by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 5, 2026
Job’s Impatience: A Guide to Expressing Anger Constructively
Traditionally, the biblical character Job goes with patience, as in the common phrase “having the patience of Job? Job | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY Many Christians praise Job as a model of enduring faith in the face of adversity. What Does the ‘Patience of Job’ Mean? Indeed, despite unimaginable loss and suffering, Job declared his loyalty to God and did not curse him.
While not as widely appreciated, Job’s impatience is of equal importance. Various theologians,Holy Anger: Jacob, Job, Jesus: Basset, Lytta: 9780802862372: Amazon.com: Books , Yale literary critics, The Vision of Tragedy: Richard Sewall: 9780300008951: Amazon.com: Books, and even the cartoonist Charles Schulz, point out that the story of Job is complex and not simply about blind faith. Further, they directly challenge the common cliché of Job’s patience. Peanuts’ character, Linus, went so far as to say, ” A person who speaks only of the patience of Job reveals that he knows very little of the book.” ‘Peanuts’: Suffering, baseball, and religion.
Today I want to demonstrate how Job’s righteous anger, rather than his servile patience, offers a useful model for both honest faith and constructively expressing frustration and outrage in the wake of tragedy.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Apr 16, 2020
As the Covid-19 crisis drags on and the isolation restrictions take their emotional toll, how to deal with increased irritability and anger is one of the of the most commonly asked questions by many cooped-up couples and families.
For me, both as a pastoral counselor and a psychotherapist, The Bible is filled with stories which can help us in times such as these. The Old Testament book of Job offers some especially valuable guidance.
What is remarkable about Job’s anger is how it is expressed and where it is directed . Unlike most of us when we get mad, Job did not externalize or displace his frustrations onto others or God. He did not become verbally abusive or name-call nor did he blame or make excuses. What he did in perfect I-statement form, was to talk about his experience and his pain and what he wanted.
Applying this illustrative story to our situation, here are the key points to remember about Job’s model for dealing with anger and frustrations while living in cramped quarters and restricted circumstances:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 17, 2026
EMPATHY-BASED SEX EDUCATION: A guide for parents.
It’s time to talk about sex education again. Although talking about sex with kids has come a long way, things like internet porn and political attacks against real sex education present new challenges for parents and educators. An empathy-based approach offers a better way. “The Talk” Survey: A Sex Education Map | Future Method – SIECUS
Why traditional approaches fail.
They ignore the emotional aspects of Sex
Traditionally, sex ed programs focused mostly on biology and ignored the important emotional issues. Guilt/shame, self-esteem/ body image, relationships and abuse, as well as sexual diversity are things kids need information about.
They wait too long to talk about sex.
There is good news. More parents and schools are talking to their kids about sex than they used to. However, many wait too long to begin. Many parents delay sexual conversations because of embarrassment, or they feel ill-equipped and confused about how to do it.
They forget that you don’t have to know it all. Looking things up together is a great bonding experience that conveys acceptance, interest and a willingness to work together.
An empathy-based approach that focuses on understanding what the child is feeling is less onerous for parents and can actually improve overall communication with their children.
They project their own negative sexual hang-ups.
Another problem is that, because of parents’ own distress in talking about sex. Thus, when it is done, it often conveys disapproval and does not encourage open and free discussion. Common Mistakes Parents Make When Talking to Kids About Sex – Educate Empower Kid
Besides blocking needed communication, harsh attitudes about sex create guilt and shame in the minds of curious children, often leaving them with no one to talk to about it. SEX & SHAME | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY .
They falsely believe real education promotes sexual activity.
Traditional approaches often regard anything but “abstinence-only” programs as the enemy. This outlook falsely believes that knowledge encourages morality and sexual activity.
In fact, the opposite is true. Multiple studies show that the more sex education a person has, the longer they delay having sex. Sex Education Linked to Delay in First Sex | Guttmacher Institute
They provide false or incomplete information.
As a consequence of the negative bias, abstinence-only programs and many parents are not honest about what they say to their kids about sex. Particularly with the issue of masturbation, false guilt and shame are created by not acknowledging that self-pleasuring impulses are normal and healthy both mentally and physically.
They fail to empathize and provide needed guidance.
Perhaps the biggest problem with traditional approaches is that they completely miss the emotional confusion, conflict, and pain sex creates for their children. In fact, children need empathy and compassionate guidance, not rebuke. Instead of criticism, young people need understanding, reassurance, and help.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Nov 2, 2025
Recently, I wrote about the history of Church’s hostile attitude toward sex. Sadly , one unfortunate consequence of its antipathy is the negative impact that it’s had on parents’ ability to talk rationally about sex with their children. Frankly,...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Oct 17, 2025
Feeling loved and desired is a problem for many couples who have been together for a while. I frequently hear from a husband or wife who feels romantically stuck. Although things weren’t bad in their relationship, they felt that the spark had gone out.
