by Rev. Michael Heath | Feb 4, 2025
With Valentine’s Day not far away, romance will be in the news. While the 14th of February is a special time for many, for others, it’s difficult.
Although the focus of Valentine’s Day tends to be on women, the day can be especially difficult for men. One major obstacle to romance for men is the sexual anxiety and worries about their penis.
The emotional toll that erectile dysfunction takes on men is often overlooked. Because sex therapy and medication have proven to be effective in eliminating ED, many, including doctors, assume that it is no longer a problem. Likewise, because of embarrassment, many men avoid seeking help. (More on this later.)
So today, let’s talk about this overlooked problem. I want to share simple ways to resolve the cognitive dissonance of struggling with sexual anxiety on the one hand but not reaching out to get safe and effective treatment on the other.
To be clear, there are a number of medical issues that first need to be checked out by a physician. Things such as low hormone levels, certain medications, too much alcohol or normal aging can cause a problem. Causes of ED: Anger, Performance Anxiety, and More
For those who do not have a physical problem or depression (We will discuss depression and sex another time.), anxiety is a significant cause of erectile dysfunction.
Here are some tips to help with these common causes of anxiety that cause erectile dysfunction and get in the way of erotic intimacy and sensual pleasure:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Nov 6, 2024
Given the recent election results, I have received many panicked phone calls from folks terrified about what will happen to our country. While I do not wish to get into political discussions, I do wish to respond to those feeling anxious and provide concrete steps to take to reduce their discomfort.
Anxiety is a serious and complex problem for many people. In some cases, successful treatment requires a combination of psychotherapy and medication. For many, however, employing some basic first-aid can render significant and immediate relief. Here are four steps which, if followed, can quickly and dramatically reduce the crippling effects of panic and anxiety attacks.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Apr 15, 2024
With the stressors of inflation, cultural polarization and wars, more and more people are feeling anxious. It seems that every day new reports are showing how anxiety levels are climbing throughout the world. The social and economic consequences of COVID-19 have...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Oct 1, 2023
People often ask me about the origins of pastoral counseling. While I have written about what pastoral counseling is Pastoral Counseling ? | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY (revmichaelheath.com) , I haven’t spent much time explaining its history or its therapeutic foundations.
Historically, clergy have always counseled people with their problems but often their guidance was given clinical training or expertise. However in the early 60s, things changed.
A group of ministers who were also trained psychotherapy got together to form a professional group of pastoral counselors. They called their organization the American Association of Pastoral Counseling.
AAPC’s goal was to elevate the quality of pastoral counseling by requiring more clinical training, supervision and personal therapy for therapists.
Pastoral counselors offered a holistic approach to psychotherapy which included religious experience. This new perspective integrated the psychological and spiritual dimensions of life and its problems.
Not everyone cheered this development. Fundamentalist skeptics condemned professional pastoral counselor for putting psychology ahead of the Bible and of turning to psychotherapy. They viewed science as a threat to traditional religion.
Rather than being a threat to faith, pastoral counseling sought to reduce the tension between religion and science. Pastoral counselors understand science and religion as complementary. Rather than conflicting, they function on two different levels of reality: the physical and the metaphysical (spiritual).
Although religion and science dwell in different realms, they are not disjointed. Earlier in the 20th century, Christian theologians like Rudolf Bultmann believed that the mythic husk of tradition religious language contained a valuable kernel of truth which needed to revealed to fully understood .
Pastoral counseling uses existential psychology to translate/de-mythologize religion’s supernatural/pre-scientific language into expression which are more understandable to the modern world. Psychology provides a way to understand ancient religious wisdom in modern terms.
The existential theologian, Paul Tillich, identified anxiety as the human experience which bridges both worlds of religion and psychology. In his book ,The Courage to Be, he explains how spiritual anxiety underlies psychological anxiety. Paul Tillich – excerpts from “The Courage to Be” – Religious Naturalism
To fully appreciate the significance of Tillich’s insights, it’s important to understand how anxieties differ and how to tell them apart:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Mar 7, 2020
Over the past few weeks, there has been wall to wall coverage of the Coronavirus (COVID-19), epidemic. In addition to the impact on the sick, the fear of the spread of this disease has caused world-wide alarm and has had a devastating impact on industry and the world’s stock markets . Concerns about limiting and containing the spread of the virus have already resulted in significant daily living disruptions with measures such as quarantines, cancelled conventions and air flights. Going forward , how to prevent a general public panic is uncertain.
Unfortunately, the problem is made worse and more confusing because government preparation and responses have been inadequate and statements from the White House and public health agencies about the virus or what to do are often contradictory. As a result, it is difficult for the public to know what is true and just who to believe.
Fortunately, there is wide-spread agreement among health experts about what common sense measures should be employed to lesson the risk of contracting the disease: — Use disposable tissues. — Be mindful of what you touch. — Wash your hands frequently after touching things like door knobs, light switches, etc. — Avoid unnecessary public contact like shaking hands. — And MOST IMPORTANTLY — Don’t touch your face.
