. To this end, access to the national mental health hot-line has been simplified to a new 988 number,Have you heard about 988 ? This national service began recently on Saturday, July 16th 2022 ! In the wake of so many unsettling events, the need for increased mental health services has never been greater. To this end, access to the national mental health hot-line has been simplified to a new 988 number, Previously, while
- [What ? Sex Toys ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/what-sex-toys/) - Sex toys ? Why would a pastoral counselor want to talk about sex toys ? Perhaps providing some context would help. Being Sex Positive An important theme throughout my career has been to allay the false guilt and shame engendered by religion and our sexist culture. My goal has been, and continues to be, to Sex toys ? Why would a pastoral counselor want to talk about sex toys ? Perhaps providing some context would help. Being Sex Positive An important theme throughout my career has been to allay the false guilt and shame engendered by religion and our sexist culture. My goal has been, and continues to be, to promote positive attitudes about sex. That is, as young folks say, to be sex-positive. Religious and Cultural Bias First, it needs to be understood that being sex-positive flies in the face of thousands of years of religious and cultural bias. To be sex-positive, one must feel free to have sex just for its pleasure. While this view may seem obvious, for many, it's not. For many, especially older folks, enjoying sex is complicated. A cloud hangs over the notion that sex can be enjoyed just for fun. Hedonistic enjoyment is suspect and guilt ridden. That's because religion has often portrayed sex in a quasi-sacred way that confusingly combines erotic experience with the spiritual mystery of procreation. Indeed, traditional religious beliefs have negatively influenced our culture's attitudes toward sex. Condemning normal practices like masturbation as sinful has created unnecessary guilt and shame for older generations. masturbation | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Pernicious Myths Ignore Single People and Older Adults The indisputable fact is that conservative Christianity is and always has been uncomfortable with sex. (See St. Augustine) It sees it primarily as the means for procreation. (See Thomas Acquinas) In doing so it refuses to acknowledge the legitimacy of sex simply for pleasure or outside of the bonds of marriage. As a result, the church's outlook toward sex ignores and fails all single folks and seniors who are beyond child-bearing years. Further, through its silence, the church implicitly promotes false notions about sex and aging. For example: we are led to believe that sexual interest wanes with age and becomes less and less important the older you get. In fact, barring serious medical limitations, interest and enjoyment of sex is a lifelong entitlement which actually can increase over the years. That said, aging does change certain things about the way folks can have sex. The loss of flexibility or increased discomfort may require that some things be done differently. Unfortunately, this general discomfort with sex prevents many couples from even talking about sex much less exploring new, more adaptive and exciting sexual possibilities. What about Sex Toys ? All of this brings us to sex toys and a recent article in Slate online.
- [Marital Mindfulness](https://revmichaelheath.com/marital-mindfulness/) - You may know that the term mindfulness is very popular among psychologists, therapists and the self-help crowd. However, you may not have realized that marital mindfulness is important for improving intimate relations. Certainly, the institutions of marriage and family have undergone dramatic changes over the past decades. And it is true that the divorce
- [PARENTS BEWARE: SEXTORTION](https://revmichaelheath.com/parents-beware-sextortion/) - The horror of the Uvalde massacre has shocked our nation and left us shaking our heads in disbelief. Sadly, the news is filled with many other disturbing stories like Ukraine and inflation not to mention the endless threat of COVID. Because of the sheer volume of news, other important but smaller stories can go unnoticed.
- [Being Present](https://revmichaelheath.com/being-present/) - the basic goal of psychotherapy has remained the same: To help people live more rationally in the present. While it sounds obvious , many people have a hard time being present. So, let's look at some of the common obstacles to living in the now.
- [BAD IDEAS ABOUT GOOD SEX](https://revmichaelheath.com/bad-ideas-about-good-sex/) - It's no surprise that most people want to have "good sex". Unfortunately, many people report that they are not having it. Over the years, I have found that, even among highly educated folks, much is lacking with respect to their understanding of sex and intimacy. 10 Myths About Sex That Many Adults Still Believe | HuffPost Life Indeed, our culture is saturated with misinformation and myths which have created unrealistic notions and expectations of what good sex is or what is needed to have it. Intimate Communication: Tips for Talking to your Partner about Sex | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Indeed, unrealistic expectations about sex are the biggest obstacle to erotic bliss. Therefore, let's look at some of the bad ideas about good sex and debunk them with facts and accurate information: 
- [Pastoral Counseling ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/pastoral-counseling/) - Recently I was asked to do an interview to explain what pastoral counseling is. I was glad to talk to the reporter because, over the years, I have found that many people are confused by the term. Of course, folks know what the words pastoral and counseling mean. The problem is that, when taken together to designate a therapeutic approach, the meaning isn't clear. For example, ministers, rabbis and imam's provide religious counsel for their followers. Also, non-psychologically based efforts such Christian or Bible-based counseling offer services for a fee. Perhaps the lack of understanding stems from the fact that, when compared in size with other counseling professions like social work or psychologists, the number of pastoral counselors is relatively small. Nonetheless, I believe that pastoral counseling brings an important perspective to psychotherapy which is particularly relevant in today's over-stressed world. Therefore, to really understand what pastoral counseling is, two myths about it must be debunked, i.e. that it is directive/judgmental and that it is only for "religious" clients. Knowing what pastoral counseling is not , we can better appreciate what it is. Specifically, pastoral counseling has two unique and distinguishing characteristics:1) its integrative world view and 2) its training requirements.Recently I was asked to do an interview to explain what pastoral counseling is. I was glad to talk to the reporter because, over the years, I have found that many people are confused by the term. Of course, folks know what the words pastoral and counseling mean. The problem is that, when taken together
- [On Feeling Overwhelmed](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-feeling-overwhelmed/) - Given the Ukranian situation, skyrocketing gas prices and COVID, many folks are feeling overwhelmed. If you are one of those folks, it is important to understand that there is nothing is wrong with you for feeling over-stressed. Of course, feeling over-stressed is nothing new. Indeed, human beings have always had emotional limits. Fortunately, there are many resources available online to help you cope. To help you sort through them all, here is a summary of what you need to know about feeling overwhelmed and what to do about it:
- [On Leisure & Mental Health](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-leisure-mental-health/) - I try to practice what I preach. And so, as I am currently on vacation, today's segment is on the importance of leisure for mental health. Indeed, leisure activity does not command the respect that it deserves. Unfortunately, for too many people, leisure's health benefits are neither appreciated nor understood. Too many think of vacationingI try to practice what I preach. And so, as I am currently on vacation, today's segment is on the importance of leisure for mental health. Indeed, leisure activity does not command the respect that it deserves. Unfortunately, for too many people, leisure's health benefits are neither appreciated nor understood. Too many think of vacationing | # I try to practice what I preach. And so, as I am currently on vacation, today's segment is on the importance of leisure for mental health. Indeed, leisure activity does not command the respect that it deserves. Unfortunately, for too many people, leisure's health benefits are neither appreciated nor understood. Too many think of vacationing time as an unnecessary luxury or, worse, as wasting time. Think leisure is a waste? That may not bode well for your mental health -- ScienceDaily Today I want to debunk some of the myths concerning leisure and explain why leisure activity, is so essential for brain health and emotional well-being.
- [On Romantic Love](https://revmichaelheath.com/on-romantic-love/) - Valentine's Day is a celebration of love and romance. Today we are going to debunk some common myths and, instead, provide some suggestions to keep love alive.
- [Vulnerability and Romance](https://revmichaelheath.com/vulnerability-and-romance/) - With Valentiane's Day fast approaching, people's minds turn to love and romance. As a marriage counselor, I am struck by number of couples who would like their relationship to be more romantic. Fortunately, there are many how-to books and blogs designed to help folks increase the romance in their marriages. (5 Ways to Rekindle Romance
- [Grieving's 6th Step](https://revmichaelheath.com/grievings-6th-step/) - I've noticed that, as we start the new year in the midst of COVID, many folks are struggling with loss and grieving. For some, the loss involves the death of family members or loved ones. For others, it has meant the loss of financial security. And, for others, COVID has meant the frustrations encountered in the loss of normalcy. For many, the words grief and grieving are synonymous with the name Kubler-Ross and the five stages of grief. Five Stages Of Grief - Understanding the Kubler-Ross Model (psycom.net) What you might not be aware of are the important developments in grief research which have taken place over the past 40 years since Kluber-Ross's publication. This research has significantly advanced our understanding of the grieving process and revealed that there is yet another stage of the recovery process. One important discovery explains how the grieving process ends. Rather than finishing with the 5th stage of acceptance, research has shown that folks who have reported successfully recovering from serious loss have reported finding a new purpose in their life which has given rise to hope and joy about the future.
- [PLAN B for Lower Stress](https://revmichaelheath.com/plan-b-for-lower-stress/) - As we begin 2022, many turn their thoughts making new year's resolutions. Helpful tips for making resolutions can be found everywhere, in special news reports, internet blogs and in the self-help section of bookstores. 7 Proven Steps to Set Achievable Resolutions – Life Leaders Institute Indeed, over the years, I have also offered advice to help folks stick to their resolutions. Getting Real about New Year's Resolutions: Some things to think about before making one. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Today, however, due to COVID and other stressors, which have made 2021 so difficult and anxiety filled, I want to talk about a stress management/anxiety-lowering approach called Plan B. Feeling anxious is sometimes unavoidable. There is some stress which can't be avoided because some aspects of life are out of our control, However, even when things happen which are out of your control, it is possible, with some practice , to reduce our level of anxiety. Expectations, for example, are something that we can control and adjust with a little reflection. When traveling unexpected problems like cancelled flights or rooms not being ready can cause emotional distress, if one, unrealistically, expects that things will go perfectly without a hitch. Understanding how our brain reacts to surprises and having a Plan "B" to turn to when frustrations occur can dramatically lower our experience of anxiety. Here's how it works:
- [The Holiday Blues](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-holiday-blues/) - Let's face it, for many folks, the holidays can be difficult. Given the media pressure to be happy, it is tough to be blue during the holidays. Amid the hustle and bustle of Hanukkah and Christmas hype there are many folks for whom the season is not joyous or bright. Adding to the normal strain, is the latest surge of COVID-19 and the new Omicron variant. Although many of us look forward to Christmas as a time for gifts and to celebrate family and friends, there are many others for whom the occasion is difficult and even painful. Death , divorce, financial troubles , loneliness , depression and failing health are but a few of the reasons which keep many folks from experiencing the full joy of the holiday. While we can’t always make things all better when we encounter someone who is blue, being aware of his or her plight can help us to be more sensitive and compassionate in our interactions with them. It is important to remember that what folks who are blue really need during this painful time is empathy and understanding. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills and to show more kindness and sensitivity to those you meet during this holiday season :
- [Self-Care and Protecting Marital Boundaries](https://revmichaelheath.com/self-care-and-protecting-marital-boundaries/) - Recently, the news has been filled by reports of sexual-boundary violations committed by politicians and other celebrities. Having just participated in a continuing education seminar on maintaining professional boundaries How To Set Healthy Boundaries — A Compassionate Guide for Women | by Julia Horvath | Better Humans, it is clear that a major factor inHeath
- [REDUCING TURKEY-DAY STRESS](https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-turkey-day-stress/) - Although we like to think that getting together for Thanksgiving is as wonderful at this Norman Rockwell painting, most of us know that it is not. Unfortunately, for many folks, these events can be quite stressful. Longstanding interpersonal conflicts and struggles over old grudges, politics or religion can spoil even the most perfectly planned events.
- [FAITHFUL IS NOT ENOUGH](https://revmichaelheath.com/faithful-is-not-enough/) - #Fidelity is the cornerstone of a happy and enduring marriage. Nonetheless, since so many marriages are plagued with infidelity, knowing how to survive a breach and regain trust is a vital skill. Sadly, many couples are without a clue. Many who have strayed are surprised to learn that, after an affair, being faithful is not enough to fix the relationship. Ironically, folks who come for treatment, who had stopped cheating, often express frustration and discouragement. They admit that they simply don't know what else to do besides not cheating to win back their spouse. Here is what they learned: Besides fidelity, there are three keys to rebuilding trust after an affair:1) Empathy, 2) Mindfulness and 3) Honesty. Let's look at each more closely: 
- [The Paradox of Fear](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-paradox-of-fear/) - This year, as Halloween is getting back to normal, instead of being consumed by our fears of COVID-19, we can step back, reflect and think about our fascination with scary things. Of particular interest is the paradox between our enjoyment of being scared by unreal threats, on the one hand, and our avoidance and denial
- [Domestic Violence Month](https://revmichaelheath.com/domestic-violence-month/) - October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. So, lets talk about some things that every one should know about it: What it is? How common is it ? How to spot it. What to do about it. How to prevent it. WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE? Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual
- [A New-Romance Checklist](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-new-romance-checklist/) - As more and more people are receiving COVID vaccinations, folks who have held back from dating due to the pandemic are beginning to loosen up and get out and about. Whether complicated by the pandemic or not, getting to know a new person romantically can be anxiety producing. Most people can spot a bad date As more and more people are receiving COVID vaccinations, folks who have held back from dating due to the pandemic are beginning to loosen up and get out and about. Whether complicated by the pandemic or not, getting to know a new person romantically can be anxiety producing. Most people can spot a bad date and not repeat. But, after a few good dates, folks wonder and worry if the person who seems so nice, initially, will turn out to be as good as they first appeared. Indeed, there is a need for a new-romance checklist to help couples know if a new relationships can last. Conceptually, knowing if a new relationship is workable is not complicated. Good relationships develop when both individuals have matured enough to get beyond individual selfishness and are able to commit to becoming a partnership. When looked at from this perspective it is possible to list fundamental skills and abilities which are necessary to sustain a satisfying relationship and reveal the needed level of maturity. Here is a check-list of behaviors to look for when your are out on a date. You can use this list to evaluate whether it is likely that your new relationship has a future. No relationship is perfect or checks all of the boxes but the good must out weigh the bad. For those who have decided that they want to be together, the list can help identify problem areas which will need to be addressed if the fledgling relationship is to thrive. Here is a partial check-list of essential characteristics to look for in your new romance :
- [Instagram Selfie Filters](https://revmichaelheath.com/instagram-selfie-filters/) - I know that it is tough to keep up with all of the changes in technology but, there is one in social media that all parents should know about. It is called INSTAGRAM SELFIE FILTERS. How to Add Instagram Filters to Existing Photos - Followchain Photo filters have been around for some time . (You know a feature which will put a deer's nose or elfin ears on on your face.) What has put Instagram in the news, however, is their image enhancement filter . New research reveals that using selfie-filters is emotionally harmful (toxic) for teenagers. Sadly, these reports were hidden from the public by Facebook for years. Now that they have been revealed, here is what you need to know. Specifically, the alert is being sounded for parents due to the negative psychological impact that some of Instagram's body and facial altering filters have on teens,. i.e. use lowers self-steam and dramatically increases anxiety and depression. As seen in the pictures below*, the effect of the filters are restrained. They digitally add make-up, slim facial structure and subtly alter the overall image. Instagram Toxic for Teen Girls, Research Suggests – NBC Bay Area The subtlety of the changes are the problem . The person who uses them is still recognizable but looks "better." The damaging message that these visual changes give to the young people who use the filters is that: Your image needs enhancement or, inversely, the way you look, naturally, is not okay. This message plays upon the vulnerability of young folks who fear that they are not attractive enough to compete with the social competition and will wind up being alone. Loneliness and the Human Need for Connection | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) Another factor which makes dealing with this issue so difficult is our culture's emphasis on looks. The way media creates unrealistic expectations especially for women and heightens self-doubt about their appearance. In other words, features like enhancement filters undermines a teen's acceptance of their natural appearance and encourages them to change {"improve") it . That said, here are seven tips for parents to help their teens cope with this difficult issue :
- [SEXUAL TRAUMA and RECOVERY](https://revmichaelheath.com/sexual-trauma-and-recovery/) - Something significant is happening amidst the chaos of the current COVID situation. People are becoming interested in the psychology of trauma, As I write this segment, a modern classic in trauma theory, The Body Keeps the Score, sits atop the New York Times best seller list. Opinion | This Conversation Will Change How You Think
- [COVID, Science and Anger](https://revmichaelheath.com/covid-science-and-anger/) - As COVID-19 surges, the number of angry people and violent incidents increases daily and is growing at an alarming rate. There are many reasons why : Some people are frustrated because they have suffered economically due to the pandemic. Others resent mandated restrictions or oppose vaccinations. Still others are angry because wide spread vaccination-hesitancy hasAs COVID-19 surges, the number of angry people and violent incidents increases daily and is growing at an alarming rate. There are many reasons why : Some people are frustrated because they have suffered economically due to the pandemic. Others resent mandated restrictions or oppose vaccinations. Still others are angry because wide spread vaccination-hesitancy has
- [Some Important Facts about Tele-Therapy.](https://revmichaelheath.com/some-facts-about-tele-therapy/) - It's time to clear up some misunderstandings and provide some important facts about tele-therapy. For those who are exhausted by the social restrictions imposed by COVID-19 and who are seeking counseling, it is understandable that they would want to see a counselor face-to-face. Others have questions about tele-therapy and are reluctant to give it a try. Unfortunately, because of safety issues concerning COVID-19, finding a therapist who does in-the-office visits may be difficult at this time. As such, I would like to clear the air and address some of these worries and misconceptions as well as to provide some important facts about tele-therapy. Here are some common concerns, advantages and limitations of remote counseling.
- [The Quiet Crisis : Adult children. aging parents](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-quiet-crisis-adult-children-aging-parents/) - There is a quiet crisis spreading across our land which is not gaining much media attention: Adult children caring for aging parents. We know that changes in technology create changes in society that, in turn shake, things up socially. The problem is that it is difficult to recognize some of the emerging changes while they
- [Breaking out of the Sexual Doldrums](https://revmichaelheath.com/breaking-out-of-the-sexual-doldrums/) - Don't let this happen to you. Because of the added stress of COVID-19 , many couples report that they are having less sex than usual and feel like they are sailing in the sexual doldrums. (see photo) So, today I want to share some tips for couples who want to break out of their sexual
- [Husbands not wanting sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/husbands-not-wanting-sex/) - It's almost Father's Day but, in addition to dads, men are also husbands. And since there isn't a "husbands" day ... there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed that does not receive enough attention, viz., men's lack of sexual desire for their wives . Although many believe that men are more interested
- [Rebuilding Trust After an Affair: How to Maintain Empathy Under Fire.](https://revmichaelheath.com/rebuilding-trust-after-an-affair-how-to-maintain-empathy-under-fire/) - This segment seeks to help couples who struggle with trust after an affair. It especially offers guidance for the offending partner. Specifically, the solution rests on the offending spouse's ability to listen, accept and understand his/her partner's anger. Indeed, defensiveness by the betraying spouse toward his partner's pain is often a major obstacle which blocks the offended spouse from regaining trust. Here are some observations which can help explain why rebuilding trust is so difficult as well as some tips for how it can be done.
- [THREE KEYS TO EFFECTIVE PERSONAL JOURNALING.](https://revmichaelheath.com/three-keys-to-effective-personal-journaling/) - Personal journaling has been a big deal in counseling circles for a long time. So, what's the big deal with journaling ? Why putting feelings in to words is so important. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) It is a mainstay for most stress management strategies. Even the military, after researching its clinical effectiveness, decided to use it to help soldiers who are stressed or suffering from PTSD. Without getting too deep into the neurological weeds, personal journaling helps us to wring the painful and irrational elements out of our experience so that we might be better able to rationally asses and address our emotional wounds. Ironically, although journaling is talked about a lot, for many there is much confusion and hesitancy about how to actually do it. Here are three questions which are commonly asked to help you have a helpful personal journaling experience:
- [When Mother's Day Is Not a Joyous Occasion.](https://revmichaelheath.com/when-mothers-day-is-not-a-joyous-occasion/) - For those who have or who have had good mothers, Mother's Day is a wonderful time . Thus, it is not necessary to gild the lily by singing the praises of motherhood. That said, for those who have recently lost their moms or for those who associate absence, neglect or other kinds of emotional trauma|
- [Becoming Reasonable: Updating our Notions of Mental Health and Counseling.](https://revmichaelheath.com/becoming-reasonable-updating-our-notions-of-mental-health-and-counseling/) - Despite all of the progress psychology and medical science has made, there are many who still hold an outdated and misleading view of psychological disorders and their treatment. Common Misconceptions About Psychotherapy (verywellmind.com) To be clear from the get go: 1) Most of the people who have mental health issues are normal people. Their problems are generally caused by past trauma or by current stress or a combination of both. 2) Most counseling is a process by which clients can expand their awareness of how their past experiences and present have combined to create perceptional distortions and irrational emotional and behavioral reactions . The impact of this expanded awareness enables individuals to perceive life more accurately and respond to it in a more congruent way. The lack of public understanding is problematic because it perpetuates stigma, confusion, unnecessary fears and avoidance of seeking help. Let me update and expand on two of the most common mental health myths.