The good news is that, while it’s common for romance and desire to fall into a rut, there are effective ways for couples to work their way out of it. The key is to learn how to talk to one another about what they are feeling. Intimate Communication | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
The problem is that talking about intimate feelings is difficult.
The Problem: Bad Habits.
For many folks, talking to one another is difficult because they have gotten out of the habit. While they talked a lot when they first fell in love, over the years, people get busy. Intentionally not setting limits for jobs, kids and other responsibilities results in there being no time for sharing.. Fortunately, one couples realize the need for creating time for each other, new habits can be created that will rekindle old passions.
Start with Simple Things.
I recently read an article that listed 15 questions that good wives ask their husbands. Women who are excellent wives constantly ask their husbands these 15 questions
In fact, this list of questions was not simply for wives; Husbands can talk with their spouses about them as well. Indeed, these simple and positive questions can help couples who have difficulty talking to one another about their feelings break the ice.
The key is to start slowly and think positively. While serious conversations about interpersonal problems can be difficult, they are doable. The key is for couples to understand that intimate communication is a process and not a single conversation,
With this understanding, couples realize that issues don’t have to be resolved all at once. Over time, positive experiences with smaller items help couples gain the confidence to speak honestly. This success with small conversations builds the trust necessary for tackling more complicated issues successfully.
With some effort and repetition, however, couples can get the hang of it and learn to share their experience. With this in mind, let’s look at some helpful conversation starters that can break the ice and begin the journey to better communication:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 3, 2025
Psychotherapy, like other healthcare fields, is a constantly evolving endeavor. Over the years, research and practice have expanded our understanding and refined the techniques used to treat psychological disorders.
47 years of practicing psychotherapy helps me appreciate how things have changed. Here are some observations. Counseling: An Update. | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
Psychotherapy: From the Beginning
Many people are unaware that the counseling profession is relatively young. Of course, clergy and teachers have helped folks over the centuries, but the start of a medical profession dates back to the late 19th century and Sigmund Freud.
Freud discovered that mental problems could, in addition to medical causes, be the result of psychological trauma. His approach in sessions was to listen while the patient “free associated”, i.e., to say whatever came into their minds.
Freud believed that given time, a person would uncover emotional conflicts created by childhood trauma and that the therapist’s job was to interpret the meaning of what the patient said. In other words, therapy “connected the dots”, and revealed how the past interferes with the person’s present experience.
This increased awareness freed a person from the control of unconscious trauma. In addition to feeling better, greater self-knowledge helped the person to change and eliminate unwanted behaviors.
Behaviorism
In the early 20th century, behavioral therapies, inspired by Pavlov and Watson, arose as an alternative to analytic approaches. Unlike analysis, behavioral therapies placed an emphasis on redirecting conditioned responses rather than increasing awareness.
They believed that understanding is unnecessary to treat psychological problems. Essentially, creating new behavior patterns changes behavior, which changes how you feel,
Some Other Changes
Somewhere in the 1950’s two other developments took place which complicated the treatment of mental disorders. The field of psychopharmacology introduces medication for depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia.
Likewise, psychologists, social workers, and other types of mental health practitioners who were not medical doctors began counseling. These new professions spawned a variety of therapies Different approaches to psychotherapy
As a result, since these new practitioners were not medical doctors, a new attitude toward the people served emerged. Individuals, couples and families were regarded as clients and not as patients.
In addition to these changes, here are 6 major advances in psychotherapy which define the state of the art today:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jun 4, 2025
Over the years, attitudes about counseling as well as counseling itself have changed. While the stigma connected to counseling may have declined, many misconceptions about it still endure.
In addition, new research has brought significant change to both how we understand and treat emotional problems.
Today, I want to update your understanding and answer some common questions that many folks have about psychotherapy.
by Rev. Michael Heath | May 2, 2025
I’ve been a counselor since 1978 but I have never seen anything like what has been going on over the past few months. People are calling me in the midst of panic, worrying that they are going crazy.
Fortunately, most often, a brief examination of their situation reveals that they are quite sane. Their panic is the result of being overwhelmed by non-stop media-hyped crises.
Specifically, people are freaking out over the impact of Donald Trump’s tariffs and Elon Musk’s chainsaw cuts.
I’m wondering if my experience as a therapist is a symptom indicative of a larger cultural problem ?
Cultural and Technological Stressors
Apart from the scary content of the news, there are two underlying factors that, taken together, explain why the news causes so much distress. 1) the decline of social connections and 2) the growing impact of distressing news delivered non-stop via smartphones.