It is important to realize , despite all of the media attention, the virus is not the Black Plague. Although many will be infected by Coronavirus, most will not even feel sick. That said the threat of the virus goes beyond a medical risk. COVID-19 poses a severe psychological stress which create individual and even mass panic. Even for those who don’t get sick, the emotional strain of non-stop media hype in addition to the disruptive precautionary measures will pose a serious menace that will, in some way, impact almost everyone sooner or later. Although no one can control the spread or extent of the disease, there is a lot which individuals can do to control the anxiety produced by this difficult situation. Here are some important tips:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Sep 7, 2019
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how to employ first-aid for anxiety. In that discussion, the type of anxiety being addressed was the kind which was triggered by a perceived external stressor in the person’s environment, such as a having a difficult conversation with a person or receiving bad or threatening news .
— Today I want to talk about a different kind of anxiety which can also produce intense dysphoric symptoms but which originates in the neo-cortex of the brain and comes from an internal-anticipated threat, rather than an actual or immediate one.
— Rather than relying on physical isolation from the distressing stimulus, a technique which I call Sensational Distraction (SD) can be used to disrupt distract the stressful cascade of thoughts and anxious feelings. With SD a person can shift the focus and attention of their immediate experience from thinking thoughts to perceiving sensations in their body and thus stop the flow of disturbing thoughts and calm the distressed state of mind.
— Although many distractors can be used , an especially effective technique for lessening and stopping anxiety I call the Orange. The orange relies on SD and is the first step, after a person realizes that they are experiencing anticipatory anxiety, calming one’s mind. The technique involves four steps and goes like this:
by Rev. Michael Heath | Aug 3, 2019
Anxiety is a serious and complex problem for many people. In some cases, successful treatment requires a combination of psychotherapy and medication. For many, however, employing some basic first-aid can render significant and immediate relief.
Here are four steps which, if followed, can quickly and dramatically reduce the crippling effects of panic and anxiety attacks.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Dec 7, 2015
In the wake of the recent terror attacks in Paris and San Bernardino, many people are experiencing increased anxiety. Here are some basic things to consider concerning how these frightening events may be affecting you or someone you love: 1) Do an initial triage of...
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jul 17, 2026
Today I want to talk about the difficult and complicated problem of internet pornography. The proliferation of internet-based porn staggers the imagination and creates many problems for both individuals and relationships.
As a therapist, I have noticed a significant uptick in the number of clients contacting me for what they refer to as a porn addiction. While the term porn addiction is widely used, both the American Psychological Association and the WHO (World Health Organization) do not recognize porn addiction as a stand-alone diagnosis or psychological disorder.
Technically, the current diagnostic term found in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) for excessive and uncontrollable urges to masturbate to pornography is Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD). If a person feels out of control with porn or if masturbating is interfering with important aspects of his life or relationship, talking to a counselor can help. Understanding the source of their obsession and learning better ways to cope will relieve distress and restore control.
Sex isn’t the Problem
The key to understanding compulsive porn use, like with any compulsive behavior, is to realize that the behavior itself is not the problem. The use of pornography is an inadequate attempt to cope with an underlying problem. Thus, effective treatment requires both identifying and addressing the root cause.
For example, a person who abuses alcohol often uses drinking as a way to numb or provide relief from the pain caused by something like anxiety or a loss that they feel overwhelmed by and don’t know how to resolve. Once they recognize the problem and are confident that they have the resources and plan to deal with it, the need for alcohol diminishes. The same is true for sexual compulsions.
The last time I wrote on this subject was seven years ago. A Reasonable Approach for Discussing Masturbation and Pornography: Part 1 | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY(revmichaelheath.com) Given that misunderstanding has not declined, I wish to review and debunk some of the most persistent myths about compulsive masturbation and pornography. Let me be clear, however, while debunking myths, I am not promoting pornography. My only concern is that folks know the facts.
by Rev. Michael Heath | Jul 1, 2026
I want to talk about sex or, to be more precise, about what is normal sex? What do you think is normal ? I want to explore this topic because a lot of my clients worry that what they’re doing or not doing wasn’t normal.
For example, they are anxious about not having enough sex, orgasms, or even interest. Upon investigating, however, most are worried over nothing. BAD IDEAS ABOUT GOOD SEX | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY
So that we are all on the same page, let’s start with some definitions:
Defining Sex.
To begin, by sex is a broad range of activities involving physical intimacy, erotic stimulation, and contact with reproductive organs or erogenous zones and non- erogenous areas. People engage in it for pleasure, emotional bonding, and reproduction Sex – Wikipedia to which I would also add personal satisfaction.The female sexual response: a different model – PubMed The Evolution of our Knowledge of Sexual Response
Sex is more than physical activity; it also involves biological, emotional, and relational responses. As we shall see, research expanded our understanding of sex to include these other elements over the past few decades.
What is normal ?