- [BREAKING THE ICE: 7 Tips to Improve Sexual Communication.](https://revmichaelheath.com/breaking-the-ice-how-to-deepen-marital-intimacy-through-better-sexual-communication/) - Sexual communication, is an important part of marriage but is difficult for many. Here are seven tips to help you improve communication in your relationship.
- [Easter as Psychological Metaphor: The Resurrection of Hope and Meaning.](https://revmichaelheath.com/easter-as-psychological-metaphor-the-resurrection-of-hope-and-meaning/) - Easter is almost here but, to be honest and especially under COVID restrictions, it is not what it used to be. Even so, it still important even though this holiday means different things to different people. For some, Easter is a celebration of the coming of Spring. For others, it is a playful time for children and their colored eggs and chocolate bunnies. For Christians, it remains a time of spiritual renewal and remembering the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Still for many, Easter has lost much of its spiritual meaning. Indeed, there is no denying that America is becoming less and less religious. A recent Gallup poll found that, for the first time since it has been keeping data, fewer than 50% of Americans attend Church. For many , the narrative of Jesus literally rising from the dead is an insurmountable obstacle. Does this cultural shift and institutional decline mean that we have lost our ability to experience important spiritual dimensions of life ? I don't think so . I believe that form many the conceptual framework for experiencing spiritual matters has changed from supernatural representations to psychological ones . To the point, is it not necessary to suspend your belief in science to experience the full joy of Easter ? Likewise when holy scripture is interpreted metaphorically rather than literally or as a historical account, the full spiritual significance still shines through. Easter may be understood as a spiritual/psychological metaphor which conveys, symbolically, the fundamental affirmation of faith. Apart from the improbable literalism, the Easter story expresses a profound psychological journey which passes through the devastating experience of loss to the joyous discovery of new life and meaning . That said, I want explain how it is possible to celebrate Easter apart from either supernatural or nature-based interpretations, i.e. how to appreciate Easter without myth.
- [The Atlanta Shooter and Psychologically Harmful Religion.](https://revmichaelheath.com/exposing-psychologically-harmful-religion/) - Many times the role of a pastoral counselor is to point out and lift up spiritual concerns hidden by cultural or psychological trappings. At other times it is to call to task errors and abuses of religion which has gone astray and become abusive of mental health or to help those who have suffered abuse from harmful religious practices or clergy misconduct to heal. The latter is the nature of our discussion today. The recent murder of Asian women in Atlanta has brought attention to the growing number of attacks against Asian-Americans. There is another aspect of this slaughter, however, which must not be overlooked : the harmful influence of the alleged shooter's religion. More specifically, I believe that the conservative church's teachings about sex and women played a significant part in the murderer's enraged emotional state . The church's ignorant and outdated attitudes about sex and women contributed to Robert Long's self-loathing and hostility toward women. These factors are crucial to consider if one is to understand not only what motivated his heinous crime but also the emotional harm has been done to countless other followers of this psychologically harmful type of religion . Apart from its specific teachings about sex, here are some commonly held features to help you spot psychologically harmful religion:
- [Hope and Understanding for Sexless Marriages.](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-sexless-marriages/) - #pI don't understand why but, recently, the number of sexless marriages reported by the couples I see is on the rise. Indeed, this lack of physical intimacy has becoming a major source of concern and even results in divorce for those who do not seek help. Having checked national statistics , as of 2019 as many as 15 to 20% of marriages surveyed are sexless. (A sexless marriage is one in which the couple reports having sex less than once a month,) This statistic is shocking because , as little as ten years ago, only 2 to 5 % of marriages were classified as sexless. In addition, one wonders if the stressful effects of COVID-19 has made the percentage even higher. Typically, there are always some couples who don't have sex from time to time. The most common reasons married people abstain are obvious. Stress from work, marital conflicts, exhaustion from raising children and work as well as having impairing medical conditions top the list. Others experience a significantly diminished libido because of depressive disorders or the effects of medication. In a sexless marriage , however, the loss of interest is neither transient nor obvious . While I can't explain, specifically, why this dramatic shift has occurred , unresolved anger and resentment are always serious factors which can virtually eliminate normal marital relations. Submerged anger can literally block erotic neurological impulses and leave a person without romantic desire. Fortunately, for couple who wish to address this situation, a lot can be done to resolve the problem and restore normal feelings of attraction and excitement. Here are questions to think about and discuss with your mate:
- [TIME IS RUNNING OUT: EXTEND THE NEW YORK STATE OF EMERGECNY ORDER, NOW !](https://revmichaelheath.com/insurance-alert-governors-order-ends-april-21/) - This is an important announcement concerning upcoming possible insurance policy changes for those who are currently engaged in tele-therapy and who use medical insurance to pay for these services. Even though there is encouraging news regarding the COVID-19 pandemic, with reports of dropping positivity rates, greater vaccine availability and expanded vaccination locations, the CDC and the President have made it clear that we are not yet out of the woods. Specifically, they have strongly warned against prematurely loosening COVID-19 precautions for things such as social distancing, wearing masks and avoiding being in indoor, non-ventilated settings for more than fifteen minutes. Despite the persistence of the COVID-19 threat and the repeated warnings from federal agencies and officials, New York's government has been asleep at the switch and has failed to extend the governor's executive order which declared that New York was in a "state of emergency". In doing so, the declaration provided for full insurance coverage for tele-therapy for counseling. This order also directed insurance companies to suspend copays, co-shares and deductibles regarding behavioral health services and also stipulated that reimbursement for tele-therapy be on par with face-to-face counseling. On April 21, 2021, this executive order will expire. At this point, it is not clear what insurance companies will do or what changes will be made concerning eligibility or payment for tele-therapeutically delivered counseling provided after that deadline. The concern is that insurance companies will simply return to pre-COVID-19 policies and, because of this change, many clients could be adversely affected . It is very possible that suspended co-pays, co-shares and deductibles will be reinstated and other supplemental fees may be added. In addition, clients currently working with out-of-network therapists via tele-therapy may be directed to seek counseling with in-network service providers.
- [The Secret to More Romance: THE FIVE SECOND KISS](https://revmichaelheath.com/they-secret-to-more-romance-the-five-second-kiss/) - With Valentine's Day just around the corner, our attention naturally turns to thoughts of love and romance. Ironically, despite all of the media hype advertisers place on it, many folks (especially women) report that real romance is in short supply in their relationships. The stress and restrictions imposed by COVID-19 have made matters even worse. That said, now is a good time to talk about romance and desire because there is good news for folks who want to rekindle their passion. Kissing is one of the most often overlooked and undervalued gestures which will evoke romantic feelings between lovers. While couples report that they still kiss, they also report that kissing often has become almost perfunctory and has lost a lot of its pizazz. This observation leads us to the title of this blog post: The Five Second Kiss. Doing more kissing for at least five seconds is a simple change that couples can do which will increase the amount of romance ( and mostly likely sex) in their relationship. Once you give this a try, you will be amazed what a big difference such a simple thing like taking a little longer to kiss makes. It's also great to learn that, for healthy relationships, even though romance has been neglected in the past, it's never too late to get it back. If you have a romance deficit and want to improve but aren't sure what to do or feel a little awkward getting started , know that breaking the ice is the hardest part. Here are some tips to help you get started.
- [Alone on Valentine's Day : Looking at your Outlook on Love](https://revmichaelheath.com/alone-on-valentines-day-looking-at-your-outlook-on-love/) - Depending on your romantic situation, Valentine's Day can mean dramatically different things. For lovers and happily married folks, it can be a joyful time to reflect on and express love and affection for one another. However, this media-hyped day can be an excruciating and heartbreaking time for folks who have lost, are without partners or who are in the midst of relational strife or divorce. Indeed, the plight of those who are lonely can be overlooked and ignored in the wake of the red-hearted deluge of the holiday. We need to remember that, for these folks, Valentine's Day is at best awkward and at worst a painful reminder of loneliness, frustration, disappointment and loss. Beyond the pain of being without or losing a loving partner is the destructive impact on one's self-esteem . Unfortunately, partner-less and divorcing folks often blame themselves for their lack of romantic success and see themselves as defective or so damaged that they will always be alone. While some folks do suffer from emotional issues which make sustaining intimate relationships difficult or problematic, that is not the case for most. If are bummed out on Valentine's Day, here are some questions and tips to help you better understand the mystery of romance and to improve your odds for finding love:
- [BABY STEPS : The Best Way to Make New Year's Resolutions.](https://revmichaelheath.com/baby-steps-the-best-way-to-approach-your-new-years-resolutions/) - Happy New Year ! (And good riddance to 2020.) As we start a new year and look forward to a better 2021, the thoughts of many turn to new year's resolutions and making significant changes and improvements in their lives. Things like losing weight, exorcising more, not smoking and cutting down on drinking lead the list. Sadly however, despite good intentions, many fail to carry through with their plans and are unable to achieve their goals. One of the reasons people fail is that they fall victim to "all or nothing" thinking . Basically, the all or nothing trap is an outlook which begins with a very large and often an unrealistic goal. When immediate results are not accomplished, the person , rather than adjusting his/her expectations or changing her/his approach, gives up and stops trying altogether. For example, someone who wants to lose 20 pounds, and starts a new diet which promises drastic weight loss quickly may get discouraged if they are unable to stick to the diet or if the weight does not come off as swiftly as promised. Discouraged, the individual may not only abandon their diet but also binge eat to soothe themselves. As a result their discouragement, they may actually gain weight. In other words having realistic expectations very important because unreasonable ones can be counter productive. Those seeking psychological help often make the the same kind of mistakes. Unrealistic hopes, when not quickly fulfilled, can often result in discouragement and a premature termination of the therapy process or not even being able to make the initial call for help. Fortunately, there is a helpful alternative to all or nothing thinking. A good example of this approach is found in the 1984 comedy, What about Bob, in which Richard Dreyfus played a psychiatrist who wrote a book called "Baby Steps". Baby steps is another way of describing a therapeutic approach to making changes that psychologists refer to as progressive approximation. From this point of view , it is assumed that most meaningful change does not occur in one giant leap but, instead, takes place gradually and incrementally as the result of having taken many small steps. With that outlook in mind, here are some basic tips to help you with your new year's resolutions:
- [5 Tips for Keeping your Brain "Sharp".](https://revmichaelheath.com/5-basic-tips-for-keeping-your-brain-sharp/) - As we begin a new year, rather than talk about resolutions and tips for keeping them as I have done over the past many years, I decided to do something different. Upon turning 72 today, I decided to celebrate by sharing some new and truly significant research with you (especially for those older folks like me) about how to keep your brain young and to fight off dementia. My inspiration and source for this segment is CNN's chief medical consultant and neurosurgeon Sanjay Gupta, M.D. and his new book Keeping Sharp . In it, Dr. Gupta provides not only a concise summary of practical information of how to stay mentally sharp but also offers new data which suggests lifestyle changes which can help fend off dementia and even reverse some of its effects. Here is a summary that I hope will get your new year off to a great start . Happy New Year !
- [The Psychological Importance of Prayer.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-psychological-importance-of-prayer/) - In the wake of news reports about the recent assault on the Capitol, many have been pushed to edge of their limits to cope. The level of violence and the intensity of the anger displayed in the videos reveals a shocking and dangerous segment of America which causes many to wonder if the center can hold. In troubling times such as these, people throughout the ages have turned to prayer for emotional and spiritual support. For many in this science dominated world, however, the idea of praying to a god is archaic and has lost its meaning and power. Some falsely believe that one needs to be "religious" to experience the power of prayer. I disagree. I firmly believe that the need to call out to the divine in times of distress is imprinted in our DNA regardless of one’s religious beliefs or lack thereof. Even those who are technologically advanced seem to possess a spiritual longing for transcendent meaning and reality. This fundamental curiosity and need for comfort and reassurance is deeply imbedded in human nature. That said, prayer may have many meanings and forms. Prayer does not necessarily have to be conceived of as praying to a man with a long white beard who sits on a throne. Indeed, reality of the divine may be experienced in many ways just as the practice of prayer has many forms. Personally, psychology has been a powerful alternative to literalism which makes prayer meaningful for me. For many, psychology is the Rosetta Stone which translates eternal spiritual concepts into contemporaneously meaningful ideas and truths. Let me explain:
- [Coping with COVID, Depression and the Holidays](https://revmichaelheath.com/coping-with-covid-depression-and-the-holidays/) - Where to begin ? 2020 has been an absolutely horrible year for so many with increased social and racial tensions, violence, economic ruin, sickness and death all under the never ending threat of the COVID virus. Indeed, these have been depressing times. Worse, the unexpectedly long duration of this plague has worn down the our resolve, exhausted our energy and dampened the joy of the holiday for many . This year depression is not simply a clinical diagnosis. For many it is a daily reality. Nonetheless, the end of the year has brought signs of hope. We have new president who acknowledges the reality of the viral threat and is committed to waging a vigorous and unified attack against the disease. Most importantly, the arrival of effective vaccines will mean that the end of the devastation and death is in the foreseeable future. Whether you suffer from depression which pre-existed COVID or whether life over the past few months has simply become too much, here are some tips to help you cope with the holidays and make it to the new year:
- [How to talk ,not fight, about jealousy .](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-talk-not-fight-about-jealousy/) - So here is the dilemma: On one hand, the best way to keep jealous feelings from getting out of hand is to talk about and reality test them with one's mate. On the other hand, unfortunately, these conversations can be so emotionally radioactive that they often result in arguments and fights. Fortunately, there are some simple steps which can help couples to discuss jealous feelings rationally and reduce painful worries and recriminations. Take a look:
- [Why can't you just get "over it" ?  How to tell when someone has recovered from an affair.](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-cant-you-just-get-over-it-how-to-tell-when-someone-has-recovered-from-an-affair/) - One of the most commonly heard laments when working with couples who have survived an affair is: " Why can't you just get over it and move on ?" While the comment is usually made by the offender who is frustrated that his/her mate still brings up what s/he has done, the remark also raises a good question to which many folks don't know the answer. So, today let's talk about what has to happen emotionally for one to "get over" and "move on" from betrayal and how one can tell when it has happened.
- [Halloween,  COVID-19 and the Confusing Paradox of Fear and Disbelief.](https://revmichaelheath.com/halloween-covid-19-and-the-confusing-paradox-of-fear-and-disbelief/) - This year Halloween arrived just as the coronavirus pandemic is surging across America, again. This ironic coincidence of spooks and a deadly virus provides an opportunity for us to discuss the interesting but confusing paradox in the human psyche which allows us to fear that which is not real and to deny that which is really threatening or dangerous.On one hand, we celebrate and enjoy horror movies and other things which can scare us temporarily. Yet , as we have seen in the popularity of Donald Trump and his attack on science and the refusal of so many to wear masks and take reasonable precautions to prevent contracting or spreading the coronavirus, many Americans deny the reality and the severity of COVID-19. Although counter-intuitive, psychology can explain, at least in part , why this strange contradiction is so.To begin, let's understand why we love scary things like movies and Halloween. When we are scared, our brain releases dopamine which gives us a rush. The neurochemical reaction is emotionally stimulating and similar to the terror response caused by a real threat or crisis. However, horror movie thrills are significantly different from the experience of actual danger because the rational part of our brain knows that the scary perception isn't real. This enjoyment is the same sensation we feel when riding on a roller coaster or in other thrill seeking activities. We like it because it is exciting but down deep, we know that we are safe. We know that we are safe because our neo-cortex , the part of the brain which is rational, assess the situation to be safe.On the other hand, sometimes we tend to deny real threats when they are overwhelming, and feel out of control. We become overwhelmed when there is a real threat confronting us and don't know how to handle the dangerous situation or to feel safe. Neurologically, to make matters worse, the panic which comes from being emotionally overwhelmed causes the amygdale , the hypervigilant part of the brain which constantly looks for threats, to hi-jack and block access to the logical part of our brain which, in the case of a real threat, would cause us to take reasonable action.In some cases, fear causes us to become angry and attack the threat. In other cases, it causes us to run away. Denial or disbelief is a type of emotional running away which gives us some emotional space to avoid having to deal with or engage the problem before we are ready. If, however, access to the cortex is not re-established in time ,denial can complicate or make it impossible to respond effectively to the crisis.Fortunately, there are effective techniques to help us to sort out and and identify irrational fears and problematic denial from normal avoidance. Here are three basic steps to follow when fear and denial has blocked access to your neo-cortex:
- [Religion , Sex and Guilt .](https://revmichaelheath.com/christianity-sex-and-guilt/) - October is World Mental Health Month and, as such, I want to address what I regard as a neglected but, nonetheless, a significant obstacle to emotional wellness and overall mental health: erroneous guilt and shame associated with sex. As a pastoral counselor who has helped folks deal with a wide variety of emotional issues and conflicts over the years, I have witnessed many individuals and couples with this problem. While there are multiple factors which have created this difficult experience, it is indeed ironic that traditional church attitudes and teachings about sex are largely responsible for so much of the unnecessary guilt and emotional pain experienced by so many , especially by Christian believers. To be clear, I believe that much of the problem stems from Christianity's fundamental discomfort with and ignorance about sex. Despite the many decades of progress made by our society in the areas of human rights and social justice, our cultural and especially religious attitudes about sex have remained mired in myth and false ideas. It is amazing to me to realize how many folks are influenced by archaic views about sex and are tormented because of them. Frankly, the way many clerics ignore science and pervert biblical teachings about sex constitutes theological or spiritual malpractice . The extent to which they have condemned as sinful, normal sexual feelings and practices is nothing less than abusive and ethically reprehensible. Instead uplifting and promoting joy, understanding and love, many of the damning attitudes and scowling views have caused spiritual conflict and resulted in personal self-hatred and relational strife. Fortunately, the damage done by such beliefs is not permanent and can be undone with combination of accurate information and supportive therapy. Today I want to review with you three of the most common , destructive and egregious errors found in traditional church teachings about sex:
- [Sex and Religion : Confessions of a Pastoral Counselor.](https://revmichaelheath.com/sex-and-religion-confessions-of-a-pastoral-counselor/) - Okay, let's start with a little Rorschach test. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the words sex and religion ? Not so good. Certainly not like cookies and milk. They just don't go together very well. From its inception, Christianity has never been comfortable with the topic of sex. It is important to remember that, when Christianity arose, Roman culture 's decadence was at its worst. It is understandable but unfortunate, that to escape its licentiousness, the early church fathers were unable to understand the spiritual aspects of human sexuality and totally separated it from faithful devotion. Perhaps Christianity's failure to integrate sexuality into its theology and deal with it realistically was due in part to its expectation of Christ's imminent return. From that point of view, things concerning the body would be of little concern. However, St. Paul’s discomfort with sex seems to go beyond that. His writings about sex and women are suspect and reveal that he was not actually comfortable with sex at all. For example, he preferred celibacy and only recommended marriage as a way to prevent sexual immorality and deal with sexual desire. (1Cor 7) For whatever reason, subsequent leaders of the church were never able to fully embrace sexuality in a healthy way. As comedian George Carlin once quipped, the sacrament of marriage was never really able to transform something which was regarded as “dirty” or disgusting into something divine. Sex was largely appreciated for being a means to the end of creating children. (Thomas Aquinas) Little effort was spent extolling the sheer joy of the experience. Worse, church doctrine tended to take natural human curiosity and interest about sex and normal physiological impulses like masturbation, and turn them into mortal sins e.g. having impure thoughts or self-abuse. Indeed, throughout its history, the church has elevated celibacy and sexual purity as the most virtuous and godly state. I reflect on Christianity’s negative bias against sex in the past because, I, as a pastoral counselor , see the pain caused by religiously induced guilt and shame over sex. Today, the omnipresence of sex in our culture (in advertising and through internet pornography) heightens the conflict. Without positive alternatives to offer, the traditional emphasis on sexual purity is psychologically abusive. The conservative messages are abusive because they give the impression that normal sexual impulses are evil or sinful desires. Instead of helping folks learn to how to morally and responsibility navigate the choppy waters of the sexual environment found in modern life, the emphasis on purity simply preaches avoidance and condemnation. This attitude exposes the fundamental inability of some churches to understand that sex is not the enemy of faith . Likewise, these beliefs are oblivious to the fact that human sexuality is a vital aspect of a spiritually and psychologically healthy person. Over the years, the physical abuse of children by clergy has been a terrible reality for many people. Beyond the physical abuse, however, it is clear that the guilt and shame created by ignorant and phobic attitudes towards sex and sexual diversity is an even more extensive and pervasive problem which has been often minimized or ignored.