Urbanization, characterized by declining religious and social groups, has weakened traditional social structures. Likewise, internet technology has reduced person-to-person connections. When combined, these changes have left us feeling less supported and more anxious. Americans Are Socializing Less—Is It Making Us Unhappy? – Newsweek
As our social supports have diminished, the volume of distressing news has increased. Instead of getting our news from Chet Huntley on the Six O’clock News, smartphones and computers bombard us with information throughout the day and night.
The internet and social media overwhelm people with more information than they can process. While life has always been challenging, changes in society and technology have made coping dramatically more difficult.
To make matters worse, the rhetoric in political and social media discourse has become uncivil and abusive. Profanity-laden political comments and unfiltered social media posts have increased polarization, mistrust, and emotional agitation.
Given these changes, it’s no wonder that, when disturbed by unsettling headlines, folks who have fewer places to turn for support feel more stressed.
Taking everything together, it is not surprising that a lot of people feel more depressed and anxious and less able to cope with everyday stressors.
Increasing Social Connection
With all of this in mind, what can we do ? Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month, it’s important to understand that psychotherapy, in addition to treating psychological disorders, also helps people to cope with difficult life stressors.
Besides effective stress-management techniques, people also need a human connection to manage their emotional distress. Fortunately, there is a simple way to experience social connection. While we can’t change culture, it is possible to create brief moments of social connection that can provide a needed lift .. BEING PRESENT | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse, NY
For example, the next time you’re standing at the produce section at the grocery store, waiting in line at the bank, or checking out at Target, you have an opportunity to engage someone and have a connecting moment.
Finding these moments makes you feel good and is also a gift for the other person. Here are the simple steps you can use to help you feel more connected and help someone else, too.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jan 5, 2025
As 2025 begins, many will be thinking about making New Year’s resolutions. While losing weight, exercising, and cutting back on alcohol consumption, along with other self-improvement goals, are important, it’s a researched fact that most resolutions are not accomplished. In fact, the success rate for keeping resolutions is a dismal 9%. New Year’s Resolutions Statistics and Trends [2024]
On the contrary, studies show that overwhelmingly, people feel compelled to change because of external expectations and demands. What is important to understand is that guilt and shame are not effective motivators for long-lasting change.
Again, although people make changes for a while, studies show that to sustain lasting change, the motivation for must come from within. It’s like the old joke goes, “How many people does it take to change a light bulb? One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.”
Data reveals that focusing on self-care rather than giving-in to external pressures or feelings of the obligation to change is the best way to make important changes in one’s life.
To be clear, self-care may not involve change or resolving problems so much as it does learning how to better cope with difficult situations that may not have a simple or immediate solution.
Although any significant change is difficult, committing to self-care is especially hard because both religion and culture are against it. That said, developing good self-care habits is not impossible. Here are some basics for those who are interested in committing to increased self-care: Goal 2023: Self-Care | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
by Rev. Michael Heath | Nov 17, 2024
How long has it been since you flirted with your spouse ? If it’s been a while, here are some things to think about if flirting with your parter sounds like fun.
To begin, flirting has a some what questionable reputation due to its association with an activity conducted with someone to whom one is not married, It’s rarely talked about when considering ways to improve one’s marriage or sex life. Let me explain why it is important for both enriching a relationship and protecting marriage from infidelity.
Infidelity and Flirting
Infidelity is a huge problem for many relationships. While there are many reasons why partners cheat, not feelling appreciated and feeling taken for granted rank high on the list.
After a few years of marriage, there is a tendency for folks to slip into comfortable but not necessarily excioting routines. As a result, they stop trying to be attractive to or flirt with their mates.
Many of the efforts made while courting disappear. The way we dress, the way we talk to each other become mundane. Little surprises and considerate gestures become fewer and fewer. Thus, romance dims.
Flirting and Neuro-chemistry
By contrast, one reason that affairs occur is because they are new and exciting and energized. People involved in affairs go out of their way to make each other feel special. That special feeling is the result of a complex release of substances like dopamine, phenylethylamine and serotonin. .
This special attention is very attractive and powerful. The narcotic-like substances that the brain releases are addictive. Sadly, when that neuro-transmitter hit is not forthcoming at home, some folks look to find it elsewhere.
Behaviorally, affairs often begin innocently with flirting, that is playful gestures of attraction which are meant for amusement more than a serious intent. However, if continued, the playful can become serious and lead to an actual acting out of infidelilty.
When taken with the fact that many couples complain that their love life isn’t what it used to be, affairs, even though wrong and risky, can happen. To make matters even worse, the technology of the internet and explicit affair-arranging websites like Ashley Madison have made having sex outside of marriage as easy as making a few key strokes .
Many marriages start out with flirting but, over the years, the playful banter stopped. The good news is that couples who flirt with each other can reignite playfulness and passion as well as reduce their risk having affairs.
So, here is some information about flirting that can help you to put the spark back in your marriage and protect it from affairs..