- [Marital Journaling: How to Improve Communications between Emotionally Reactive Couples](https://revmichaelheath.com/marital-journaling-how-to-improve-communications-between-emotionally-reactive-couples/) - Journaling is very big. Everyone from therapists to staff sergeants are recommending it. Likewise there are all kinds of journals. There are food, dieting, workout , writing , prayer , dream , travel, reading, gratitude , pregnancy and creative writing journals, just to name a few. Journaling is popular for a very good reason. It is a very helpful and effective way to clarify , organize and focus one's thoughts as well as to ventilate and expel intense emotion which can cloud or distort thinking. Best of all , this age old practice can be done by anyone no matter your age , level of education or economic status. In addition to individual journaling, there is another type of journaling which does not get as much attention as it deserves which can be a very important tool for couples who are having trouble with communicating with each other. It is called marital journaling (MJ). With MJ, partners share one journal and take turns messaging and responding to one another by writing in the diary-like volume that they share. Writing messages is useful because, rather than speaking face-to-face, it has been found to be a less provocative way for highly reactive couples to "talk" constructively about issues which they disagree. MJ is an effective alternative to face- to-face talking for couples who frequently argue and are frustrated because areas of disagreement go unresolved . Indeed, for couples whose attempts to negotiate bog down into personal attacks, taking turns composing reasonably thought out messages in a journal can provide immediate relief which leads to greater communication and understanding between the partners . Here's how it works:
- [The Experience of Awe and the Importance of Feeling Small](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-experience-awe-and-the-importance-of-feeling-small/) - If you have ever wittnessed an amzing sunset, looked up at the stars and imagined the vastness of the universe or simply stood at the base of an immense, magnificent building, you know the feeling of awe -- that reverential feeling of amazement ,fear and wonder which comes from realizing that you are but a small part of the immense larger reality which is the universe. Recently, science is reporting just how important the feeling of awe is for our emotional, spiritual, physical and social health. If it has been too long since you have felt real awe, don't despair. You can learn to discover something awesome in almost any situation.* To begin:
- [Intimate Listening: The Key to Re-Building Marital Trust After Betrayal.](https://revmichaelheath.com/intimate-reflection-the-key-to-re-building-marital-trust-after-betrayal/) - Certainly one of the most important qualities in a successful marriage is trust. However, when it is broken by dishonesty or betrayal, the emotional damage is so serious that the very survival of the union is uncertain. As a therapist, one of the most commonly asked questions by those seeking marriage or couples counseling is , “Can trust be regained ? “ and “ Can the injuries caused by the breach ever really heal ? “ Often, underlying these questions is a sense of hopelessness and the belief that a broken trust can never be repaired. While the challenge of rebuilding trust is not easy or simple, forty years of experience in dealing with issues like infidelity has taught me that there is hope and that restoring a durable trust is possible if couples are able and willing to make the effort and to make some basic changes in their relationship. Conceptually, what is needed for trust to be regained is emotional reassurance i.e. confidence and certainty that you can count on your partner when s/he is most needed. Betrayals like affairs or secretive financial activities are so devastating to trust because they draw into serious or complete doubt how well one knows or understands who one's partner is. Doubt about one’s mate shatters the sense of emotional security on which trust is built. While this sounds good in theory, what, specifically, can couples do to rebuild confidence in one another? Here some tips that can restore needed trust:
- [The Coronavirus Blues and Our Obsolete Notions of Retirement.](https://revmichaelheath.com/coronaviurs-blues-and-our-obsolete-notions-of-retirement/) - The full impact of the COVID-19 pandemic may not be known for years but, already, one of the unexpected effects that the virus has had on those who have been forced to shelter-in-place or to work from home has been to stir up anxiety about retirement. Retirement ? Hang on. Let me explain. More than one client has expressed similar difficulties which initially involved work restrictions necessitated by coronavirus but ultimately were rooted in a deeper anxiety caused by an outdated notion of retirement. Unfortunately, even though major progress has been made in terms of medical care and life-expectancy, our image of what modern retirement can be like lags seriously behind what it has become. Having realistic expectations about retirement in the 21st century is crucial both to prevent dread and to make the transition successfully. If you have been anxious thinking about retirement, there are some important facts to consider that may change your understanding of what retirement will involve. To help, here is a summary of a case which illustrates the problem.
- [Some Thoughts about Love , Addiction and Obsession.](https://revmichaelheath.com/some-thoughts-about-love-addiction-and-obsession/) - Today I want to talk about a common problem which is, unfortunately, unnecessarily experienced by many folks: being "in love" with an abusive or unloving partner. A common misunderstanding present in these kind of destructive situations is a fundamental confusion about the meaning of love, i.e. where sexual thrills or emotional dependency is mistaken for a mature caring and devotion. In working with individuals and couples for over 40 years, I have heard the word love used in many ways. Indeed, the Greeks had different words to capture the many shades of meaning this English word can express:. When it comes to relationships, however, I have frequently observed a confusion between eros and agape or between mania and agape. Here is how to understand the differences.
- [The Surprising Benefits of Adding More Water to your Diet !](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-amazing-benefits-of-adding-more-water-to-your-diet/) - One of the fundamental assumptions of psychotherapy is that, emotionally, we often confuse one thing for another. For example, a man has problems with his boss and then comes home and takes his anger out on his dog or his wife. That phenomenon is called displacement. Another example is when a person is feeling depressed and so they drink too much to numb the pain. That is called self-medicating the symptom. To effectively resolve hidden issues like anger or depression, the underlying problem must be identified and directly addressed. In these examples, the real issues, the conflict with one's boss or the source of the person's depression must be recognized and treated. Sometimes behavioral problems are assumed to have psychological causes when, in fact, they may also stem from or at least involve medical ones. Overlooking physiological dimensions is sometimes the case with "stress" eating or having difficulties sticking to a diet to lose weight. Research has found that sometimes we confuse preliminary dehydration with feelings of hunger. Sometimes over-eating is associated with stress and anxiety when, in fact, it also is a sign that the body is saying that it needs more water. https://www.health.com/weight-loss/11-reasons-youre-always-hungry . If exclusively psychologically-focused efforts to help you stop over-eating or to lose weight have failed , you may want to consider dehydration as a complicating factor. Here is my personal story: A while back I
- [We Need Compassion Now More Than Ever: Four Steps to Increasing Empathy](https://revmichaelheath.com/we-need-compassionnow-more-than-ever-four-steps-to-increasing-empathy/) - Given the heightened level of tension and polarization present in today's world, empathy is, ironically, the thing which is most needed and in the shortest supply. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and care about the feelings of another. It is feeling compassion for someone else. Although neuroscience estimates that 98% of people have the neural capacity for empathy , the current level of societal anger generated by both the hardships imposed by the coronavirus crisis and racial unrest toward police reveals that many folks are not feeling or expressing it. Instead of understanding and compassion, fear and mistrust are keeping us from uniting together against the common threats of Covid-19 and racism. Apart from the larger cultural and political unrest, empathy is a key ingredient needed in everyday life to help partners , families, friends and colleagues, to get along better and reduce conflicts. The ability to put ourselves in another person's shoes and experience and discover how another person has many of the same hopes and fears that we do goes a long way towards overcoming mistrust and hostility. Here are four simple steps to help you improve your understanding of and increase your caring about others:
- [COVID-19, Boredom and Stress Eating : 7 Tips to help prevent weight gain during the coronavirus crisis.](https://revmichaelheath.com/covid-19-boredom-and-stress-eating-7-tips-to-help-prevent-weight-gain-during-the-coronavirus-crisis/) - As restrictions caused by the coronavirus continue and the frustration they have created mount, one of the common casualties reported by many folks is unwanted weight gain. This phenomenon is especially problematic for those who are sheltered-at-home. Changes and restriction in daily customs and work routines has created situations where folks don't know what to do with large amounts of idle and unstructured time. This over-abundance of unstructured time has resulted in boredom which has in turn has driven many folks to distract and soothe themselves with comfort foods and by binge eating. Likewise, the food’s people are likely to choose for anxiety-based eating , things which are usually loaded with sugar , simple carbs and fats, are not helpful for maintaining a stable weight. Uncontrolled stress-eating combined with reduced activity levels spell trouble for anyone trying to avoid putting one a few pounds. You get the point. Folks whose lives are normally filled with jobs and other vigorous activities have been caught off guard by the social side effects of COVID-19. The absence of a normal routine and a lack of meaningful stimulation has resulted in people feeling bored. Undisciplined eating has been what many have relied upon to cope with this unresolved public health crisis. Nevertheless, it is important to understand that unhealthy weight gain is not inevitable that but preventing it will take some increased awareness and intentional effort. If you are struggling with this issue, here are seven tips to help you resist the impulse to pig-out :
- [Is COVID-19 Killing the Romance in your Marriage?  Get Silly and Laugh !](https://revmichaelheath.com/is-covid-19-killing-the-romance-in-your-marriage-get-silly-and-laugh/) - With more and more people working at home and sheltering, due to the Covid-19 pandemic, many couples are spending additional time in physical proximity to one another. This increased togetherness has resulted in many partners taking advantage of the increased opportunity and having more sex. Unfortunately, for other couples, the forced togetherness has exposed previously avoided problems of intimacy and romance and created some uncomfortable awkwardness. As a clinician who helps couples have better sex lives, I see the coronavirus crisis as an excellent opportunity to address and fix an embarrassing and discouraging problem. The good news is that the solution is really fun but doesn't involve sex at all. The key for many couples to re-ignite the flames of passion is unlocking pent up inhibitions and learning how to get silly . Yes, that is not a typographical error. Increasing silliness in couple is good and allows passion to follow. Let me explain:
- [Frequently Asked Questions about Tele-Therapy .](https://revmichaelheath.com/frequently-asked-questions-about-tele-therapy/) - It's been almost two months since all counseling here in New York State has been conducted via tele-therapy , i.e. over either a telephone or a video platform. At first, speaking with your counselor in this way may seem artificial or odd, but my experience and the experience of many others has been that, with a little practice, it becomes quite natural and normal. While remote counseling is not new,, ( I first provided Skype style sessions for military families with deployed members almost twenty years ago), many folks don't know much about it. So , if you have been considering getting some counseling but have been reluctant due to this different format, here are some frequently asked questions and answers about tele-therapy to help you understand it and feel more comfortable with it.
- [Understanding and Overcoming the Self-Blame and Shame of Sexual Abuse](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-and-overcoming-the-self-blame-and-shame-of-sexual-abuse/) - Okay , my apologies for not posting earlier about this. With all the attention given to and disruptions caused by COVID-19, I almost neglected to acknowledge that April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. That said , I want to address a serious two headed problem faced by many who have been sexually assaulted: Shame and Self-Blame. Too often, even after many years have passed, many folks who have experienced sexual assault as children say that, even though they "know better", they still can't shake the feeling deep down inside that what happened was their fault. It is important to understand that self-recrimination is a common psychological phenomenon experienced by many who have been abused. The good news is that, once understood, individuals can break its depressing hold and free themselves from this false sense of guilt and responsibility . Let me show you how.
- [Lessons from Job for Families Dealing with Anger Issues  while Sheltering-in-Place.](https://revmichaelheath.com/lessons-from-job-for-families-dealing-with-anger-issues-while-sheltering-in-pace/) - As the Covid-19 crisis drags on and the isolation restrictions take their emotional toll, how to deal with increased irritability and anger is one of the of the most commonly asked questions by many cooped-up couples and families. For me, both as a pastoral counselor and a psychotherapist, The Bible is filled with stories which can help us in times such as these. The Old Testament book of Job offers some especially valuable guidance. What is remarkable about Job's anger is how it is expressed and where it is directed . Unlike most of us when we get mad, Job did not externalize or displace his frustrations onto others or God. He did not become verbally abusive or name-call nor did he blame or make excuses. What he did in perfect I-statement form, was to talk about his experience and his pain and what he wanted. Applying this illustrative story to our situation, here are the key points to remember about Job's model for dealing with anger and frustrations while living in cramped quarters and restricted circumstances:
- [NEW YORK STATE SUSPENDS ALL MEDICAL INSURANCE CO-PAYS AND DEDUCTIBLES.](https://revmichaelheath.com/new-york-state-suspends-all-medical-insurance-co-pays-and-deductibles/) - In an effort to make it easier for folks to cope during these stressful times which has been created by the COVID-19 crisis, New York's governor , Andrew Cuomo has declared that a state of emergency exists. To ensure that folks continue to seek, to receive and to afford needed counseling ,in addition to requiring, non-face to face, tele-therapy for counseling, the state had has ordered that due to the virus crisis: All Insurance Co-Pays and Deductibles Are Suspended until further notice. Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC. https://www.dfs.ny.gov/industry_guidance/circular_letters/cl2020_06?fbclid=IwAR03srYC3Tsq18twyOLOS0bnVfCgkVyX4xtMDtSNdSc8i67TsDR1bcTr1pk
- [COVID -19 UPDATE : 3/23/2020](https://revmichaelheath.com/covid-19-update-3-23-2020/) - In response to the unfolding coronavirus crisis, I want to re-assure everyone that Pine Ridge will continue to provide the highest quality of psychotherapy and pastoral counseling throughout this ordeal. In keeping with the best medical and public health recommendations, however, all therapy and counseling will be tele-therapy conducted via phone and video platforms. If you have any questions about how to proceed during these trying and uncertain times, please call us at ( 315 380 1005 ) and I will be glad to help. Rev. Michael Health , LMHC, Fellow AAPC 3 22 2020 .
- [It's Okay to Be Afraid but there is No Need to Panic: Tips for Managing Coronavirus Fear Rationally.](https://revmichaelheath.com/its-okay-to-be-afraid-but-there-is-no-need-to-panic-tips-managing-coronavirus-fear-rationally/) - Okay, everyone needs to just take a deep intentional breath or two and reflect for a moment. Although it is unprecedented and very difficult to accept much less understand, over the past week, the coronavirus has completely changed the world and life as we have come to know it. Even worse , even the experts don't know how bad it is going to get or how long it will be before life returns to normal. Indeed, these are frightening times and being afraid is normal and not a sign of paranoia or some other anxiety disorder. That said, while it is normal and okay to be afraid, it is important not to panic. Here are some basic tips to help you tell the difference between fear and panic and how to manage fear rationally :
- [COVID-19 Update:](https://revmichaelheath.com/covid-19-update/) - In response to concerns about the coronavirus problem, I want to reassure clients that, even though there has not been a reported case of COVID-19 in Onondaga or its surrounding counties, our offices are cleaned with sanitary wipes after each appointment and that every precaution is taken to prevent the potential spread of the disease including having hand sanitizer available . Likewise, for those who are ill and wish treatment or for those who are simply anxious about going out in public, teletherapy is available through phone and HIPAA compliant internet based video platforms. With respect to other medical appointments you may want to consider telehealth options. Please contact your doctors to see if they provide such remote consultation services. It is important to know that we will continue to provide counseling services no matter how intrusive or disruptive the virus becomes. In the mean time, here is a link listing precautions to be taken if you are over 60. https://ix.cnn.io/dailygraphics/graphics/20200311-coronavirus-tipsheet/CNN-coronavirus-tipsheet-en_US.pdf Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC 3 12 2020
- [Coping with Coronavirus Anxiety: Tips for Keeping a Rational Perspective .](https://revmichaelheath.com/coping-with-coronavirus-anxiety-putting-the-threat-into-a-rational-perspective/) - Over the past few weeks, there has been wall to wall coverage of the Coronavirus (COVID-19), epidemic. In addition to the impact on the sick, the fear of the spread of this disease has caused world-wide alarm and has had a devastating impact on industry and the world's stock markets . Concerns about limiting and containing the spread of the virus have already resulted in significant daily living disruptions with measures such as quarantines, cancelled conventions and air flights. Going forward , how to prevent a general public panic is uncertain. Unfortunately, the problem is made worse and more confusing because government preparation and responses have been inadequate and statements from the White House and public health agencies about the virus or what to do are often contradictory. As a result, it is difficult for the public to know what is true and just who to believe. Fortunately, there is wide-spread agreement among health experts about what common sense measures should be employed to lesson the risk of contracting the disease: However, it is important to realize , despite all of the media attention, the virus is not the Black Plague. Although many will be infected by Coronavirus, most will not even feel sick. That said the threat of the virus goes beyond a medical risk. COVID-19 poses a severe psychological stress which create individual and even mass panic. Even for those who don't get sick, the emotional strain of non-stop media hype in addition to the disruptive precautionary measures will pose a serious menace that will, in some way, impact almost everyone sooner or later. Although no one can control the spread or extent of the disease, there is a lot which individuals can do to control the anxiety produced by this difficult situation. Here are some important tips:
- [Turned Away on Valentine's Day: Tips for Dealing with Rejection and Loneliness](https://revmichaelheath.com/turned-away-on-valentines-day-tips-for-dealing-with-rejection-and-loneliness/) - Depending on your romantic situation, Valentine's Day can mean dramatically different things. For lovers and married folks, it can be a joyful time to reflect on and express love and affection for one another. However, this heavily media-hyped day can be an excruciating and heartbreaking time for folks who have lost, are without partners or who are in the midst of relational strife or divorce. Indeed, the plight of those who are lonely can be overlooked and ignored in the wake of the red-hearted deluge of the holiday. We need to remember that, for these folks, Valentine's Day is at best awkward and at worst a painful reminder of loneliness, frustration, disappointment and loss. Beyond the pain of being without or losing a loving partner is the destructive impact on one's self-esteem . Unfortunately, partner-less and divorcing folks often blame themselves for their lack of romantic success and see themselves as defective or permanently damaged such that they will always be alone. While some folks do suffer from emotional issues which make sustaining intimate relationships difficult or problematic, that is not the case for most. And for those who are bummed out on Valentine's Day, here are some thoughts and tips for coping with loneliness until Cupid's arrows work their magic.
- [A Valentine's Day Primer for Couples who want more Romance in their Marriage  .](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-valentines-day-primer-for-couples-who-want-more-romance-in-their-marriage/) - Valentine's Day is just around the corner and so it's a perfect time to talk about romance and how important and necessary it is to a lasting and satisfying marriage. It is ironic that , while that most folks think that romance is a good thing, many married (and unmarried) couples admit that there isn't a lot of it in their relationship and would like more. Unfortunately, many erroneously believe that once romance disappears from a marriage, there is no way to get it back. The good news is that there are plenty of ways to rekindle romantic feelings and restore excitement to your marriage. Given the all of the bad information and discouragement surrounding romance, here are some basic facts to remember that explain: 1) Why romance is so important, 2) The key factors that go into keeping romance alive and vigorous and 3) Tips for re-igniting romance and passion that may have flagged :
- [Let's Talk about Sexless Marriages: The Good News !](https://revmichaelheath.com/lets-talk-about-sexless-marriages-there-is-good-news/) - Recent studies have repeatedly shown that Americans are having less sex. One statistic reveals that over half of single folks under forty haven't had sex in a year. Factors such as work-related anxiety and financial worries leave many singles either too busy or too stressed out to bother with sex. Shockingly, more and more married couples are reporting that they aren't having sex either. Sexless marriage hasn't been talked about much in the past but, lately, it's attracting more clinical attention because the fact that couples aren't having sex is emerging more frequently with patients who are seeking help for other issues. Sadly, many sexless couples don't seek help because they are discouraged and feel that there is nothing that can be done. Unfortunately, untreated, the problem only becomes worse and worse. While sex may not be the most important thing in life, it's probably in the top ten. Therefore, couples need to know that sexual problems in marriage, while difficult to talk about at first, are very treatable. Here are some important facts about sexless marriages:
- [Being Realistic about New Year's Resolutions: Some things to think about before making one.](https://revmichaelheath.com/being-realistic-about-new-years-resolutions-some-things-to-think-about-before-making-one/) - As we come to the end of the year, encouraged by tradition and media hype, many will think about new year's resolutions and making important changes in their lives. Likewise, many will look back on the year just past with disappointment and discouragement over the well intentioned but failed efforts from the previous year's resolution list. Frankly, change is hard. It takes more than good intentions to actually succeed in making significant and needed improvements in our lives. Many who undertake plans for things like losing weight, quitting smoking or exercising more, for example, fail to understand the necessary factors which are required on one hand and those which work against change on the other. Taking a little time to reflect may not only improve your chances of succeeding but also help to help you to avoid the pain of not following through. With these complications and pitfalls in mind, here are a some things to think about before undertaking the challenge of a new year's resolution .
- [Give the Gift of Empathy During this Holiday Season : Here's How.](https://revmichaelheath.com/give-the-gift-of-empathy-during-this-holiday-season-heres-how/) - It is tough to be blue during the holidays. Amid the hustle and bustle of the pre – Hanukkah and Christmas hype there are many folks for whom the season is not joyous or bright. Although many of us look forward to Christmas as a time for gifts and to celebrate family and friends, there are many others for whom the occasion is difficult and even painful. Death , divorce, financial troubles , loneliness , depression and failing health are but a few of the reasons which keep many folks from experiencing the full joy of the holiday. While we can’t make things all better when we encounter someone who is blue, being aware of his or her plight can help us to be more sensitive and compassionate in our interactions with them. It is important to remember that what folks who are blue really need during this painful time is empathy and understanding. Here are some tips to help you improve your empathy skills and to show more kindness and sensitivity to those you meet during this holiday time:
- [The Deal : How To Restore Trust After Infidelity.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-deal-how-to-restore-trust-after-infidelity/) - Infidelity is one of most painful issues married couples ever face. While the emotional wounds created by the break in trust are sometimes too great to repair, I have found that if the offending partner is sincerely repentant, remorseful and willing to work on the individual or relational issues which lead to the problem and, if the offended partner is sincere in his/her desire to reconcile and accepts that most infidelity stems from deeper relational issues which involve both partners, the wound can be healed, trust can be rebuilt and the marriage can actually grow and mature in deeper intimacy. Over my many years of practice, I have discovered a fundamental communication deal, which, if agreed to and followed by both partners, can , with practice, accelerate healing and renewed confidence in their loyalty and fidelity. However, although the terms of the deal are very simple , carrying out the deal is complicated and difficult. Let me explain.
- [When Expectations Don't Work Out.](https://revmichaelheath.com/when-expectations-dont-work-out/) - Expectations. We all have them, that is to say we all have a sense of what is going to happen in our lives. We have routines which we follow and much of our life is predictable. Part of life, however, is unpredictable and folks who naively or uncritically assume outcomes without sufficient reason can be shocked and sadly disappointed. Indeed, unrealistic expectations or expectations that not met are a major source of distress in life. The spectrum of disappointment is wide and ranges from trivial things like a sports team losing a game or running into a long line at the bank all the way to a life-crisis event like losing a job or being told that one has a serious disease. There are lots of events in the middle, however, which, while not serious with a capital S, nonetheless, create inconvenience or worse. Being caught off guard by these kinds of life events is not only frustrating but an situation which can trigger an anger reaction causes us to act out in ways that are socially disruptive and unpleasant for everyone involved. Indeed, being shocked by unexpected happenings is one of the biggest causes of unpleasant outbursts of anger. Today, we are going to look at how to 1) recognize amygdala-based reactions which often result from unrealistic or unmet expectations, 2) how to calm and reality-test panicked perceptions which generates anger outbursts and 3) how to problem-solve your way to more rational responses to negative and unexpected life events.
- [Understanding and Coping with "Controlling" People.](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-and-coping-with-controling-people/) - Many have commented about the coarsening of our society and the decline of basic civility in politics and in every day life. Psychologically, this change in public decorum correlates with the complexification of life and a greatly reduced sense of control that people experience over there own lives. Nowhere is the loss of control more painfully experienced than in intimate relationships and marriage. Indeed, one of the most common complaints of couples is that they feel that their partner is too "controlling". Here are some important facts about our needs for control and some tips for dealing with controlling people. In social situation in general and especial within marriage, it is crucial that each partner understand these control-issue basics: 1) No one has the right to try to control their partner. 2) Attempts to control are signs of anxiety and panic. 3) When in a state of panic, a person is not in touch with their cortex and thus he/she can not think reasonably. 4) It is not helpful or productive to attempt to struggle with someone who is in a panicked state. 5) Only when the experience of anxiety has been lowered can a productive conversation and respectful negotiations to reach mutually agreeable solutions take place .
- [How Breathing and the "Tupperware" techniques can help to control anger.](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-breathing-and-the-tupperware-techniques-can-help-to-control-anger/) - Violent and uncontrolled expressions of anger are some of the most threatening emotional, social and cultural issues plaguing our society. One of the especially frustrating aspects of anger is its explosive nature which may erupt without warning. Although it takes practice, a helpful skill to acquire to control the raw acting out of anger feelings is to delay the urge to immediately discharge the impulse . Using the mental image of a Tupperware container , along with breathing exercises, is an effective way to defer the immediate and unfiltered release of anger impulses and to allow time for a more reasonable response to be made . Here is how they work together to give you more control.
- [Rethinking the language of mental illness: From nuts and crazy to irrational and disordered.](https://revmichaelheath.com/rethinking-the-language-of-mental-illness-from-nuts-and-crazy-to-irrational-and-disordered/) - Recently, a husband in a counseling session turned and asked me to tell his wife that she was crazy. In declining to do so I asked if he could tell me what he was feeling when he made his request. He responded by saying that he felt exasperated. Indeed , sometimes we hurl words like nuts or crazy when we are frustrated and don’t know what to do. Name-calling is sometime the only thing we can think of because making cutting remarks about the other person makes us feel better . Apart from the session, it got me to thinking about how his comment , apart from being hurtful, is a sign that, despite all that we have learned and despite all the progress that we have made, that we still have a long way to go to get beyond the fear and stigma attached to mental health issues. Part of the prejudice stems from ignorance and a gross misunderstanding of psychological disorders. This confusion has been and continues to be perpetuated, in part, by the common usage of antiquated and misleading terms such as “crazy” and “nuts”. Today, let's explore the linguistic origins these hurtful anachronisms and consider better alternatives to use when discussing mental health issues.
- [S.H.I.E.L.D. : Six steps to protect your brain from Alzheimer's Disease](https://revmichaelheath.com/s-h-i-e-l-d-five-steps-to-protect-your-brain-from-altzheimers-disease/) - This is Alzheimer's awareness day and here is an acronym that everyone should learn: S.H.I.E.L.D. SH.I.E.L.D. stands for the six things that everyone can do to help protect their brain from this dreaded disease. In the past research was aimed at protein build-up (plaques and tangles) but the latest thinking is that INFLAMATION is the culprit. Here are five life-style changes that can help reduce inflammation in the brain and better protect you from Alzheimer's disease.
- [The Absense of Empathy: Psychology's Take on the Origin of Sin and Evil.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-absense-of-empathy-psychologys-take-on-the-origin-of-sin-and-evil-definition-of-sin/) - The incessant reports of gun violence has stimulated deeper questions about the very notion of human sin and evil. A recent report in the New York Times interviewed a theologian and a psychiatrist about their understanding of these mysteries. As one who is an ordained minister and also a licensed psychotherapist, I found the discussion fascinating and relevant to modern concerns about why bad things such as mass shootings happen. Further, the dialog provides a good example of the kinds of issues which pastoral counselors address. In a recent article in the New York Times a theologian and a psychiatrist were asked about their understanding of evil and sin. Specifically, the psychiatrist expressed the widely held view of how modern brain research and psychology understands the concepts of evil and sin. This evolving bio/psycho/social perspective provides a different slant on traditional religious views of evil but, ultimately, is congruent with the fundamental message of biblical beliefs. Here is a look of how science informs and relates to the theological concept of sin.
- [First Aid for Anxiety : Part II - Anticipatory Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/first-aid-for-anxiety-part-ii-anticipatory-anxiety/) - A few weeks ago, I wrote about how to employ first-aid for anxiety. In that discussion, the type of anxiety being addressed was the kind which was triggered by a perceived external stressor in the person's environment, such as a having a difficult conversation with a person or receiving bad or threatening news . -- Today I want to talk about a different kind of anxiety which can also produce intense dysphoric symptoms but which originates in the neo-cortex of the brain and comes from an internal-anticipated threat, rather than an actual or immediate one. -- Rather than relying on physical isolation from the distressing stimulus, a technique which I call Sensational Distraction (SD) can be used to disrupt distract the stressful cascade of thoughts and anxious feelings. With SD a person can shift the focus and attention of their immediate experience from thinking thoughts to perceiving sensations in their body and thus stop the flow of disturbing thoughts and calm the distressed state of mind. -- Although many distractors can be used , an especially effective technique for lessening and stopping anxiety I call the Orange. The orange relies on SD and is the first step, after a person realizes that they are experiencing anticipatory anxiety, calming one's mind. The technique involves four steps and goes like this:
- [Political attempts to blame the mentally Ill for mass shootings is wrong.](https://revmichaelheath.com/political-attempts-to-blame-the-mentally-ill-for-mass-shootings-is-wrong/) - I know it has been a couple of weeks since the tragedies in El Paso and Dayton. I also know that mass shootings have become so frequent that our ability to really comprehend and feel the horror has been saturated beyond human limitations. That said, it is important, in addition to not giving up or giving in to emotionally accepting gun violence as a fact of life, that we not fall victim to our fatigue or fall prey to bogus political attempts to offer facile explanations for complex problems. Likewise, we must be careful not to blame an innocent population for inexplicable horrors. You may have heard some politicians suggest that mental illness is the cause of these mass shootings. Frankly, those who do this simply don't know what they are talking about and are wrong. Here is why:
- [First Aid for Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/first-aid-for-anxiety/) - Anxiety is a serious and complex problem for many people. In some cases, successful treatment requires a combination of psychotherapy and medication. For many, however, employing some basic first-aid can render significant and immediate relief. Here are four steps which, if followed, can dramatically reduce the crippling effects of panic and anxiety attacks.
- [Fear, Anger and the Difficulty of Being Vulnerable in Intimate Communication](https://revmichaelheath.com/fear-anger-and-the-difficulty-of-being-vulnerable-in-intimate-communication/) - Intimate communication is a major problem for many marriages. Partners often find it difficult to talk to each other or, when they do, they feel that what they said is being misunderstood. As a result, couples either avoid talking or when they do talk, what they say is not "real". Specifically, discussions which involve anger
- [NEURO-SCIENCE EXPLAINS WHY EMPATHY WORKS](https://revmichaelheath.com/neuro-science-explains-why-empathy-works/) - Recently, I have been writing about the impact of brain research on our understanding of psychology and its implications for psychotherapy. In this segment, I wish to explain how the very old psychological concept of empathy has been validated by modern neuro-science studies and why it is so important for emotional healing and growth. In brief, stress and a perception of imminent threat shift a person into survival mode which is controlled by the limbic system and which disconnects him/her from his/her cortex. Empathy, on the other hand, conveys a sense of safety, turns off the physiological alarm and allows neuro-pathways to the cortex to be reconnected. This science explains why empathy works to help folks who are experiencing great distress. So, let us look in greater detail at how empathy functions ...
- [How Neuro-science Revolutionizes Biblical Notions of Sin](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-neuro-science-revolutionizes-biblical-notions-of-sin/) - As a pastoral counselor , I am often asked about how my psychological training has influenced my Christian beliefs. While I believe that science does not conflict with my fundamental experience of faith or my belief in God, I believe that it can add to and make more comprehensible some of the more mysterious aspects of life and faith. The notion of sin is an especially good example. You know the traditional Garden of Eden story and how humankind was seduced into sinning by the serpent. According to Genesis, human beings were a created perfection who were corrupted by the temptation of outside influences. As a result, Adam and Eve were driven out of Eden and paradise was lost. There is, however, another way to understand the nature and origin of sin which does not rely on myth and is more congruent with modern science. If God is understood to be love, then any behavior which does not express love is not of God. Sin is the absence of God. Rather than simply blaming Adam and Eve and seeing the source of sin as stubborn disobedience, sin ( which involves disobedience) may be understood as a sense of fear and insecurity which stems from Adam and Eve's inability to trust God. A basic understanding of brain physiology reveals the structural basis for human fear and insecurity which makes trusting so difficult. n other words, unlike a traditional, volitional understanding of sin, a scientific view sees unloving behavior as the consequence of fear and panic blocking our capacity to love. We don't chose sin. Sin ( selfish - irrational behavior) takes us over. Let me explain in more detail.
- [The Secret of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-secret-of-dr-jekyll-and-mr-hyde/) - We all know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and how a loving and compassionate doctor who, in trying to research the secrets of mental illness, unleashed a monster that dwelled deep within his own psyche. Modern neuroscience has gone a long way in explaining how such opposite demeanors could belong to the same person. And, rather than being a "strange case", this seeming contradiction (that persons can hold within themselves such opposite traits) is built in to the very structure of the normal human brain . The key to understanding this mystery and what determines which persona is in control is found in the relationship between the limbic system and the cerebral cortex. Without having to become an expert or get lost in the details , some basic knowledge about brain physiology can help everyone understand confusing, but less extreme, differences in our own behavior and in that of others. Here are some clues to let you know when your rational brain is being hi-jacked and some tips to get rational brain back.
- [Marriage Counseling for couples who are confused about whether to divorce or not.](https://revmichaelheath.com/marriage-counseling-for-couples-who-are-confused-about-whether-to-divorce-or-not/) - Although there is less stigma associated with mental health counseling than there used to be, there are still areas of ignorance and misunderstanding. it is understandable that some people think of marriage counseling as tilted toward keeping a couple together and as being a relational repair shop. While true in many instances, that is not the only function that marriage counseling serves. Sometimes, when marriages are in crisis, individuals and couples aren't clear about what to do. They wonder (often without a clear understanding of their issues) if their relational problems are so severe that it's better to just end it all. Many don't realize that marriage counseling can be a helpful resource to: -- Assess the nature and severity of their problem. -- Explore options and help each individual to clarify ; and, -- Come to a reasoned and well thought out decision about what to do going forward. More specifically, here are some crucial things that couples who are confused about the future of their marriage can clarify through marriage counseling :
- [Why Quitting Isn't Always Bad .](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-quitting-isnt-always-bad/) - America doesn't like quitters. The legendary coach of the Green Bay Packers, Vince Lombardi, used to say, "Winners never quit and Quitters never win." But , is that necessarily true? An alternative to the must fight-on and never-say-die attitude is a liberating point of view which acknowledges that, sometimes, significant changes are necessary. Letting go of the struggle to overcome the impossible can provide peace and serenity and lead to great personal satisfaction. Here are some questions to help you figure out if your struggle is in vain and it’s time to hang it up or if a little more persistence and faith is needed to see things through.
- [How Spring Cleaning Your Marriage Will Make the Romance Shine](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-spring-cleaning-your-marriage-will-make-the-romance-shine/) - As the cold weather reluctantly gives way to warmer temperatures here in Upstate New York, thoughts turn to spring cleaning. It’s funny how quickly neglect can take its toll and junk can pile up. Just like houses, relationships need to be spruced up, too . Spring cleaning is also a helpful metaphor to illustrate how taking time to clean up and toss out can fix the problems caused by neglect and the accumulation of emotional junk. Without proper care and maintenance, romance can fade and get crowed out. So, if you would like to improve the romance in your marriage, here are some things to clean up and/or toss out that will do the trick
- [America's Stress Epidemic and what to do about it.](https://revmichaelheath.com/americas-stress-epidemic-and-what-to-do-about-it/) - Although opioids and measles are getting most of the attention, there is no denying that America is facing another devastating epidemic - STRESS. Unbelievably , by comparison, more people are being affected by stress related diseases than those who contracted AIDS. Fortunately, although it is impossible to eliminate stress from out lives, by developing a little self-awareness and using some simple stress-management techniques, most debilitating stress-reactions can be prevented. Here are some tips to help you recognize stress in your life and some suggestions for better ways to handle it.
- [How Healthy is your Marriage?](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-healthy-is-your-marriage/) - How healthy is your marriage ? If you're not sure maybe it's time for marital check-up. Here is a check-list of the vital elements which create satisfying and lasting marriages. They can help you to spot trouble before it gets out of hand. As you go through these factors don't get discouraged. No marriage gets a perfect score. For couples who are experiencing difficulties, however, keeping these elements in mind can help locate the source of the trouble and suggest what aspect of the relationship needs work. The good news is that, with a little learning and effort, problems can be overcome and your marriage can become the greatest blessing in your life.
- [Valentine's Day and Evolution of Romantic Love from Cupid to #MeToo](https://revmichaelheath.com/from-lupercalia-to-valentines-day-the-evolution-of-passionate-love/) - As Valentine’s day approaches, it is a good time to look at the state of romance in America and how it has changed over the centuries. To do so is to recognize that relations between men and women have been significantly changed due to the impact of the #MeToo movement. While the full impact of this consciousness-raising tidal wave is not yet fully known, it is clear that women (and hopefully men) are not going to tolerate the sexual abuse and extortion which, unfortunately, has been so prevalent in the past. While some men worry that romance has been ruined by those who have spoken the truth, I beg to differ. Most understand that offensive and exploitative behaviors have not place in loving relationships. Likewise, there is no evidence that women’s increased awareness and caution has diminished their interest in romance or ruined the spirit Valentine’s Day for men who know how to behave properly. Quite to the contrary or ruining, I suggest that this revolutionary movement has taken a major step in creating better, more equal and more intimate relationships between men and women than were possible in prior times. Indeed , looking at Valentine’s Day as a symbol cultural attitudes concerning love, it is obvious that our understanding of romance and the relation between men and women has evolved and progressed over time. Here is a brief review how Valentine's Day has changed over the centuries.
- [A Reasonable Approach for Discussing Masturbation and Pornography: Part 1](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-reasonable-approach-for-discussing-masturbation-and-pornography-part-1/) - It is no surprise that, with the advent of the internet and the wide-spread and free access to pornography, there would be increased concerns about pornography's harmful effects. There is no denying that, in some cases, internet pornography poses a real danger. Unfortunately, the anti-masturbation, anti-porn campaigns have been simply absurd. Among the individuals and
- [Loneliness and the Need for Human Connection](https://revmichaelheath.com/loneliness-and-the-human-need-for-connection/) - In the wake of Valentine's Day, it is important to remember the 49% of Americans who do not celebrate it and 46% who struggle with loneliness. The problem is so great that it has even been called a national epidemic. To be clear, loneliness is different from living or simply being alone or desiring solitude. Loneliness is the experience of sadness and desperation which comes from not having intimate human connection. Loneliness can spring from isolation , being alone and not having friends but is also true that even married people or embers of large families or communities can be lonely and feel its pain. It is also important to understand the loneliness is not simply an unpleasant feeling. Loneliness can cause serious medical complications and is correlated with shortening life spans. Surprisingly, loneliness is a greater risk to longevity than smoking a half pack of cigarettes a day or being obese So, if you are in a lonely place, the first thing to remember is that it is not a terminal condition. Here are some tips to remember if you struggle with loneliness:
- [Becoming a Good Listener: From Advice Giving to Non-Anxious Listening](https://revmichaelheath.com/becoming-a-good-listener-from-problem-sovling-to-non-anxious-listening/) - There are three common problems which get in the way of empathic or non anxious listening and create unnecessary misunderstandings and conflicts between couples and among families, friends and workmates. Fortunately , these problems can be eliminated with a little accurate information and practice. Here are the keys to better listening:
- [A Psychological Year in Review: Taking emotional and spiritual stock of the year that was](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-psychological-year-in-review-taking-emotional-and-spiritual-stock-of-the-year-that-was/) - This time of year is filled with year-in-review lists. A psychological year-in-review is a time to look back and remember moments which have increased your understanding and have had a lasting impact on your outlook of life, i.e., the times which have helped you to make better sense of the world and your place in it.
- [Myths about and Tips for Dealing with Grief During the Holidays](https://revmichaelheath.com/myths-and-tips-for-dealing-with-holiday-grief/) - As the holidays approach, grief from loss can complicate the experience of festive times. in the wake of loss. Death, divorce or losing a job are just a few of the kinds of losses that seem more difficult at this time of year. Here are some tips to help you and those you love who grieve cope with the holidays.
- [So, what's the big deal with journaling ? Why putting feelings in to words is so important.](https://revmichaelheath.com/so-whats-the-big-deal-with-journaling-why-putting-feelings-in-to-words-is-so-important/) - For a long time therapists have been telling their clients to write in personal journals. Indeed, many folks know that journaling can help one to deal with unpleasant emotions and to clarify confusion but don't understand how it works or why. Here is what is going on in your brain and consciousness when we journal.
- [Recapturing Gratitude in Turbulent Times](https://revmichaelheath.com/recapturing-a-sense-of-gratitude-in-turbulent-times/) - Thanksgiving's traditional message of GRADTITIDE is important today because it reminds us that even in the worst of times, there is always something for which to be grateful. Further, gratitude is an integral part of mental and spiritual health. Here are some tips to help you deepen your appreciation your blessings.
- [In Praise of Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/in-praise-of-marriage/) - Admittedly, marriage's reputation in the modern world is not so great. High divorce rates, the commonness of infidelity and domestic violence have caused many to postpone or even forgo marriage altogether. Accepting that a good marriage requires a lot of effort and doesn't just happen, is marriage worth the effort ?
- [Understanding the Deepeer Meaning behind Ghosts and Zombies : The psychological significance of Halloween.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-deepeer-meaning-behind-ghosts-and-zhombies-the-psychological-significance-of-halloween/) - Halloween's a good time to take a look at why, in an age defined by science and technology, so many folks are still fascinated by things like ghosts and zombies. Underneath the fun and games associated with this spooky holiday, there is deeper and even spiritual element which is emotionally and psychologically significant.
- [Bursting Some Myths About Trauma Related Memories](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-some-myths-about-trauma-related-memories/) - The media controversy over the to the Supreme Court nominee has exposed just how ignorant and insensitive many Americans are about the reality and consequences of sexual assault particularly as it pertains to memory. In that context, here are three common myths about memory encoding and recall that need correction.
- [Tips for Coping with Disturbing Headlines in the News](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-copoing-with-disturbing-headlines-in-the-news/) - Many folks have been shaken by disturbing stories in the news like the devastating force of hurricane Florence. Fortunately there are several effective tools anyone can employ to reduce the disruptive effects of disturbing stories and decrease your vulnerability to a panic reaction. Here are some things to try:
- [APPRECIATING THE DEEPER SIGNIFICANCE OF  LABOR DAY: The importance of leisure and self care](https://revmichaelheath.com/appreciating-the-deeper-significance-of-labor-day-the-importance-of-leisure/) - Beyond being a holiday, Labor Day is also a symbolic reminder that there is more to life than work. Research has shown that leisure is an essential part of physical, emotional , social and spiritual health. Unfortunately, negative feelings against leisure prevents many from including leisure as part of their routines.
- [Psychotherapy as Detective Work: Tips for uncovering what's really bothering you](https://revmichaelheath.com/psychotherapy-as-detective-work-tips-for-uncovering-whats-really-bothering-you/) - It is important to understand that the source of our emotional problems are often hidden. Here are some clues to help you solve the case and resolve emotional difficulties in your life. Indeed understanding psychotherapy as emotional detective work is a helpful way to grasp this sometimes mysterious science.
- [Emotional Dumping: How to avoid displacing undeserved anger on your mate](https://revmichaelheath.com/emotinal-dumping-how-to-avoid-displacing-undeserved-anger-on-your-mate/) - Emotional Dumping or displacement is when a partner gets angry at his/her mate and unfairly unloads frustration on hi/her partner. Misplaced anger is a common marital problem that can lead to serious relational strife. Here are some basic emotional dynamics and tips to help you understand and prevent this unnecessary reaction.
- [Updating our Understanding of Suicide](https://revmichaelheath.com/updating-our-understanding-of-suicide/) - In the wake of two celebrity suicides, the public eye turns to this tragedy. The death of Anthony Bourdain demonstrates, even when everything is going his/her way, no one ever really knows the inner turmoil with which folks struggle. Everyone who has turmoil doesn’t kill themselves. Do you have to be crazy to kill yourself ?
- [How Pornography Can Harm Your Marriage: It's Not What You Think !](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-pornography-can-harm-your-marriage-its-not-what-you-think/) - "Porn addiction" has become a commonly used term. While the term doesn't meet the medical criterion for an addiction and isn't in DSM 5, pornography is a serious problem in many marriages. Unfortunately, many approaches either minimize or condemn the issue understanding and don't treat the damage done to the marriage.
- [Good News: NYS Mandates Schools to Teach Mental Health](https://revmichaelheath.com/good-news-nys-mandates-schools-to-teach-mental-health/) - A new New York State law mandates that public schools to teach mental health. This long overdue directive is so vitally needed because mental illness has been feared and avoided in the public mind. Even more important than information the classes will model open discussion which breaks the silence which surrounds mental health issues.
- [Couple's Consciousness: The Key to a Happy Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/couples-consciousness-the-key-to-a-happy-marriage/) - COUPLE'S CONSCIOUSNESS (CC) is one of the most important and least appreciated achievements of a happy marriage . In CC each person's individual identity is expanded to include awareness and concern for his/her partner. If your marriage has not experienced this robust transformation, here are some tips to get you there.
- [The Importance of Remembering our Losses](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-importance-of-remembering-our-losses/) - Memorial Day is a time to remember those who have sacrificed for America. It also is a time to revisit and review the losses in our own lives and place them into a broader perspective. Looking back is a way to discover the transcendent meaning and purpose in our lives which may have been lost in the wake of death and tragedy.
- [Tips for Coping with Mother's Day for those whose Moms Weren't so Hot](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-coping-with-mothers-day-for-those-whose-moms-werent-so-hot/) - Mother's Day is a time to honor and express our love for our moms. For many it is a time to remember and give thanks. For others, however, whose mothers abused, neglected or abandoned them, this holiday is a painful occasion. If your mom wasn't so hot, here are some tips to help you cope with this difficult holiday and realize that no matter how old you are that it is never to late to find the love and acceptance you missed.
- [Redefining Mental Health: The Struggle to be Reasonable](https://revmichaelheath.com/redefining-mental-health-the-struggle-to-be-reasonable-2/) - May is Mental Health Awareness month . While progress has been made with regard to public awareness , misleading myths persist. The outdated medical model has created confusion and unnecessary fears. Seeing mental health on a continuum which ranges from rational to irrational is a better way to understand both emotional well being and being emotionally disordered.
- [NAME CALLING: Why we do it and how to stop](https://revmichaelheath.com/name-callling-why-we-do-it-and-how-to-stop/) - Name-calling is one of the most destructive human tendencies. When name-calling happens frequently between partners in marriage, however, the emotional consequences can be devastating and the lasting effects ruinous for the relationship. Fortunately, there is a process by which individuals and couples can learn to stop name-calling . Here are the basic steps that, with practice, can transform hurtful arguments into intimacy building, constructive discussions:
- [Spring Cleaning Your Marriage: Tips for Rejuvenating Romance](https://revmichaelheath.com/spring-cleaning-your-marriage-tips-for-rejuvenating-romance/) - Many folks erroneously believe that good marriages just happen and that passion and romance just naturally fade. In fact, keeping passion alive takes some effort and thought. Although time and neglect can take a toll, here are some tips to restore that loving feeling and renew the passion for your partner which may have withered from neglect.
- [Tips for Freeing Yourself from a False Sense of Obligation](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-freeing-yourself-from-a-false-sense-of-obligation/) - Feeling a false sense obligation is a common problem with which many of us struggle. Some, obligations are real. At other times , we may feel obligated when there is no rational or logical reason. Here are some basic questions to help you to identify false guilt and discover viable options when you feel trapped
- [Twelve Ways to Reduce Stress by Increasing Non-Demand Brain Activity](https://revmichaelheath.com/twelve-ways-to-reduce-stress-by-increasing-non-demand-brain-activity/) - New studies show that folks who build leisure into their daily schedule are less negatively affected by stress and out perform those who do not. Here are 12 ways reduce the effects of stress by increasing non-demand brain activity.
- [Bursting the Gun Violence /Mental Illness Myth: What the Evidence Shows](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-the-gun-violence-mental-illness-myth-what-the-evidence-shows/) - Given the stigma which still exists concerning those who suffer from emotional problems, it is important that the problem of gun violence and our rush to find solutions not result in exacerbating the ongoing prejudice which exists toward the emotionally disordered community. Specifically, three myths contaminate and distort rational discussions about the current epidemic of mass shootings: 1) Folks with psychological disorders are dangerous and violent. 2) Serious mental illness is the primary cause of gun violence. 3) People with serious mental illness are more likely to perpetrate violent crime than to be victims of it.
- [Intimate Communication: Tips for Talking to your Partner about Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/intimate-communication-tips-for-talking-to-your-partner-about-sex/) - Sex is a common problem for couples and many are easily solved by improving communication Here are 5 tips to help you improve yours.
- [Tips for Dealing with Other People's Anger](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-dealing-with-other-peoples-anger/) - While much attention is spent helping those who have trouble controlling their anger, folks who are the recipients of the rage also need help. Fortunately, there are some simple but helpful facts to keep in mind if you are confronted with an angry person … no matter what their age. These principles work for parents dealing with their children, husbands and wives, friends with friends, bosses with employees or even with strangers.
- [Tips for Finding Romance in the Wake of #MeToo](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-romance-in-the-wake-of-metoo/) - With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a lot of folks are wondering about the impact #metoo is having on romance and dating. Many men have expressed anxiety not knowing if or how the rules have changed. Here are some tips to keep in mind as you navigate the romantic waters in this new era.
- [Getting Real about Pornography : How To Get Past Emotion and Reach Understanding](https://revmichaelheath.com/getting-real-about-pornography-how-to-get-past-emotion-and-reach-understanding/) - Irrational beliefs and shamefule feelings about sex complicate dealing with porn. Getting real about sex restores reason and allows for real problem solving.
- [Tips for Adding a Little Empathy to your Holiday Gift Giving](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-adding-a-little-empathy-to-your-holiday-gift-giving/) - Holiday time is a joyful season but we sometimes overlook those who have the holiday blues. Here are some tips for giving the gift of empathy to those who are blue.
- [Tips for Living in a Disordered Society: Why, this Year, We Need Thanksgiving More than Ever.](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-living-in-a-disordered-society-why-this-year-we-need-thanksgiving-more-than-ever/) - This has been a difficult year for many people and as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday, I believe that its message is needed more now than ever. Let me place the emotional impact of hard times and the reports of never ending events tragic events in the context of other psychological problems . Sometimes p
- [How Really Honest Journaling Can Reduce Stress : The Basics.](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-really-honest-journaling-can-reduce-stress-the-basics/) - Really Honest Journaling is a powerful resource for a successful stress management program. Here are the basics to begin journaling to lower their stress:
- [Getting Beyond Fightingto the End: Tips for Facing a Life-Threatening Issue](https://revmichaelheath.com/getting-beyond-fighting-tips-for-coping-with-a-life-threatening-issue/) - Many people feel obligated to "fight" a serious illness but having a positive attitude is more important. Here are tips to help folks gain a positive attitude
- [Research Confirms Common Sense Formula for a Happy Marriage: Be Nice](https://revmichaelheath.com/research-confirms-common-sense-formula-for-a-happy-marriage-be-nice/) - the more couples are positive in their interactions with their partners, the less likely they are to report being unhappy in their relationship 
- [Divorce Counseling: How individual therapy can civilize the difficult process and promote faster emotional healing for everyone involved.](https://revmichaelheath.com/1320-2/) - Here are the basics concerning a helpful type of Counseling which focuses on making the divorce ordeal more civilized and humane.
- [Smart Phones,Social Media and our Psyche:  Three things to know about the technical marvel in your pocket.](https://revmichaelheath.com/smart-phonessocial-media-and-our-psyche-three-things-to-know-about-the-technical-marvel-in-your-pocket/) - Smartphones offer great convenience but they can seriously bias our view of the world and restrict our choices. Here are three tips to protect you from manipulation.
- [Updating the Image of Psychotherapy: It's More IT than Freud](https://revmichaelheath.com/updating-the-image-of-psychotherapy-its-more-it-than-freud/) - Many of our images of psychotherapy, such as lying on a couch are obsolete and no longer apply. Here is an internet analogy which updates our understanding.
- [Coping Strategies for Navigating Dangerous and Uncertain Times: The Basics](https://revmichaelheath.com/coping-strategies-for-navigating-dangerous-and-uncertain-times-the-basics/) - The headlines are scary. If you're having trouble coping, here are some tips to help you lower anxiety and keep it together when it feels like it's coming apart.
- [Tips for reducing stress caused by disturbing stories in the media ](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-reducing-stress-caused-by-distrubing-stories-in-the-media/) - Extended exposure to tragic reports via the television or the internet can cause of PTSD like symptoms. Here are some tips to reduce the stress it causes.
- [Tips for using Judger and Perceiver types to Resolve Relationship conflicts](https://revmichaelheath.com/judgers-and-perceivers/) - Here are tips for using Myers-Briggs' personality types, Judgers and Perceivers, to untangle the most difficult personality clashes and to finding solutions to interpersonal problems.
- [Easter and the Therapeutic Process: Parallels between Faith and Psychology](https://revmichaelheath.com/easter-and-the-therapeutic-process-the-rest-of-the-story/) - While some feel that psychology and Christianity are in conflict, there are amazing similarities between the dynamics of faith and the psychotherapeutic process.
- [Being Realistic about New Year's Resolutions : Tips for Following Through](https://revmichaelheath.com/being-reasonable-about-new-years-resolutions/) - Despite good intentions, many don't follow through on new year's resolutions. Often unrealistic expectations are the cause. Here are some tips to help you succeed.
- [The Myth of "Holding on" to the Past : Tips for Working Through Grief](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-myth-of-holding-on-to-the-past-neuro-science-and-the-grieving-process/) - Despite many forgiveness myths, neuro-science explains how emotional trauma makes it impossible to "let go" and "forgive. Here are tips to help you with grieving.
- [Myth of Androgyne and the Human Longing for Comepleteness](https://revmichaelheath.com/aristophanes-and-the-myth-of-androgyne-the-soulful-meanings-of-love/) - The Greek myth of Androgene expresses a timeless truth about human nature and explains our sense incompleteness and longing to find fulfillment in the other.
- [How Understanding the differences between Extroverts and Introverts can help resolve relatioal conflicts](https://revmichaelheath.com/communication-tip-4-understanding-the-differences-between-extroverts-and-introverts/) - Here are some tips for understanding the differences between Myers-Briggs Extrovert and Introvert personality types to help resolve relational conflicts
- [Communication tip #5 : Understanding iNtuitive and Sensate Personality Differences](https://revmichaelheath.com/communication-tip-5-understanding-intuitive-and-sensate-personality-differences/) - Here's some tips for understanding and using Myers-Briggs' Intuitive/Sensate (planners vs in the moment) types to resolve common but difficult relational problems.
- [Communication Tip # 6 : Understanding the Differences between Thinkers and Feelers](https://revmichaelheath.com/communication-tip-6-understanding-the-differences-between-thinkers-and-feelers/) - Knowing the differences between Myer's-Briggs personality types , Thinkers and Feelers, can help resolve frustrating conflicts with couples, families and friends
- [Redefining Mental Health: The Struggle to be Reasonable](https://revmichaelheath.com/redefining-mental-health-the-struggle-to-be-reasonable/) - It is important for mental health issues to be redefined and understood as the struggle to be reasonable and not by the archaic labels and notions of illness.
- [Tips for Surviving the Emotinal Complexity of Mother's Day](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-surviving-the-emotinal-complexity-of-mothers-day/) - Mother's day is promoted as a holiday, but for many it is a complicated time. Here are some tips to help those who struggle with the conflicted emotions of the day
- [How to Build Trust After an Affair](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-build-trust-after-an-affair/) - An affair is a devastating breach of trust in a marriage but it doesn't have to result in divorce. If both partners are sincere about wanting to be married to one another and are willing to put in the effort, trust can be rebuilt and bad marriages can be re-made into good ones. Here are some questions
- [Do you know your "Organ of Distress": Recognizing when an emotional fire is about to break out.](https://revmichaelheath.com/do-you-know-your-organ-of-distress-recognizing-when-an-emotional-fire-is-about-to-break-out/) - It seems that our world has become ever more stressful and, as a result, anger and uncivil behavior seem to be a growing problem in our culture and families. Verbal and even physical outbursts unfortunately are becoming too common in our daily experience. Indeed many good folks, who do very well in most parts of
- [Understainding our False Guilt about Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/understainding-our-false-guilt-about-sex/) - Did You Know: that most guilt about sex is "false" guilt? Sex and False Guilt Everyone knows what guilt is: that self-conscious feeling of shame and embarrassment. While there are legitimate reasons for feeling guilty (like when you harm someone or break a promise or vow), many experience false guilt which is an externally imposed sense that you
- [Bursting the Forgiveness Myth](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-the-forgiveness-myth/) - You probably knew that forgiveness is good for you but did you know that not forgiving is stressful and a threat to your health ? The Salon article (below) explains how holding a grudge releases stress hormones in your body and places you in a state of anxious alert. These medical findings fit well with
- [Talking about end of life issues and facing our fears of dying](https://revmichaelheath.com/talking-about-end-of-life-issues-and-facing-our-fears-of-dying/) - California is about to become the 6th state in the union to adopt right-to-die legislation and allow doctors to prescribe lethal medications for mentally competent, terminally ill patients. While this measure is politically controversial, it exposes a much larger and more embarrassing fact about American culture: we are afraid to even talk about issues involved with both the
- [Understanding the new "Female" Viagra](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-the-new-female-viagra/) - If you've heard about the new "female" Viagra pill, Addyi, (flibanserin) which is touted to increase sexual desire in women and which was recently approved by the FDA, check out Stephen Colbert's comical riff on it. http://www.cbs.com/shows/the-late-show-with-stephen-colbert/video/28E94A49-F1A3-4418-3C7D-E3881F710234/female-viagra-is-coming/ --Apart from the humor there, there are several things to keep in mind. 1) Male and female arousal
- [October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month](https://revmichaelheath.com/october-is-domestic-violence-awareness-month/) - Even though many have been talking about this problem for many years, unfortunately, hurtful aggressiveness in the home continues to be a serious problem confused by a number of false assumptions and notions. You know myths like: -- It's not really that big a problem or -- It only happens in poor or uneducated communities.
- [Are You An IMpatient Person ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/are-you-an-impatient-person/) - Certainly having an unexpected delay and having to wait longer than you anticipated can be very frustrating. Whether it's being caught in traffic or being stuck in a long line that doesn't seem to move is both emotionally and physiologically stressful. Not everyone is impatient but a lot of people are. Fortunately, there are some
- [Dealing with the stress of Holiday Gatherings](https://revmichaelheath.com/dealing-with-the-stress-of-holiday-gatherings/) - Although we like to think that getting together for Thanksgiving and the holidays is as wonderful at this Norman Rockwell painting, the truth is that, for many, these events are quite stressful. Longstanding interpersonal conflicts and struggles for control can upset the most perfectly planned events. Here are some tips to avoid trouble and make this festive
- [Light and the Meaning of the Holidays](https://revmichaelheath.com/light-and-the-meaning-of-the-holidays/) - For Christians and Jews, the Holiday season is often represented with sparkling displays of lights. Light, in contrast to the darkness, is the age old metaphor which symbolizes the hope and meaning in life which prevails over the realities of sadness and tragedy in the world. To experience the light is to affirm that joy
- [Dealing with Increased Terror-Related Anxiety](https://revmichaelheath.com/dealing-with-increased-terror-related-anxiety/) - In the wake of the recent terror attacks in Paris and San Bernardino, many people are experiencing increased anxiety. Here are some basic things to consider concerning how these frightening events may be affecting you or someone you love: 1) Do an initial triage of your personal situation. Tragedies do not affect everyone the same
- [Coping with the Absurd and the Horrifying Stories in the News](https://revmichaelheath.com/coping-with-the-absurd-and-the-horrifying-stories-in-the-news/) - The tragedy of the Orlando massacre has shaken America's soul and left many wondering why such atrocities continue to happen . Many people who are otherwise mentally healthy report experiencing increased anxiety and fear for no particular or obvious reason. If you are one of those folks or just someone doesn't know how to respond
- [Do you have to be "crazy" to see a therapist ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/do-you-have-to-be-crazy-to-see-a-therapist/) - What comes to mind when you hear the word crazy ? It’s a term we hear or use every day. For some, it’s just another word for being illogical or irrational. For others it is a scary pronouncement about a severe and unchangeable mental condition. For some others it is an outdated and offensive way
- [Sex in Marriage : Are You having Enough ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/sex-in-marriage-are-you-having-enough/) - I'm not clear how many people are worried that they are not having enough sex but I do know from clinical experience that many tend become discouraged in their relationships and give up on sex. -- Research shows that folks who have sex at least once a week are happier than folks who don't. That
- [Updating the Image of Psychotherapist: A Life-Tour Guide](https://revmichaelheath.com/updating-the-image-of-psychotherapist-a-life-tour-guide/) - May is Mental Health Awareness month and given the many unfortunate impressions of therapy and therapist that are out there, this is a good time to sort out fact from fiction. As I mentioned before, one common misconception is that a therapist is someone who will "straighten" you out. That false image comes from psychiatry
- [Updating the Image of Psychotherapist: From Orthodontist to Helicopter Pilot When people think about Psychotherapy](https://revmichaelheath.com/updating-the-image-of-psychotherapist-from-orthodontist-to-helicopter-pilot-when-people-think-abo/) - When people think about psychotherapy, there is a common image that comes to mind that is off putting and misleading. For a long time, psychiatry has used the orthodontic metaphor of straightening to convey what it does. For example, there is a leading professional journal named Ortho-Psychiatry. The Greek term which means to straighten conveys the
- [Spring Cleaning for your Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/spring-cleaning-for-your-marriage-2/) - Although it has felt like winter lately, Spring is here and with it comes the annual rituals of spring cleaning. Milder weather is the perfect time to spruce things up and to fix the things that have broken and fallen into disrepair throughout the year. Likewise, it is satisfying to toss out the unnecessary junk
- [Some thoughts about the importance of Hope](https://revmichaelheath.com/some-thoughts-about-the-importance-of-hope/) - For Christians, Easter Sunday is a celebration of Hope. But whether you are a Christian or not hope is an essential aspect of mental health and a good life. Hope, of course, is that positive expectation we have that things will be better and that we can achieve our goals in life. Hope is a
- [I-Statements 101: The Keys to Expressing Anger Constructively](https://revmichaelheath.com/i-statements-101-the-keys-to-expressing-anger-constructively/) - Here is a handy list of tips to keep in mind the next time you get into it with your mate. Relationships are tough to manage. Blending a couple's individual needs, preferences and personality styles takes a lot of effort and even in the best marriages, there are times when conflicts arise and tempers flare. Knowing how to deal with anger
- [Understanding Leisure as an Essential Part of Self-Care](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-leisure-as-an-essential-part-of-self-care/) - Just back from vacation, I thought some good words about leisure were in order: Inadequate leisure and vacation time is a major source of emotional disorders in America. Too many Americans don't know how to relax and simply don't take enough time for vacations. It's not our fault. Our history and heritage exhibited a hard
- [Romantic Myth # 3: Love is a Special Feeling](https://revmichaelheath.com/romantic-myth-3-love-is-a-special-feeling/) - The feelings of attraction are what get us together, but love is what keeps us together. I know that falling in love includes the special feelings of infatuation and sexual desire but that is not love. Indeed, this observation is not a new distinction or discovery. Having a special "chemistry" is a common and popular
- [Romantic Myth #2 : Love Never Ends](https://revmichaelheath.com/romantic-myth-2-love-never-ends/) - 1st Corinthians' comments about divine love not with standing, human love can end . It is not indestructible. How one is treated really matters. -- It's funny but our mythical romantic love complex has contradictory ideas and feelings about love. On one hand, we think that true love can take anything and lasts forever, i.e.
- [Bursting Popular Myths about Love](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-popular-myths-about-love/) - I don't mean to pop anyone's balloon but ... with Valentines Day coming up, there are a lot of myths out there about love and romance that need bursting. Here is one of the most common misconceptions about our most important experience : Love is natural and "just happens". Maybe a neurochemical response to phenylethylamine
- [How to Make a Worry List: The Importance of Emotional Triage](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-make-a-worry-list-the-importance-of-emotional-triage/) - We all know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed. Whether you suffer from a diagnosable anxiety disorder or you just have normal worries, life can sometimes be too much, Luckily there is a simple technique to help you better manage your stress and reduce your uneasiness. It’s called the Worry List. Even though we sometimes
- [Want More Intimacy In Your Relationship? Try Sharing Your Dreams](https://revmichaelheath.com/want-more-intimacy-in-your-relationship-try-sharing-your-dreams/) - Many couples express a longing for greater closeness and intimacy in their, marriage or relationship. One very helpful way, which is unfortunately often overlooked, is to share their dreams with one another. Dreams can be conscious and intentional goals or aspirations like getting a better job or losing weight but they can also be those bizarre
- [Psychological Manipulation: What it is and How to deal with it.](https://revmichaelheath.com/psychological-manipulation-what-it-is-and-how-to-deal-with-it/) - Those who are disturbed by the level of incivility demonstrated in the recent presidential campaign have reason for concern. One of the important lessons emerging from new research is the finding that many people are simply unable to have reasonable conversations with those with whom they disagree. Specifically, irrational conversational patterns which employ psychological manipulation
- [The Psychology of Blaming: Learning to See the Fear Behind the Anger](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-psychology-of-blaming-learning-to-see-the-fear-behind-the-anger/) - When things go wrong it is normal to want to know why. Seeking understanding is an important way to learn and prevent future problems. Unfortunately, instead of seeking real answers which are often complicated, it is easier to find someone to blame. Psychologically, the tactic of blaming is known as externalizing responsibility. It is important
- [Understanding the Psychology of Anger : Seeing the Panic behind the Rage](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-the-psychology-of-anger-seeing-the-panic-behind-the-rage/) - Anger has been in the news a lot lately. With all of the reports in the media about terrorist rampages, mass shootings, political unrest and protests, many people are very upset. A lot of folks feel like the character from the movie Network (1976) Howard Beale who screamed while doing his news broadcast, “I’m mad
- [Good News for People Who Worry about Memory Loss](https://revmichaelheath.com/good-news-for-people-who-worry-about-memory-loss/) - A lot of folks are worried about Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia. While deterioration in cognitive abiltity is a serious problem for many, it is important to understand that most memory glitches are not permanent nor are they progressive. In fact, many memory problems are caused by other things such as anxiety, depression, dehydration and other medical
- [When it comes to sex, men are Windows and women are DOS](https://revmichaelheath.com/when-it-comes-to-sex-men-are-windows-and-women-are-dos/) - We all know that men and women are really different, especially when it comes to sex. If not understood, the differences relating to how often one is in the mood and what is arousing can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings and painful conflicts. Fortunately, there is an easy way to conceptualize the fundamental differences between male
- [Appreciating the Health Benefits of Good Friends](https://revmichaelheath.com/appreciating-the-health-benefits-of-good-friends/) - When it comes to mental and physical health, science is learning more and more about both the benefits of friendship and the increased risks of social isolation. The short quiz given in the link provided below offers a good summary of the benefits. For example: 1. Having good friends can boost your life expectancy more
- [Why Mental Health Check-Ups Are a Good Idea](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-mental-health-check-ups-are-a-good-idea/) - Everyone knows that seeing your doctor on regular basis for a check-up is a good idea. Periodic physical exams are a good way to identify conditions early. Catching a problem early is better than waiting until it has become bigger and more complicated. Well, the same is true for mental health. Unfortunately, many folks don’t think
- [Beyond Romantic Myths: 9 Tips for Getting real about what it takes to have a great marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/beyond-romantic-myths-9-tips-for-getting-real-about-what-it-takes-to-have-a-great-marriage/) - I recently listened to a fascinating program on Diane Rehm’s show about what we know about love, attraction and what makes a great marriage. Here nine tips which express the current consensus of what it takes to have a great marriage: * 1. Takes some time before you marry. Your brain isn't fully developed until the
- [Explaining the Facebook Study: Turns out Cyber Friends Are Important Too](https://revmichaelheath.com/explaining-the-facebook-study-turns-out-cyber-friends-are-important-too/) - In a recent study it turns out that Facebook users live longer than those who don't. If that sounds strange, there may be a good reason. It is all about having friends. While it is true that having a Facebook friend that you interact with via the internet is not exactly the same as having
- [Dealing With Political Grief](https://revmichaelheath.com/dealing-with-political-grief/) - Many folks are shocked and dismayed by the election of Donald Trump. Here are some tips to help you cope and recover.
- [Thanksgiving: A Time for Regaining Perspective and ,for some, Conflict](https://revmichaelheath.com/thanksgiving-a-time-for-regaining-perspective-and-for-some-conflict/) - Thanksgiving is here again and with it comes a flood of feelings and memories. This is a special and complicated celebration which congers up images of feasting and family get-togethers. Along with the delicious food and being with friends and relatives, Thanksgiving is also a time for personal reflection and putting life into perspective. Historically, we remember the hardships
- [Bursting Some Common Myths About Pastoral Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-some-common-myths-about-pastoral-counseling/) - Frequently I'm asked about what a pastoral counselor is. Many folks are familiar with psychologists and social workers but pastoral counseling is less well understood. (Maybe that's because the relative number of clinicians who have the extensive training to become a pastoral counselor is small in comparison to the number of other kinds of therapists,) Although
- [New Research offers Hope for Resistant Depression](https://revmichaelheath.com/new-research-offers-hope-for-resistant-depression/) - A lot of brain research has been in the news lately but this one really is a "big deal" ! For those who have who suffer from treatment resistant depression and who maybe considering Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) this research and, specifically, the discovery of these bio markers , which expose different neuro-connectivity in the brain,
- [Understanding the Parallels between Biblical and Psychological Wisdom](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-the-parallels-between-biblical-and-psychological-wisdom/) - Some folks think that the Bible and psychology are at odds. Here are some key similarities
- [Don't Let this happen to you: Tips for Preventing the Romantic Doldrums](https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-preventing-the-romantic-doldrums/) - Research reveals that many couples are not having sex because they are too busy working. The stress of work and the worry about finances has become so distracting that people have fallen into some bad habits known as the Romantic Doldrums. Here are som For example, if partners aren't vigilant, over time, relations ships which were once passionate and exciting can become stale and boring. Couples who used to enjoy sex frequently can wind up rarely sharing intimate moments. While there are various causes, one major factor for this problem is a false understanding of what it takes to keep the excitement relationships fresh and alive. Unfortunately, many believe that attraction "just happens naturally". While that may be true at the beginning, over time, maintaining passion takes care and effort. Think of romance like a garden. Without proper attention, bugs and weeds can choke out and ruin flowers. However, just like with your garden, with care, your romantic garden will flourish with beautiful blossoms of intimacy. Here are some simple tips to help keeping your sex life alive and healthy: 1) Don't take your partner for granted. Everyone needs compliments and little gifts and surprises that express the love and attraction you feel. 2) Make romance a priority. This means not only realizing the importance of you romantic life but also making a conscious effort to have special time together. Busy lives and responsibilities mean that the time to be romantic doesn't just happen. Scheduling and protecting times planned to be together is very important and is an essential part of maintaining passionate relationships. 3) Get rid of the guilt. Realize that you have the right to set limits and to say no to lesser important matters. Putting a "date night" in your calendar is useless if you don't follow through and learn to say no. Sometimes folks forget and regard romantic time as a luxury. It isn't. Romance is an indispensable and fundamental ingredient for happy and long lasting relationships and marriages. When you have made a commitment to your partner it is important realize that the joy you experience together is a blessing and an essential entitlement of marriage. 4) Don't Give Up, there is hope. No matter how barren your love life has become, it is never too late to make it new again. It doesn't matter that you've "lost that loving feeling". Some simple changes can have an amazing effect. With a little effort, love and tenderness and a positive attitude the magic can return. Enjoy ! Rev. Michael Heath , LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. 6 29 2017
- [White House Supports Ban on "Conversion Therapy" for Gay and Transgender Youth](https://revmichaelheath.com/white-house-supports-ban-on-conversion-therapy-for-gay-and-transgender-youth/) - I was encouraged to hear that the President has called for a ban on so called reparative or conversion "therapies" for adolescents. But I think some clarification is needed. --Some of the media are spinning this story as a gay right’s issue. While this recommendation is certainly a boon for homosexual and transgendered people, it is
- [The Importance of Remembering](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-importance-of-remembering/) - The upcoming festivities marking the 50th anniversary of News Channel 9 got me thinking about how important it is to commemorate and publically remember community milestones. It is also a good time for us to talk about why celebrating special moments with our families is so vital. Today we are going to look at the
- [Take Control of your Holiday Stress](https://revmichaelheath.com/take-controle-of-your-holiday-stress/) - (This segment was planned before the tragic Newtown shootings occurred but upon reflection we decided to do it because, in spite of this dark moment, the spirit and essence of the holiday season is a fundamental affirmation that goodness and light is greater than the evil and darkness in life. Indeed given the recent horrifying
- [Spring Cleaning for your Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/spring-cleaning-for-your-marriage/) - Although it has felt like winter lately, Spring is here and with it comes the annual rituals of spring cleaning. Milder weather is the perfect time to spruce things up and to fix the things that have broken and fallen into disrepair throughout the year. Likewise it is satisfying to toss out the unnecessary junk
- [Your Emotional Docimeter](https://revmichaelheath.com/your-emotional-docimeter/) - We all know that too much exposure to radiation can be dangerous and that radiologist must wear docimeters to keep track of their levels to prevent illness. But did you know that we all need to have an emotional docimeter to keep track of our stress levels so that they don't become too high. Learning
- [Taking Your Emotional Pulse](https://revmichaelheath.com/taking-your-emotinal-pulse/) - A few days ago I suggested that it was important to learn how to become mindful of one's stress level so that you could avoid becoming overwhelmed by life's everyday demands. I used the analogy of a radiologist's docimeter to make my point. Another, gentler way to imagine developing stress mindfulness is to think of
- [Sexism in FDA: Continues a Double Standard, Hurts Women](https://revmichaelheath.com/sexism-in-fda-continues-a-double-standard-hurts-women/) - This excellent article in Salon : makes two very important observations everyone, but especially women and doctors need to pay attention to: -- Not all sexual dysfunction in women is psychologically based . I know from 36 years of clinical experiences that women who say that they aren't interested in sex may be experiencing pain
- [Bruce Jenner Interview Outshines Olympic Gold](https://revmichaelheath.com/bruce-jenner-interview-outshines-olympic-gold/) - Although Bruce Jenner has won the gold medal for the decathlon in 1976 Olympics, his greatest triumph and accomplishment came yesterday when he publicly acknowledged that she is, and always has been, a woman. The Diane Sawyer interview heard round the world is not only a personal victory over fear and shame for Jenner but
- [Did you know that May in Mental Health Awareness Month ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/did-you-know-that-may-in-mental-health-awareness-month/) - so ... this is a great time to ask yourself about how much you know about mental health and if you might be holding on to some old fashioned ideas about emotional disorders or their treatment. This month will be filled with opportunities to learn more and shine light on areas that have to long been
- [The Myth of Mental Illness: 2.0](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-myth-of-mental-illness-2-0/) - The beginning of our modern understanding of psychological disorders which updated Freud, goes back to a Syracuse Psychiatrist by the name of Thomas Szasz who wrote the now classic, The Myth of Mental Illness. --What Szasz observed was that not all irrational behavior or emotionally distressing experience is pathological, i.e. not every emotional problem is
- [Myth # 3: Psychological disorders are very rare](https://revmichaelheath.com/myth-3-psychological-disorders-are-very-rare/) - Myth # 3: Psychological disorders are very rare, so ... if you have one, you are weird. You may have seen the Newsweek article whose headline read "One in Five Suffer from Mental Illness" which based on National Institutes of Health (NIH) data. That figure is important because it explodes the false notion that emotional
- [Mental Health Myth # 4: Talking to friends is the same thing as going to therapy.](https://revmichaelheath.com/mental-health-myth-4-talking-to-friends-is-the-same-thing-as-going-to-therapy/) - A common misconception which confuses public awareness is that talking things over with friends is the same as going to therapy. While it is true that the empathy and support one receives while talking honestly with a good friend is therapeutic, psychotherapy involves more than just having a sympathetic ear. First, a therapist is one
- [Human Sexuality Is More Complicated Than You Think.](https://revmichaelheath.com/human-sexuality-is-more-complicated-than-you-think/) - Did You know - that normal human sexuality is more complicated than you might think? The recent story of Bruce Jenner's transformation to become Caitlyn Jenner has confused many folks and raised questions such as: What is transgender ? and Is transgender a pathological condition? Although complicated to explain, transgender is a normal variation of human sexuality that occurs when the external sex characteristics
- [June is Brain Awareness Month](https://revmichaelheath.com/june-is-brain-awareness-month/) - June is Brain Awareness Month and here is a major advance which is very cool and potentially very useful : an app that takes "brain vitals". You know how when you go to the doctor, they take your "vitals" ( pulse rate, temperature, blood pressure, breathing rate) ? Well, the army is exploring the use
- [The Couple's Journal.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-couples-journal/) - Here is a helpful idea for couples who have trouble talking with one another about problems or conflicts without raising their voices and getting into arguments: The Couple's Journal. A Couple’s Journal can be a literal book or an on-going text or e-mail or even letters sent snail mail, (whatever) in which one partner writes
- [Sneaky Depression Triggers](https://revmichaelheath.com/sneaky-depression-triggers/) - Here is a great link from Web M.D. that lists 18 triggers for depression that you might not have recognized and which become more potent as we age. 1. Midlife 2. Overload 3. Low vitamin B 12 4. Low testosterone, lowered libido 5.Thyroid disorders 6. Arthritic pain 7. Peri-menopause and Menopause 8. Empty nest 9.
- [Good News for Work Outs](https://revmichaelheath.com/good-news-for-work-outs/) - Good News for Work Outs: You don't have to work as hard as you thought! Even though some health organizations recommend an hour of vigorous physical exercise every day, new studies show that these recommendations are grossly exaggerated and are not necessary if you want to reap the health benefits of being physically active. --It
- [The "Emotinal Cigarette" - A breathing exercise to help you relax.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-emotinal-cigarette-a-breathing-exercise-to-help-you-relax/) - The "Emotional Cigarette" Can Help You Relax without Having to Use Tobacco or Electronic Vaping (Nicotine)? The "Emotional Cigarette" Everyone knows that smoking cigarettes is dangerous for your health but, did you know that there is a way to get the relaxation that many smokers enjoy without actually having to use tobacco or electronic cigarettes
- [How Exchanging Marital Report Cards Can Improve Your Relationship](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-exchanging-marital-report-cards-can-improve-your-relationship/) - We do them for our jobs. We do them onlilne for restaurants and hotels and products we have purchased. But somehow the notion of giving a periodic report card to our spouse hasn't caught on yet . But that is changing. More and more folks are taking time, on a regular basis, to review and take note of how their marriages
- [Talking to Teens about Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/talking-to-teens-about-sex/) - Talking to Teens about Sex We all agree that its best for teens not to have sex, however it’s irrefutable that lots of teens do. Bristol Palin’s, (Alaska’s governor Sarah Palin’s daughter), recent interview with Fox News puts the spotlight on a topic that lives in the shadows: teens, sex and abstinence. It would be
- [Pouting](https://revmichaelheath.com/pouting/) - Pouting: Everything You Wanted to Know about Pouting: What it is, Why we do it, How to deal with it and How to prevent it. Here are a couple of situation we've all been through: Situation One: Husband expresses amorous interest. Wife declines. Husband, in an exaggerated way, abruptly turns over, gives out a sigh
- [The Secret to Keeping New Year's Resolutions](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-secret-to-keeping-new-years-resolutions/) - I suppose that you have heard the joke: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb ? One - if the lightbulb really wants to change! In a nutshell, that joke expresses the key for keeping not only New Year's resolutions but for making significant changes anytime. At this time of year, many
- [Rekindling Passion: Part One - The Truth about Aphrodisiacs](https://revmichaelheath.com/rekindling-passion-part-one-the-truth-about-aphrodisiacs/) - Since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I thought we could devote a couple of segments to help those who want to have more passion in their relationship. From the many couples I’ve worked with, I know that there is a lot of confusion and misinformation regarding this issue and especially about aphrodisiacs. So,
- [Emotional Triage and the Worry List](https://revmichaelheath.com/emotional-triage-and-the-worry-list/) - Having trouble with Anxiety? Try Emotional Triage and making a Worry List For those who suffer from anxiety, and who doesn’t, the key to finding relief is to convert a general and vague sense of dread into specific and defined problems. Going through each worry and defining and giving it a name often helps to
- [A Check-List Before Making Your New Year's Resolutions](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-check-list-before-making-your-new-years-resolutions/) - Okay, so 2015 is here and many of you will be thinking about making some new year’s resolutions. And even though there are lots of tips out there to help you succeed once you have made the commitment, here are three suggestions to review before jumping in. Resolutions usually involve making positive changes like losing
- [Reducing Stress Around the Holidays](https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-around-the-holidays/) - People are sometimes confused by the term pastoral counseling. They aren’t clear if it is religious counseling or if it is real therapy. Fortunately, today’s segment provides a perfect example of professional pastoral counseling perspective. In addition to addressing the common problem of stress around the holidays, it also demonstrates how familiar biblical stories can
- [Feeling Grattitude When Times Are Hard](https://revmichaelheath.com/feeling-grattitude-when-times-are-hard/) - Here is segment we've had many requests for and so we post it again as we as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! With the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, our thoughts turn to Black Friday, football, and overeating. While it's tough to compete, if we can put those concerns aside for a moment, I'd
- [Reducing Stress for Seniors : Tips for Dealing with Everyday Worries and Finding More Joy in LIfe](https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-for-seniors-tips-for-dealing-with-everyday-worries-and-finding-more-joy-in-life/) - Reducing Stress for Seniors Tips for dealing with everyday stressors and finding more joy in life By Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC What Stresses you out? Here is a list of common senior worries : Money, Boredom, Pain and Health Issues, Loss of Physical or Mental Capacity, Loss of Friends and Family ... Dying. Tips for
- [Five Things You Didn't Know About Halloween](https://revmichaelheath.com/five-things-you-didnt-know-about-halloween-2/) - Normally we talk about problems, emotional problems or marital problems or relational problems and then try to offer some helpful tips. Today, however, we’re just gonna have some fun and learn some facts that you might not have known about this popular Fall Festival. I’m even going to tell you why I think it’s emotionally
- [Having Good Sex is a Sign of a Healthy Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/having-good-sex-is-a-sign-of-a-healthy-marriage/) - Whether Cause or Effect, Having Good Sex is the Sign of a Healthy Marriage I don't know if I totally agree with the Salon article that I linked below , but the gist is right. Whether it's a cause or an effect doesn't matter. Having a lot of enjoyable sex ( given that both partners are in
- [New "Consent" App Asks Partners Important Questions to Think About Before Having Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/new-consent-app-asks-partners-important-questions-to-think-about-before-having-sex/) - Oh oh oh ... This could be BIG. The new "Consent App" Good to Go, has enormous potential to bring reason to impulsive, unmarried sexual behavior. Although the Slate writer didn't care for it, I do and here is why. While its intended purpose is to create a legal document to prevent he said/she said
- [Are You Just Discouraged or Really Depressed ? How to Tell the Difference](https://revmichaelheath.com/are-you-just-discouraged-or-really-depressed-how-to-tell-the-difference/) - Are You Just Discouraged or Really Depressed ? How to Tell the Difference With the all the bad news in the media lately, it's easy to feel bad. Reports about the bad economy, the Gulf oil spill or the war in Afghanistan are enough to overwhelm anyone with sadness. Some depressed and discouraged feelings are
- [End of Year Marital Review and Marital Resolutions for the New Year](https://revmichaelheath.com/end-of-year-marital-review-and-marital-resolutions-for-the-new-year/) - End of Year Marital Review and Marital New Year's Resolutions Every year about his time, we hear a lot about end- of -year look-backs, lists of the top the ten best this or worst that. Likewise, it won't be long before we will be thinking about new year's resolutions Today our therapist, Rev. Michael Heath,
- [Boosting Your Brain: Sorting out the Facts from the Myths](https://revmichaelheath.com/boosting-your-brain-sorting-out-the-facts-from-the-myths/) - Boosting Your Brain: Sorting out the Facts from the Myths Everyone wants to be smarter. With the rise of Alzheimer's disease and increased competition for college admissions and scholarships both young and old are interested in finding ways to improve their brain performance, i.e. processing speed, memory/ recall and reasoning / problem solving. Thus with
- [A Myth About Mourning Although most of the country was moved by the ceremony held for the victims](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-myth-about-mourning-although-most-of-the-country-was-moved-by-the-ceremony-held-for-the-victims/) - A Myth About Mourning Although most of the country was moved by the ceremony held for the victims of the Tucson tragedy, there were some who were critical of the crowd reaction and the president's alleged "failure" to calm it . Some suggested that the cheers heard in the Arizona assembly were more fitting for
- [How Words Can Help Us to Heal The tragedies of the Tucson shooting has created many emotional wounds](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-words-can-help-us-to-heal-the-tragedies-of-the-tucson-shooting-has-created-many-emotional-wounds/) - How Words Can Help Us to Heal The tragedies of the Tucson shooting has created many emotional wounds. The president has urged us to talk to one another in healing ways. To we will discuss how words can help in the healing process. Emotional Wounds We understand that accidents cause physical injuries and require treatment
- [Sibling Relationships 101:Tips for Updating your Sib Status](https://revmichaelheath.com/sibling-relationships-101tips-for-updating-your-sib-status/) - Sibling Relationships 101:Tips for Updating your Sib Status Sometimes folks wonder or worry about how they get along with their brothers and sisters. For example, maybe you get along great with your sister but your brother doesn't or visa versa. Or maybe mom tells you to call your brother because she's worried you're not close
- [The Secret of Keeping Romance Alive: Tips for Busy Couples](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-secret-of-keeping-romance-alive-tips-for-busy-couples/) - The Secret of Keeping Romance Alive: Tips for Busy Couples It's Valentine's Day and our thoughts center on love and romance. Ironically, while romance is one of the most sought after experiences, is also one of the most misunderstood. Today we are going to try to clear up some common misconceptions and offer some tips
- [Breaking the Ice After an Argument: Understanding the Psychology of Post Argument Silences](https://revmichaelheath.com/breaking-the-ice-after-an-argument-understanding-the-psychology-of-post-argument-silences/) - Breaking the IceAfter an Argument: Understanding the Psychology of Post Argument Silences and How to Shorten Them We've talked before about the difficulties of making up after a fight, incomplete apologies and the keys to lasting reconciliation. But one area we haven't looked at is the thorny issue of how to break the ice of
- [Therapeutic Self-Talk: What it is, Why it's Helpful and How it Works .](https://revmichaelheath.com/therapeutic-self-talk-what-it-is-why-its-helpful-and-how-it-works/) - Therapeutic Self-Talk: What it is, Why it's helpful and How it works . Talking to yourself used to mean that you were crazy. For year however, therapists have used a form of self-talk to help their clients. Today we're going to show you how Therapeutic Self-Talk (TST), a simple yet powerful technique, can help you
- [Understanding and Coping with Jealousy in Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-and-coping-with-jealousy-in-marriage/) - Understanding and Coping with Jealousy in Marriage Romantic jealousy is a very common problem in troubled marriages. But it also can be a can be a painful issue even in the best relationships. Ironically, we have mixed feelings about jealousy. Some think that it is a sign of love. Others believe that jealousy is a
- [Spring Cleaning Your Marriage: Personal Appearance](https://revmichaelheath.com/spring-cleaning-your-marriage-personal-appearance/) - Spring Cleaning Your Marriage: Personal Appearance Warmer weather means Spring cleaning and as those of you who watch Bridge Street know, Spring cleaning is not just for house, garages and yards. Today we are going to talk about Spring cleaning your marriage and focus on an area which gets pretty rusty over the winter: Personal
- [Money Conflicts in Marriage: It's not just about the Money](https://revmichaelheath.com/money-conflicts-in-marriage-its-not-just-about-the-money/) - Money Conflicts in Marriage: It's not just about the Money Couples fight about money more than anything else, including sex. Conflicts involving money are so difficult because couples often aren't aware that their struggle is not just about money. Today we’re going to discuss those other factors and offer some tips that will make finding
- [Unnecessary Criticism: Why we do it ; How to stop it](https://revmichaelheath.com/unnecessary-criticism-why-we-do-it-how-to-stop-it/) - Unnecessary Criticism: Why we do it ; How to stop it Being married involves having to deal with critical remarks from time to time. However, if this is happening too frequently or the comments seem unreasonable, there may be a problem. Unnecessary criticism which is excessive can be destructive and create long term grudges that
- [Fair Fighting - Some Ground Rules for Resolving Marital Conflicts](https://revmichaelheath.com/fair-fighting-some-ground-rules-for-resolving-marital-conflicts/) - Fair Fighting - Some Ground Rules for Resolving Marital Conflicts As we mentioned in our last segment, successful marriages go through a conversion where in each person stops thinking like a single person and learns to think like a married one. This change is an enormous accomplishment which takes time, effort and may involve many
- [The Seven Year Itch: Why it Happens and How to Prevent it](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-seven-year-itch-why-it-happens-and-how-to-prevent-it/) - The Seven Year Itch: Why it Happens and How to Prevent it There are many reasons for infidelity, but an interesting fact provides a useful way to understand one major source of the problem. Research has shown that many divorces occur at about the eighth year of marriage and thus the preceding year has been
- [Creating 2nd Chances: Tips for Turning a Bad Situation into a Good One](https://revmichaelheath.com/creating-2nd-chances-tips-for-turning-a-bad-situation-into-a-good-one/) - Creating 2nd Chances: Tips for Turning a Bad Situation into a Good One Sometimes folks worry that in order for marriage to work, you have to be perfect. Of course no one is perfect and forgiveness is an important part of marriage. Everyone needs a 2nd or 3rd or 4th chance to get it right.
- [Planning your wedding ? Don't forget your relationship: the Essentials](https://revmichaelheath.com/planning-your-wedding-dont-forget-your-relationship-the-essentials/) - It's summer and that means it's prime season for weddings. Couples spend a lot of time energy and money planning every aspect of the service and reception. They want their special day to be perfect. My hope is, that in addition to planning for a ceremony, couples will prepare for having a lasting relationship. In
- [The Art of Compromise: Keys to Successful Marital Negotiation](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-art-of-compromise-keys-to-successful-marital-negotiation/) - With all of the difficulties Washington is having with the debt ceiling problem, I worry that the word "compromise" is getting a bad reputation, as in to compromise is to sell out or to give in with one's principles. My concern is that this negative attitude doesn't pollute discussions between marriage partners. I don't know
- [Psychology and Smart Phones: The Risks of Overusing your PocketPC](https://revmichaelheath.com/psychology-and-smart-phones-the-risks-of-overusing-your-pocketpc/) - Ever since the discovery of fire, technological advances have been a two edged sword. Fire could keep us warm and cook our food but it could also burn us and burn down our dwellings. Even though smart phones have revolutionized the speed and convenience of our communications, access to information, media and even entertainment, there
- [The 411 about Marriage Counseling - What it Can and Can't do.](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-411-about-marriage-counseling-what-it-can-and-cant-do/) - The 411 about Marriage Counseling - What it Can and Can't do. Recently, I was really surprised to hear the heated argument on The View about whether marriage counselingactually worked or not. Unfortunately, the discussion didn't provide much useful information but it did reveal a lot of confusion and unrealistic expectations which exists in the
- [Am I OCD or just really particular ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/am-i-ocd-or-just-really-particular/) - Am I OCD or just really particular ? Over the past years, our segments have tried to educate, raise awareness and expose myths on many mental health and relationship issues. Although we've covered many topics, we have never talked about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD. Today we're going to fix that oversight. The reason OCD
- [The Psychological Cigarette - Understanding the Breathing/Relaxation Connection](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-psychological-cigarette-understanding-the-breathingrelaxation-connection/) - We are all well aware of the dangers of cigarette smoking but it is also true that, in addition to the nicotine, the very ritual and respiratory mechanics of smoking provide a useful stress break for smokers. Wouldn't it be great if we could get all the stress reducing benefits of smoking without having to
- [How to Have A Constructive Argument](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-have-a-constructive-argument/) - Normally we think that arguments are a bad thing for relationships. Recently however, researchers at the UCLA medical school reported that constructive arguments are good for you. Not only can they improve the relationship but the experience of arguing constructively actually improves your immune system and increases our defenses against disease. Today we're going to
- [The Truth about Secrets and Itimacy in Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-truth-about-secrets-and-itimacy-in-marriage/) - We all know that honesty is the best policy but some think that, in relationships, telling the truth is not always a good idea especially when it comes to talking about personal struggles and worries. Ironically, in spite of the fact that folks believe that their spouse is their best friend, many worry that telling
- [Feeling Gratitude in the Wake of Hard Times](https://revmichaelheath.com/feeling-gratitude-in-the-wake-of-hard-times/) - With the Thanksgiving holiday upon us, our thoughts turn to Black Friday, football and overeating. While it's tough to compete, if we can put those concerns aside for a moment, I'd like to take a few minutes and talk about the deeper meaning of our fall feast and the importance of feeling gratitude in our
- [Don't be So Defensive - Tips for Dealing with Criticism Gracefully](https://revmichaelheath.com/dont-be-so-defensive-tips-for-dealing-with-criticism-gracefully/) - "Don't be so defensive". Ever heard that complaint? No one likes criticism and responding to it gracefully is difficult. Whether it's from a boss or a friend, no one likes disapproval. Critical remarks are particularly unpleasant when they come from family members. With Christmas almost here, now is a good time to prepare to cope
- [Are You Emotioally Out of Shape ? Here's a Check List to Help You Become Emotinally Fit](https://revmichaelheath.com/are-you-emotioally-out-of-shape-heres-a-check-list-to-help-you-become-emotinally-fit/) - Emotional Fitness: A Check-List to Help You Get into Better Emotional Shape Are you emotionally out of shape ? It's ironic but, as we come to the end of the year, many folks worry about their physical condition. They resolve to lose weight or get into better shape. Very few spend as much time paying
- [Life Smarts and The Intelligence Myths](https://revmichaelheath.com/life-smarts-and-the-intelligence-myths/) - Intelligence has been in the news recently. Futurist, Ray Kurtzweil, new book, How to Create a Mind talks about the coming merger between artificial (molecular, nano super computers) and biological intelligence (our brains) and how this new technology will enhance overall human intelligence. That got me to thinking. While intelligence is one of the most
- [New Year's Resolutions: Why We Brake Them, How To Keep The,](https://revmichaelheath.com/new-years-resolutions-why-we-brake-them-how-to-keep-the/) - It is the beginning of a new year and time for resolutions. We all have things we want to improve whether it’s losing a few pounds, exercising more or giving up smoking. The problem is that, although many folks make sincere promises to change, most of the time it doesn’t work and we wind up
- [Emotional First Aid: Tips for Responding to Everyday Psychological Distress](https://revmichaelheath.com/emotional-first-aid-tips-for-responding-to-everyday-psychological-distress/) - Have you ever been in a situation with a friend, family member or co-worker when s/he becomes upset and you don't know what to do? You want to help but aren't sure what is the right thing to say. While most of us know something about medical first aid, many don't know how to respond
- [Caring and Consideration: The Keys to Lasting Passion](https://revmichaelheath.com/caring-and-consideration-the-keys-to-lasting-passion/) - Caring and Consideration: The Keys to Lasting Passion It’s almost Valentine’s Day and our thoughts turn to love and romance. But for many couples, the pizazz has gone out of their once hot relationship. For some, romantic excitement has given way to the predictable and lack luster routines of everyday life. Likewise, many couples become
- [Romantic Second Chances: When should I give him (her) another chance?](https://revmichaelheath.com/romantic-second-chances-when-should-i-give-him-her-another-chance/) - Everyone loves a comeback story. We love it when a coach shows faith in a player who, after playing poorly, becomes a hero. We liked the confidence Lincoln showed in Gen. Grant despite his alcohol problem. On the other hand we all know about Charlie Brown giving Lucy another chance to hold the football. And
- [Is This ( am I ) Normal](https://revmichaelheath.com/is-this-am-i-normal/) - Is This (am I) Normal ? People worry a lot. We especially worry about whether we’re normal. In fact, we’re programmed to worry and a lot of it is done in secret. Sometimes we worry about a minor physical symptom and fear that it might be the sign of a dreaded disease. Even more commonly
- ["Breaking up" with your Hairdresser](https://revmichaelheath.com/breaking-up-with-your-hairdresser/) - Okay, this isn't exactly a personal problem, but I get a lot of questions about this topic. So, in an attempt to stay current and what's happening now, today we’re going to talk about how to deal with the uncomfortable task of changing stylists. You women know what I'm talking about. You've decided to change
- [Dealing with the Boston Marathon Bombings](https://revmichaelheath.com/dealing-with-the-boston-marathon-bombings/) - In the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy, many folks may experience increased anxiety and panic. Much of this emotional reaction is due to the availability of 24/7 news coverage by the media and internet. Even though shootings and violence have become much more prevalent than ever before, our capacity for bad news has not
- [A Spring Cleaning for Your Marriage: Personal Appearance](https://revmichaelheath.com/a-spring-cleaning-for-your-marriage-personal-appearance/) - Warmer weather means spring cleaning and sprucing up is not just for houses, garages and yards. Today we’re talking about Spring cleaning your marriage by looking at your personal appearance around the house. Just like with a house or garden, our personal appearance can suffer from neglect. We don’t mean to but we all can
- [Five Mental Health Myths](https://revmichaelheath.com/five-mental-health-myths/) - By Presidential Proclamation May is Mental Health Awareness Month. However being more aware of mental health issues isn’t necessarily helpful if our basic understanding of mental health isn’t accurate. Given the stigma and fear that often is associated with mental illness today, we’re going to discuss some of the common myths that exist and provide
- [Leaving the Nest - Vaulable Tips for Parents and Young Adults](https://revmichaelheath.com/leaving-the-nest-vaulable-tips-for-parents-and-young-adults/) - It's graduation time and our thoughts turn to children leaving home. While moving out used to be an almost automatic thing, changes in the economy and culture have resulted in many kids hanging around the house into their mid 20's and beyond. Today we’re talking about how knowing the psychology of moving out can help
- [PTSD Awareness](https://revmichaelheath.com/ptsd-awareness/) - PTSD and YOU: Understanding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Living so close to Fort Drum, most of us have heard of PTSD. We’re aware of the serious problems PTSD has caused for families and individuals but we may not be clear about what it is. June is PTSD Awareness Month and so today we’re going to: Explain
- [Sex Education for Adults: Cheating](https://revmichaelheath.com/sex-education-for-adults-cheating/) - Most of us think that sex education is for teens and that it mostly involves lessons in anatomy and human reproduction. Given the huge level of misunderstanding about the subject as well as the high level of embarrassment, discomfort and aversion to rationally talking about the issue, it's obvious that adults need sex education, too.
- [Lame Excuses - Why we make them. How to stop.](https://revmichaelheath.com/lame-excuses-why-we-make-them-how-to-stop/) - Not too long ago the internet lit up over the husband who became so exasperated at his wife’s excuses for not having sex that he printed out an Excel spreadsheet detailing each one. While very funny, this incident also provides an excellent opportunity to talk about a relational annoyance that everyone experiences, and which can
- [Secrets of Assertiveness 101:](https://revmichaelheath.com/secrets-of-assertiveness-101/) - Secrets of Assertiveness 101: Sometimes I'm asked why assertiveness is important and I say that assertiveness is important to learn because it is a fundamental life skill which is needed to be successful. Also, it’s important to talk about being assertive because it is such a misunderstood concept. Many associate assertiveness with aggressiveness or being obnoxious. In fact
- [Post-Partum Depression: What every expectant or new mom needs to know.](https://revmichaelheath.com/post-partum-depression-what-every-expectant-or-new-mom-needs-to-know/) - 1)What is Post Partum Depression, how common is it? PPDD is technically known as a major depressive disorder with post-partum onset. This condition is a mood disorder which also has physical symptoms and impairments. It usually occurs within the first four weeks after delivery but some feel it can appear as late as several
- [Are You Addicted to the Internet ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/are-you-addicted-to-the-internet/) - There is no debating that that the internet and particularly smart phones have revolutionized our daily lives. These devices allow us to connect with one another and have put amazing amounts of information at our fingertips where ever we go. While the benefits of this revolution are wonderful, these gadgets have also created problems. Most of
- [Are You Being Bullied in the Workplace ?](https://revmichaelheath.com/are-you-being-bullied-in-the-workplace/) - Are You Being Bullied in the Workplace? When we hear the word bullying, we are likely to think of something done by kids in a school. Unfortunately, it’s also something which is done by adults at work and the consequences can be destructive. Indeed, there is a growing awareness that hostility, i.e. bullying, in the
- [Five Things You Didn't Know About Halloween](https://revmichaelheath.com/five-things-you-didnt-know-about-halloween/) - Five Things You Didn’t Know About Halloween Normally we talk about problems, emotional problems or marital problems or relational problems and then try to offer some helpful tips. Today however, we’re just gonna have some fun and learn some facts that you might not have known about this popular Fall festival. I’m even going to tell
- [Dating Younger: How the internet and social media have expanded dating choices for single people](https://revmichaelheath.com/dating-younger-how-the-internet-and-social-media-have-expanded-dating-choices-for-single-people/) - Research shows that a lot more folks, especially women are dating younger and today we’re going to talk about his change in dating patterns and when it means for the future. Is it just a fad ? What are the advantages ? How about the disadvantages ? Is it worth it? Q: Why are more
- [Balancing Career and Family](https://revmichaelheath.com/balancing-career-and-family/) - Balancing Career and Family: Fact and Fiction Balancing the demands of career and family can be difficult for anyone, especially in a bad economy like ours. Women, with small children often experience significant conflicts and stress but men also report that the keeping their priorities straight causes them a lot anxiety, too . In addition
- [Reducing Stress Around the Holidays - A Pastoral Counseling Approach](https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-around-the-holidays-a-pastoral-counseling-approach/) - People are sometimes confused by the term pastoral counseling. They aren’t clear if it is religious counseling or if it is real therapy. Fortunately today’s segment provides perfect example of professional pastoral counseling perspective. In addition to addressing the common problem of stress around the holidays, it also demonstrates how familiar biblical stories can be
- [Robin Williams' Severe Depression: Keeping Things in Perspective](https://revmichaelheath.com/robin-williams-severe-depression-keeping-things-in-perspective/) - Robin Williams’ tragic death has shocked and saddened us all. Today we want to use this tragedy as opportunity to shine light on the serious disease of depression. It is important to know that, even in this day and age, there is much confusion and ignorance concerning the disease which can take away all of a person’s joy
- [The Quiet Crisis: Adult Children Caring for Aging Parents](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-quiet-crisis-adult-children-caring-for-aging-parents/) - We know that changes in technology create changes in society that, in turn shake, things up socially. The problem is that it is difficult to recognize some of the emerging changes while they are occurring. Currently, advances in medical science which have added decades to our lives, have also created unintended problems for those who
- [Clearing up the confusion about Transgendered People and Gender Non-Conformity: Getting the medical](https://revmichaelheath.com/clearing-up-the-confusion-about-transgendered-people-and-gender-non-conformity-getting-the-medical/) - The word transgender has been in the news a lot lately. Last week Times cover story featured LaVerne Cox, the transgendered star of the Netflix series Orange is the New Black. This week in Syracuse Mayor Stephanie Minor urged state legislators to pass Genda, a bill to protect transgendered folks from discrimination and, on June
- [Getting Rid of Grudges: Just let it go - or maybe not.](https://revmichaelheath.com/getting-rid-of-grudges-just-let-it-go-or-maybe-not/) - It’s spring and a lot of us are cleaning out our garages and getting rid of those toxic chemicals that have been lying around for years. Locally, OCRRA encourages us to safely dispose of household toxic materials and today we’re going to talk about how you can get rid of some toxic waste that’s been
- [Finding Romance among the Diapers](https://revmichaelheath.com/finding-romance-among-the-diapers/) - Everyone knows that having a baby presents many relational challenges for young couples. One of the frustrating aspects of raising a child is the way it can interfere with intimacy and romance. Not to worry I have good news. You can be good parents and still be intimate friends and passionate lovers. And today we’re
- [Bursting the "Hard Work" Myth": The Importance of Leisure](https://revmichaelheath.com/bursting-the-hard-work-myth-the-importance-of-leisure/) - Whether you liked the recent Cadillac ad or not ( you know the one where the smug rich guy vaunted the virtues of hard work and disparaged those who took a more relaxed attitude toward life), it raised some interesting questions which are worth talking about: Why do Americans work so hard? The American “type
- [Wedding Insurance and Pre-Marital Counseling :Bursting the Obligation Myth.](https://revmichaelheath.com/wedding-insurance-and-pre-marital-counseling-bursting-the-obligation-myth/) - A growing trend in the insurance field is that more and more couples are taking out wedding insurance policies to cover all kinds of unexpected problems which might occur on their big day ... including if one of them gets cold feet and backs out. "Change of heart" policies will pay for non-refundable expenses which
- [Submissiveness and Leadershipin the Modern Marriage](https://revmichaelheath.com/submissiveness-and-leadershipin-the-modern-marriage/) - Female Submissiveness in Marriage Recently some high profile personalities (first Gabrielle Reece and now Candice Cameron Bure and) have written books suggesting that the key to a happy marriage is wifely submissiveness. Feminists have objected saying that notions such as equal partnership and compromise are more important to sustaining healthy relationships. This debate has stirred
- [Flirting with Your Spouse](https://revmichaelheath.com/flirting-with-your-spouse/) - The news of Gen. David Petraeus scandalous affair sent shivers down the spines of many married folks. When taken with the fact that many couples complain that their love life isn't what it used to be, the risk of affairs is on a lot of people's minds. Today we're discussing how a little flirting can
- [Here's the Skinny on Scary: The Facts about Phobias](https://revmichaelheath.com/heres-the-skinny-on-scary-the-facts-about-phobias/) - (It's interesting how life has a way of redirecting things. Originally our segment was going to be more light hearted and talk about fear in the context of Halloween. Hurricane Sandy has changed all of that.) The news of Hurricane Sandy certainly is seriously scaring a lot of people ... and it should. Fear of
- [Oh, I Remember it well ... or maybe not!](https://revmichaelheath.com/oh-i-remember-it-well-or-maybe-not/) - Last time we talked about the importance of remembering special times but that is not as simple as it sounds. New memory research reveals that many of our favorite recollections are mistaken. Do you recall the charming duet between Hermione Gingold and Maurice Chevalier in the movie Gigi, "I Remember It Well" ? The former
- [Going Back to School Chaos: Help for Parents](https://revmichaelheath.com/going-back-to-school-chaos-help-for-parents/) - With the kids heading back to school, many households are thrown into chaos by all of the changes the new routines and activities bring. Coordinating schedules, having the time and energy to fit everything in can be a real challenge for both parents and kid. Today we have some tips for mom and dad to
- [Money Conflicts and Marriage: Tips for Keeping the Peace](https://revmichaelheath.com/money-conflicts-and-marriage-tips-for-keeping-the-peace/) - It may surprise some folks that money, even more than in-laws or sex, is the number one thing that couples fight about. Learning how to deal with financial differences is important because if unattended, squabbles over money can lead to worse relational problems like emotional shut downs or deception. Remember the way Lucy and Ethel
- [Using Your Imagination to Overcome Procrastination](https://revmichaelheath.com/using-your-imagination-to-overcome-procrastination/) - Everyone procrastinates. We all put off some things that are unpleasant or things we don't think we can do. For most, avoiding necessary tasks is a minor problem but for some procrastination can lead to major grief. Today we're discussing one of the reasons we procrastinate and suggesting a simple technique which uses our imagination
- [Preventing Tragic Story Overload in the Wake of the Colorado Massacre](https://revmichaelheath.com/preventing-tragic-story-overload-in-the-wake-of-the-colorado-massacre/) - Unfortunately, incidents like the recent Colorado massacre have become far too common and the sheer horror of the graphic accounts can sometimes overwhelm our ability to cope. When coupled with the 24/7 presence of the media which provides a constant source for exposure to toxic news, a serious problem can develop. Emotionally we are drawn
- [Redefining Normal: An Inclusive Way of Understanding Mental Health](https://revmichaelheath.com/redefining-normal-an-inclusive-way-of-understanding-mental-health/) - In our last segment, we talked about PTSD. Unfortunately we ran out of time before I was able to emphasize the point that folks who suffer from PTSD aren't crazy; they are simply normal people who have been overwhelmed by life trauma. That word "normal" got me thinking ... after all the advances in science
- [PTSD National Awareness Day: Myths and Facts](https://revmichaelheath.com/ptsd-national-awareness-day-myths-and-facts/) - Today is PTSD National Awareness Day and a good time to talk what PTSD is and to discuss some of the misconceptions that surround this painful emotional disorder. This topic is especially poignant in light of the recent attention child sexual abuse has received from celebrity disclosures and high profile court trials. Everyone should take
- [Reducing Stress When You Travel](https://revmichaelheath.com/reducing-stress-when-you-travel/) - Reducing Stress When You Travel With Summer's arrival, thoughts turn to vacations and travel. While trips can be fun, they also can be quite stressful for folks and hard on relationships. When unexpected problems occur, tempers can flare. Today we're talking about what makes traveling so stressful and we have some tips to make things
- [How to Cope with an Unreasonable Boss](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-cope-with-an-unreasonable-boss/) - In our last segment, we talked about how to disagree without being disagreeable with our spouses or friends. But what about those situations when you're in a "one down" position and aren't allowed to disagree. Today we're going to look at how can you deal with folks in authority and offer some tips for how
- [How to Disagree without Being Disagreeable](https://revmichaelheath.com/how-to-disagree-without-being-disagreeable/) - It's no secret that political and public discourse has become coarser and less civil over the past few years. Nonetheless, this trend is no excuse for us to become rude or abusive in our everyday interactions with folks. In fact, now more than ever, we need to take the initiative and set a good example
- [Myths and facts about happiness: What really makes us happy?](https://revmichaelheath.com/myths-and-facts-about-happiness-what-really-makes-us-happy/) - Recently, on Bridge Street Chris and Kaylea talked about a survey which said that 33 was the happiest age. This made me laugh and got me thinking about some of the common myths that are out there concerning happiness. Today we are going to look at some of those myths and discuss what really contributes
- [Body Language: Our Emotional Traffic Lights](https://revmichaelheath.com/body-language-our-emotional-traffic-lights/) - Getting what people really mean when they talk is difficult. While ordering a hamburger at McDonald's or making a deposit at the bank is simple enough, most other transactions are complex and multi-dimensional. Every human utterance has both a literal content which is expressed in words and an emotional context which is communicated non-verbally. Understanding
- [The Important of Work Place Colleagues](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-important-of-work-place-colleagues/) - Today we're talking about the importance of workplace colleagues. This topic is a natural because Bridge Street's co-hosts, Chris and Kaylea, are such wonderful role models for what special colleagues can be. They tease, have fun but even when they bicker, it is always done with love, caring and respect. They are great. Hopefully our
- [Strees and Relationship](https://revmichaelheath.com/strees-and-relationship/) - Don't Let Stress Ruin Your Relationship: OK, everyone knows that stress is bad for you. It can hurt you physically, emotionally and even Poorly managed stress can lead to more misunderstandings and arguments and less kissing and canoodling. Today we are going to explain why this happens and give you some tips to help you
- [Is It Love or Chemistry? Tips for knowing when real love comes along.](https://revmichaelheath.com/is-it-love-or-chemistry-tips-for-knowing-when-real-love-comes-along/) - After our last segment "Can love last ?" I heard from some single listeners who had a slightly different question about love: How do you know if it's real or just chemistry ? Indeed, many folks in relationships are unsure about what their romantic feelings of attraction mean. Are they based on love or sex
- [Can Love and Romance Last?Yes, But It Takes Work!](https://revmichaelheath.com/can-love-and-romance-lastyes-but-it-takes-work/) - Love is what makes that world go round and Valentine's day is the perfect time to talk about love and romance. A persistent question that seems to worry many folks, however, is, "Can Love Last ?" This anxiety is not surprising given all of the stories about affairs and divorce we hear in the news.
- [Why am I so Impatient? Tips for dealing with the New Technologies that are Driving us Crazy](https://revmichaelheath.com/why-am-i-so-impatient-tips-for-dealing-with-the-new-technologies-that-are-driving-us-crazy/) - Back in August we talked about the problems of over-using smart phones. Today we are going to expand our discussion a bit to talks about the troubles connected with being over-dependent* on not just smart phones but also all of high tech devices and online internet services like Google and Wikipedia, e.g., emotional problems and
- [The Psychology Of Successful Weight Loss-- Tips for Avoiding the Emotional Pitfalls which Sabotage](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-psychology-of-successful-weight-loss-tips-for-avoiding-the-emotional-pitfalls-which-sabotage/) - The start of the new year is a time for hope and for making resolutions. At the top of the list for many is the desire to lose weight. Unfortunately, significant weight reduction is very difficult. Eating is something you have to do. You can't just give it up completely like cigarettes. Unfortunately, much of
- [Emotional False Alarms](https://revmichaelheath.com/emotional-false-alarms/) - Emotional False Alarms: Why we get upset over "nothing" and how we can stop it. For the past five years, we have looked at how understanding psychology can be helpful in coping with difficult, every day, life situations. Today we are going to talk about a psychological phenomenon which creates a lot of unnecessary confusion
- [The Science of Making Up](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-science-of-making-up/) - Making Up is hard to do ... but not impossible ! Ok You’ve had a fight but now you are over it and want to make the peace. Where do you begin ? Unlike computers, humans have no reset buttons to restore reason after it has been lost in an argument. You’re a little reluctant
- [Marital Make-Over for the Holidays: Tips for Falling in Love All over Again](https://revmichaelheath.com/marital-make-over-for-the-holidays-tips-for-falling-in-love-all-over-again/) - Marital Make-Overs for the Holidays: Tips for Falling in Love All Over Again Today we are talking about how to do a Marital Make-Over. Just the way a new hair style or outfit can change your appearance, our simple tips can have a dramatic effect on your relationship and help you to fall in love
- [Marriage Is Hard](https://revmichaelheath.com/marriage-is-hard/) - Marriage Is Hard Marriage Is Hard: Accepting the fact, Removing the Stigma, Understanding the Challenge If you think marriage is difficult, you=re not alone. A recent article in Newsweek said so. Even some major religious groups, like the Institute for American Values, have admitted that marriage is tough even for faithful believers. Ironically, despite a
- [Keeping Your Cool](https://revmichaelheath.com/keeping-your-cool/) - Keeping Your Cool Why We Lose it, How to get it Back. The other day, a client told me of how she “lost it” while on the phone with her insurance company. She was embarrassed that, in the midst of a frustrating conversation, she had lost her temper, raised her voice and made comments that
- [The Good News About Stress](https://revmichaelheath.com/the-good-news-about-stress/) - The Good News About Stress :Stress Studies Link Mental Health and Faith Newsweek’s recent cover story on stress deserves a second look. After all the bad news we’ve had about the effects of stress on our health, this report offered some good news. It also has some starling implications for folks who have suffered a
- [Nagging: Why we do it, How to Stop](https://revmichaelheath.com/nagging-why-we-do-it-how-to-stop/) - Nagging: Why Why we do it and What to do about it Nagging is something we’re all familiar with, but, if not controlled, nagging can generate intense resentment in a marriage and be the source of major problems. Today we’re going to offer some help. What is nagging ? The kind of nagging we are
- [Understanding Affairs](https://revmichaelheath.com/understanding-affairs/) - Understanding Affairs: What You Need to Know About Affairs Five Myths: 1. Affairs are the result of poor moral character. 2. Men are all alike and so are affairs - it’s just about. 3. Affairs can be avoided by using reason and will power. (They happen because of he lack of will power.)4. Our culture
- [Interviewing Successfully](https://revmichaelheath.com/interviewing-successfully/) - Interviewing Successfully - The Pscyhology of the Job Interview Whether a recent graduate or one who has lost a job, many experience anxiety over finding employment. The job interview is especially worrisome for many. Here are some common difficulties and some helpful things to keep in mind when preparing for a face-to-face. In general, needing
- [Helping our Parent with Difficult Decisions](https://revmichaelheath.com/helping-our-parent-with-difficult-decisions/) - Helping our Parents with Difficult Decisions --The Perfect Father’s ( or Mother’s) Day Gift It’s the time of year to think about our parents. Recently celebrated Mother’s Day and Father’s day is coming up. The perfect gift for Adult children to give to mom and dad. – Help with planning for their future. Help is

## Pages

- [Home 2023](https://revmichaelheath.com/) - Rev. Michael Heath
- [F.A.Q.](https://revmichaelheath.com/f-a-q/) - Answers to Frequently Asked Questions about Rev. Heath's practice, therapy, pastoral counseling and other practical concerns such as fees and insurance, etc.
- [About Rev. Heath](https://revmichaelheath.com/about-rev-heath/) - Rev. Heath's academic and professional training & career as a therapist, marriage and pastoral counselor for depression/anxiety, PTSD, sexual issues incl. porn.
- [Counseling Services](https://revmichaelheath.com/services/) - Rev. Heath's dynamic and integrative approach to counseling and its various modalities: individual, couple, pastoral, psycho-educational and supportive/advocative.
- [Client Forms](https://revmichaelheath.com/client-forms/) - [et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Text” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”] New Client Forms If you are a new patient please download and print the New Client forms below: After reviewing its content, fill out , sign and return, before your first appointment. For the red
- [Contact Me](https://revmichaelheath.com/contact-me/) - Contact Rev. Heath by phone 315-637 2279 , e-mail mheath1@twcny.rr.com , text 315-380 1005 number or snail mail 7913 E. Ridge Pt. Dr. Fayetteville NY 13066
- [Blog](https://revmichaelheath.com/blog-videos/) - Archive of Rev. Heath's mental health tips to help with problems of depression/anxiety, stress, anger, grief and loss relationships, sex, porn, faith and more.

## Categories

- [Pastoral Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/pastoral-counseling/)
- [Individual Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/individual-counseling/)
- [Marriage Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/marriage-counseling/)
- [Family Counseling](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/family-counseling/)
- [Educational Workshops](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/educational-workshops/)
- [Blog](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/blog/)
- [Stress Management & Self-Care](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/stress-management-self-care/)
- [Pornography](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/pornography/)
- [Sex](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/humansexuality/) - Sex is an embarrassing problem for many because it is fraught with many myths and much misunderstanding. Getting the facts can help.
- [Anger Management](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/anger-management/)
- [Mental Health and Wellness](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/mental-health-and-wellness/)
- [Coronavirus Crisis](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/coronavirus-crisis/)
- [COVID-19 UPDATE](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/covid-19-update/)
- [Communication](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/communication/)
- [Loss](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/loss/)
- [Grieving and Recovery](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/grieving-and-recovery/)
- [ANXIETY and ADDICTION](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/stress-management-self-care/anxiety-and-addiction/)
- [Parenting](https://revmichaelheath.com/category/parenting/)

## Tags

- [loss of spiritual meaning](https://revmichaelheath.com/tag/loss-of-spiritual-meaning/)
- [regaing sense of purpose](https://revmichaelheath.com/tag/regaing-sense-of-purpose/)
- [grieving](https://revmichaelheath.com/tag/grieving/)
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